Episode 6 · February 4, 2026

Still Strong #6 Keri Mitchell

Automatic episode summary

Keri Mitchell flew roughly 1,200 miles to sit down with Keith Vance, and the two open the episode as what they are: cousins who barely knew each other until about six years ago, when a trip to Michigan to see their dying uncle Ron put them in the same room. A Facebook memory of that visit surfaced two days before the taping, and Keith treats it as evidence for the thread that runs through the whole conversation — "there are no coincidences. We just don't see it."

The first hour belongs to Keri's mother, Barb. Keri grew up the youngest of five in a thousand-square-foot house on 3.7 acres outside Ortonville, Michigan: one bathroom, beef cattle and chickens, a stream at the back of the property, and no washer or dryer, so her mother did the family's laundry at a laundromat every Saturday. The house was heated by a wood stove her mother fed through the night, splitting face cord after face cord with a log splitter her husband gave her for an anniversary; on cold nights the sheets froze to the uninsulated bedroom wall. Barb worked in the church nursery for decades, gave away so much that her CPA son-in-law warned her it could red-flag her tax return, and drew a standing-room funeral.

Keri traces her mother's illness with unusual care. Barb had not seen a doctor in roughly thirty years; Keri finally booked the appointment herself and told her afterward. Nodules on the lungs led to a tumor with root-like "feelers" wrapped around her organs, then surgery, fluid drawn off her lungs, a ventilator, and a PET scan showing cancer head to toe. From the first appointment in October to her death on November 15 was about six weeks. Keith keeps stopping to name the lesson he is carrying into his own parents' late sixties: the signs were visible — an unstacked woodpile, an afternoon spent under the covers, exhaustion walking to the mailbox — and familiarity had made them invisible.

The second half is a caregiving account told without varnish. Her father, Coy, known as Corky, lost his wife of nearly fifty years, then his health, then his independence in a full stroke in December 2018 that took his right side and put him in a wheelchair. The siblings divided the load: her sister Kathy took him in for about two years, another sister kept his house and animals, and a brother handled therapy runs. In January 2021 Keri moved him into her walkout basement and kept him until April 2024, facing down a phobia of needles to give him daily shots and helping him in the bathroom, which he met with, "I never thought my daughter would be helping me in this way." Her rule was one sentence long: "I can do today."

She is equally honest about the cost. Everyone asked how her father was; no one asked how she was. When an insurance screener ran through questions about the patient's depression and sleep, she said she was glad they were not asking her the same ones — "I was the one depressed. I was the one forgetting to brush my teeth." She weighed guilt over stepping back against the promise she made her husband, and eventually said she could not do another day. Her father moved to a care facility she had once sworn she would never use, and there he found euchre, bingo, and a social life he had refused at home.

Two things carry her: a gym down the street that gave her thirty minutes and a mental release, where she describes 200-pound farmer carries and learning to climb a rope; and a faith that kept meeting her in Scripture on the days she needed it. Keith closes on God's grace being sufficient. Keri answers that when a load feels heavier than we can bear, it is usually because we are trying to carry it without Him.

Speakers

Intro voiceover other
Keith Vance host
Keri Mitchell guest
Crosstalk other

Chapters

0:27 Cousins, six years, no coincidences
Keith welcomes Keri and explains that they did not know they were cousins until about six years ago, when a trip to Michigan for their uncle Ron brought them together. He introduces her as a wife of sixteen years, a mother of three, and someone who has been serious about fitness since she was twelve, and she gives him a drawing she made of him and his wife.
8:07 A thousand square feet in Ortonville
Keri describes the small house she grew up in on 3.7 acres — one bathroom, animals that ended up on the table, laundromat Saturdays, and a wood stove her mother fed through the night. Her parents worked extra jobs so all five children could attend a private Christian school.
21:21 Honoring Barb, the quiet giver
Keith and Keri stop to remember her mother: decades in the church nursery, money quietly pressed into Keith's hand after his wedding, and a tax conversation in which her CPA husband told Barb her giving did not add up on paper. Her funeral filled the church with people standing in the back.
30:48 Six weeks: her mother's cancer
Keri walks through the fall of 2013 — the woodpile that never got stacked, the appointment she booked for a mother who had not seen a doctor in thirty years, a tumor with root-like feelers, surgery, and a PET scan showing cancer everywhere. From October to November 15 was roughly six weeks.
58:31 Bare trees and a father adrift
Grief arrives while Keri is caring for a one-year-old and a newborn, and every autumn since has brought her mother's last days back. Her father, married just shy of fifty years, does not know how to cook or do laundry and cannot bear walking into an empty house.
1:18:17 A shoe sole and a slow decline
Keri produces a rubber piece from her mother's Dr. Scholl's shoe, found in her flower bed after Barb had come over and weeded it while Keri was away. The conversation turns to her father's neglected diabetes and fast food, and to the April 2019 biopsy that came back as melanoma on her husband's ear.
1:25:00 The stroke that took his independence
On a Sunday in December 2018 her father had a full stroke on the way to the hospital, losing his right side, his truck and his ability to feed himself. Each sibling took a piece of the load, with her sister Kathy taking him into her home for about two years.
1:41:00 Taking dad in: I can do today
Keri moves her father into her walkout basement in January 2021 and keeps him until April 2024, giving daily shots despite a phobia of needles and helping him bathe with old country music playing. Her youngest, Cassidy — named Cassidy Coy after him — napped in his chair beside him.
2:00:21 The weight only the caregiver feels
Everyone asks how her father is doing and nobody asks about her. Keri describes guilt, a short fuse, an elephant on her chest, days that ran together, and the point at which she told her husband she could not do another day.
2:21:37 The home she said she'd never choose
After several in-home caregivers came and went, Keri used a placement service to find the facility her father now lives in — the very thing she had vowed never to do. He turned down a senior center at her house but will not miss euchre or bingo there. Keith urges listeners to vet facilities and plan for the cost.
2:29:01 Fitness as her release
From a first marathon in Chicago finished just under five hours, to giving up running when her hips gave out, to a 30-minute gym down the street, Keri describes 200-pound farmer carries, rope climbs and a you-versus-you mindset. Both she and Keith describe the gym as a place where emotional weight comes off.
2:51:38 Faith when the days run together
Keri says the Bible kept meeting her with what she needed on a given day, and that she stayed in church ministry through the caregiving years because church mattered to her father. She closes with counsel for anyone in the same position.

Key takeaways

35:25 Keith names familiarity as a kind of blindness: changes come so slowly that we read today as a repeat of yesterday. He says he is trying to be more conscious and intentional about seeing each day as it actually is, with his own parents in their late sixties.
39:13 The people most used to helping others are often the last to ask for help, so families have to watch for the signs rather than wait to be told. Keith illustrates it with his own mother carrying fifty-pound bags of chicken feed after hip surgery instead of calling him.
1:43:43 Helping her father in the bathroom meant going into survival mode: "it's not about you, it's about them," making the process as smooth and unawkward as she could. He told her, "I never thought my daughter would be helping me in this way."
1:57:46 The same season can be lived two entirely different ways. Keri asked her children on the school drive what they thought of grandpa living with them, and her youngest said, "I wish he still lived with us" — the years Keri experienced as crushing were good ones for her daughter.
2:25:30 Keith encourages listeners who are able to plan ahead for elder care — vetting facilities the way you would a school, and looking at policies that cover care — so that finances are not one more weight on the family, while still leaving room for God to be God.
2:41:17 Keri says she never compares herself to anyone at the gym; her answer to people who compare themselves to her is "do you and don't worry about me." Keith calls it you versus you, and she says she trains so she can stay physically independent as long as possible.

Pull quotes

Keri on the day they said goodbye: there was not a leaf left on any tree outside the hospital window. Every autumn since, the changing leaves take her back, and she tells herself she will be done raking by November 15.

— Keri Mitchell, 58:31

Keri keeps a rubber piece that fell off her mother's Dr. Scholl's shoe, found in her flower bed after her mother had come over to pull weeds while Keri was away. She holds onto it because it shows who her mother was: probably not feeling well, and still looking for a way to help.

— Keri Mitchell, 1:18:17

"There are no coincidences. I'm beginning to understand there are no coincidences. We just don't see it." — Keith, returning to the theme he opened the episode with.

— Keith Vance, 1:19:44

"I can do today. And every day it was, I can do today. That's all I can do." — Keri on how she got through taking her father in despite the fears she had to face.

— Keri Mitchell, 1:42:25

Wrestling was Keri and her father's shared language, and about a year before this taping she and her husband took him to meet Hulk Hogan at a promotional signing. A staffer waved them to the front of the line, and her father said that if he had known that, he would have gotten out of the car a lot sooner. Keri says Hogan died not long afterward.

— Keri Mitchell, 1:46:39

After answering an insurance screener's questions about her father's mood and sleep, Keri said she was glad she was not asked the same ones: "I was the one depressed. I was the one forgetting to brush my teeth. I was the one that was struggling."

— Keri Mitchell, 2:03:40

"When we feel like it's more than we can bear, it's because we're trying to do it without him." Keri pictures a father watching a child struggle under ten bags of groceries and saying, just hand them to me.

— Keri Mitchell, 2:57:23

Scripture & context

Genesis 1:27Genesis 2:24Exodus 20:121 Corinthians 10:132 Corinthians 12:9Philippians 4:8

25:26 Keri's mother served in the church nursery for decades. A woman who arrived in the late 1970s as a young unwed mother, braced for judgment, later told Keri that the pastor said "give me that baby, I want to hold that baby" — and that upstairs in the nursery her mother said the same thing.
2:56:39 Keith closes by pointing to God's grace being sufficient in all things and to the promise that God does not lay on His children more than they can bear — paraphrasing 2 Corinthians 12:9 and 1 Corinthians 10:13 — and calls Keri's account a testimony to that grace.

Questions answered

How did Keith and Keri find out they were cousins?: Keith says he did not realize they were cousins until about six years before this recording. He was in Michigan visiting his uncle Ron near the end of his life when his mother told him his cousin Keri wanted to hang out; he had assumed she meant her older sister Sherry. A Facebook memory of that visit resurfaced two days before the taping, and Keith says he has connected with Keri on every Michigan trip since. jump · 0:27
What was Keri's childhood home like?: She grew up the youngest of five in a roughly thousand-square-foot house with one bathroom on 3.7 acres outside Ortonville, Michigan, with beef cattle, chickens, ducks, rabbits and a stream on the property. There was no washer or dryer, so her mother did a week's laundry at the laundromat every Saturday — Keri did not learn to do laundry until she took a job at a dairy. Her parents worked extra jobs so all the children could attend a church school in Clarkston. jump · 8:07
How did her family heat the house?: Her father knew hardwoods and seasoned wood and would take down or collect trees; her mother split the wood with a log splitter he gave her for an anniversary, stacking face cord after face cord. They kept at least sixty face cord on hand because they sold wood as income, and at one point had a hundred stacked. Her mother fed the stove through the night, sometimes sitting beside it reading her Bible, and once broke a rib when a piece kicked back at her while splitting. jump · 16:02
How quickly did Keri's mother's cancer progress?: Her mother had not been to a doctor in about thirty years. A physician assistant heard something through the stethoscope and ordered her lungs checked, which found nodules; what followed was a tumor with root-like feelers wrapped around her organs, surgery, fluid drawn off her lungs, a ventilator, and a PET scan showing cancer from head to toe. Keri says it ran from October to November 15, about six weeks, and that doctors believed it probably began as a blood cancer that could have been treatable had it been caught early. jump · 45:58
What warning signs did the family miss?: The woodpile was not stacking up the way it always had, her mother was asleep under the covers in the middle of an afternoon, she skipped a family gathering, and she had begun struggling to walk to the mailbox. Keith frames it as familiarity blinding us to slow, incremental change, and says he now tries to look at each day as new rather than a repeat of yesterday. He also notes that people who spend their lives helping others are often the last ones to ask for help. jump · 37:16
Why did Keri take her father into her home, and for how long?: After a stroke in December 2018 left him in a wheelchair, her sister Kathy took him in for about two years while working and helping with grandchildren, and by late 2020 it was time to change. Keri's family had moved into a house with a full walkout basement, so she took him in around January 2021 and he stayed until April 2024, just over three years. She had to face a phobia of needles to give him shots twice a day and to help him in the bathroom. jump · 1:41:00
What was hardest about caregiving for Keri?: Everyone she saw asked how her father was doing, and nothing was ever asked about her or her children. She describes guilt over losing time with her kids and her husband, a short fuse, an elephant on her chest, and moving from taking one day at a time to just wanting the days to be over. When an insurance screener asked whether the patient was depressed and sleeping well, she told him she was glad he was not asking her the same questions. jump · 2:03:40
How did the family find a care facility for her father?: Keri first tried in-home caregivers; several lasted only a few days, though one Christian caregiver became a close friend, and when that woman left caregiving for another career Keri felt God closing the door. She then used a placement service that took her story and returned a list of facilities she could visit, which is how they found his current home. Her father, who had refused a senior center while living with her, now will not miss euchre or bingo. jump · 2:27:07
What role does fitness play in Keri's life?: She followed a printed beginner's plan and finished the Chicago Marathon in just under five hours, then ran a half marathon, a ten-miler and 5Ks, until hip pain finally led her to stop running. When her youngest started kindergarten she joined a gym within walking distance for 30-minute circuits, where she has done 200-pound farmer carries and learned to climb a rope. She calls it a mental release and says that after watching her father lose his independence, she trains so she can keep hers as long as possible. jump · 2:29:01
What does Keri say to someone caring for a parent right now?: She says to keep going to God and to His word, lean on your own family, and not to listen to outside noise about how you should be handling it. She says caregiving is hard but can be rewarding, that she wishes she could have done it to the end for her dad and could not, and that she is still thankful for the days she had with him. She invites anyone in the same position to reach out so she can encourage them. jump · 2:58:33

Helpful links

other

Boots and Bubbles The Southern-style dirty soda business run by Keith's two daughters, available for events in the Lee County area.
Vance Ranch The Vance family's 100-acre ranch in Henry County with a 6,000-square-foot barn used for weddings and events.
A Place for Moms The senior-living placement service Keri says gave her a list of facilities to visit for her father.
Cook's Farm Dairy The Ortonville, Michigan dairy where Keri worked as a young woman and met her husband.
Springfield Christian Academy, Clarkston The church school Keri and her siblings attended, which her parents worked extra jobs to pay for.
HealthQuest Physical Therapy The Oxford, Michigan clinic where Keri worked until she left her job in August 2013.
Bob Jones University Where Keri's sister Kathy studied, hoping to work with people with special needs.
Chicago Marathon The 26.2-mile race Keri finished in just under five hours after following a printed beginner's training plan.

product

Richardson 112 cap The hat style Keith uses for the Still Strong caps he gives every guest.

Full transcript

Intro voiceover: [0:01] I learned the hard way, nothing's overnight, some days you lose, some days you survive. Still Strong, even moving slow, every step counts more than you know. I found gold in the everyday, showing up and staying brave. Still Strong.

Keith Vance: [0:27] Carrie Mitchell. Hi. Welcome to the podcast.

Keri Mitchell: [0:30] Glad to be here, for sure.

Keith Vance: [0:33] Carrie, you are the, I think the fifth on the podcast, and you are by far the farthest. Awesome. And I'm happy to come. I'm looking forward to diving into some of this stuff. Good. Carrie, I got an introduction for you here, but it's been my protocol to just give someone my personal take on them. You and I are cousins. Yep. You and I are cousins, but I didn't realize we were cousins until about six years ago. Really? And I'm coming to the awareness that there are no coincidences. It showed up on my Facebook six years ago, two days ago. I was in Michigan. I was in Michigan, or our uncle's, which was close to his death, and I felt like I needed to be there. Yeah. And I have some photos of you and I at a restaurant, and I'm holding Cassie, which is, she was just little then. Yep. And I was remembering like that, knowing you're going to be here in a few days, and then that Facebook memory, it brought back memories. So I was up there to visit my uncle Ron, and my mom says, your cousin Carrie is going to wants to hang out with us. I said, you mean Sherry? They're like, no, Carrie. Sherry's younger sister. You were a baby when I moved from Michigan and all that. You were just come on the scenes. I just didn't remember you. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:17] But in the past six years, every time I've gone to Michigan, I've never not connected with you. I've been in your house. I feel like I've known you my whole life. And I think rehearsing the process, I think the relationship that we have was that we're family, and there was just, you just loved me unconditionally. Like, you didn't need to know anything about me. You're like, oh, that's my cousin? Yeah. Come over. Like, you just showed me unconditional love because we are family. And your children, that poured over in your children. They loved you. Like, they feel like, I felt like they knew me forever. Like, they weren't reserved. Like, oh, this is our uncle? Yep. And they just, our cousin, right? Cousin. Cousin. Second cousin. That was, the relationship that we have is because of whatever that you have in you, just to show unconditional love and no barriers.

Keith Vance: [3:20] It's a skill that you have or something that God has given you, and I'm thankful for it.

Keri Mitchell: [3:25] Oh, thank you.

Keith Vance: [3:26] And like I said, no coincidences. I showed my Facebook feed two days ago, six years ago. I started a relationship with my cousin that I didn't have before then, and now here you are. And you've called me over the last six years about things that you've gone through. I've called you, and we just, we've built this relationship that was a, it's a gift from God, and I'm thankful for it. I'm thankful for it. Let me give you your proper introduction. And something just happened to my phone. I switched off my notes to a photo, and I put it down. So I am going to hit this button. Carrie Mitchell, born and raised in Ortonville, Michigan. You're the youngest of five siblings. You've been married for 16 years, and you dated your husband for six years. You're a mother of three children, ranging from 13 down to seven. Yes. Two girls and a boy in the middle. Mm-hmm. Good kids. You and I have something in common. You are passionate about your fitness. And for you, that started a lot earlier for you than me. It started for you at 12. Yeah. It didn't get going for me until I was in my 30s. Okay. That's interesting. Yeah. You're competitive. You have a competitive nature, and you use that competitiveness even in everyday tasks. Like you were saying, when you're shoveling the snow in your driveway. Okay, how fast did I get it done yesterday? I'm going to beat that today. That's right. I want to dive into that. Okay. And then you're going to be 44 years in March. So 44 isn't, it's not old, but it's not young either. You're just right on the brink there of, you know, feeling some stuff that you haven't felt in a while. But I think you're on a good path with your fitness. I feel like that longevity, you're on a good path. So Carrie, everyone that comes on the podcast, it's a gift here. Awesome. These are Still Strong hats. They're Richardson 112s. My kids tell me that they're the best. So when you're shoveling your driveway, just doing your woman's stuff, getting after the gym, you can represent us. So I want to make sure you get that.

Keri Mitchell: [5:41] Thank you, Keith. Well, I brought you something as well. On the side, I like to do a little bit of art. So I drew a picture of you and Karen.

Crosstalk: [5:53] That's cool. Yeah. That's cool. You can. Can you guys see that? You see that, Michael?

Keith Vance: [6:03] You can tell that that's me and my wife. Well, for one, you can tell it's me because the arms. You put just the right definition there. You didn't exaggerate. That's it. But the no face, it's amazing how you can do that without doing the face. You can tell that that's me and my wife with no face. That's cool. I'll get this thing framed. Okay. People give me gifts. I'm just kind of figuring out where to put them in the space. But that's cool. That's cool. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah. Carrie, I don't do. We go into this, no expectations, no format, no nothing. Okay. Yeah. It's a little scary because there's, we don't know where it's going to go. Yeah. And it could, you know, what the conversation just drives, dives off and goes nowhere. Mm-hmm. But I want to leave room for the Holy Spirit's intervention and where this goes. I want to leave room for just an organic conversation that's real. That's real and that will not only edify one another, but people like listening to this can sense that, oh, that's, that's real and raw. And I want to keep it there. Yeah. Part of keeping it raw is not being scripted. It's not being scripted. So we're going to start from the beginning and then just as we work our way through, we'll find these pockets and we'll just stay there and then just kind of move on. So let's start from the beginning. Okay. Born and raised in Ortonville, Michigan. I've been to your house, visiting grandma. Yeah. And then taking that walk down the road to your house. That was one of my favorite spots as a kid. Can you describe your home life, the house that you live in is unique, the wood stove? Can you just paint a picture for what it was like, where you lived and maybe how that environment shaped you as you are and talk about your mom. I'm just talking about your, I love your family, man. I love your family. So just, just get us started there.

Keri Mitchell: [8:07] Yeah. So, um, we had a little house, thousand acre house, one bathroom for everybody. Um, there were five of us, but we were spread out in age. So my oldest sister, I was born in 82. She graduated from high school in 83. So, um, when she was dating her husband, I was going on dates with them. They always included me. And, um, I appreciated that because when they got married, I do sleepovers on the weekend, go to church with them on Sunday morning. And I absolutely loved it. She was a second mom. Um, she still fills that role today with my mom being gone. And I do see her as a mom figure. So it's been awesome to have her. Um, she is 18 years older than me. So that's the kind of gap we're talking about. And then my brothers came next and they, you know, they're guys, they didn't really connect with me, but as we got older, I talked to them more. Um, I look up to them. They're amazing, um, brothers and they're both pastors. And so I appreciate them and the path that they took. I, I've recently even told my brother, I know mom would be super proud of them that they've been consistent and faithful to the ministry. And, um, it's, it's been awesome to watch that. So I don't take that for granted. And then, um, Sherry is eight years older than me. So there really are big gaps with all of us. I mean, thinking she was the baby for eight years and then losing that position. That's, that's a big deal.

Keith Vance: [9:49] Sherry and I, we were, we were tight when we were little. Okay. We were tight when I would come visit because we were now, she just a year, I think a year or two older than me. Okay. I remember Sherry, like we, I have. Good memories with Sherry.

Keri Mitchell: [10:01] Awesome. Well, you guys could do like fishing or like go down to the creek.

Keith Vance: [10:06] You know what one time we did? One time we dressed up like hobos, like homeless people. And we were seeing if we could hitchhike. Okay. We were trying to hitchhike. Wow. And we were acting like we were homeless people. Can you imagine if kids tried to do that now? Right.

Keri Mitchell: [10:22] Luckily, nobody picked us up.

Keith Vance: [10:24] Luckily, nobody picked us up. But we were trying to hitchhike. So I'm sorry.

Keri Mitchell: [10:29] Yeah, no. Yeah. So there's just large gaps between each of us kids. And so their stories of growing up are not my stories of growing up. And they talk about other homes that Grandma and Grandpa Armstrong had that I don't know about, never went to. All I know is the one on Laura Lane in Ortonville.

Keith Vance: [10:52] That's the only one I know.

Keri Mitchell: [10:53] Yeah. And it was fun just to listen to their childhood because it wasn't mine. Mom and Dad were in a different place when I came along, a little bit more financially stable. And so I guess some people might say I was more of a grandkid versus a kid for them just because of where they were financially and fit with that. But we went to private school. Mom and Dad worked super hard so that we could be in the school that was our church. It was a church school. And we all went. But my sister Kathy, the school opened. It was her first grade. In first grade, she started there. And then we went all the way through at Springfield Christian Academy in Clarkston. So you asked me about my house. So yeah, we had animals.

Keith Vance: [11:47] Speaking of the house, when you started off, you said we grew up in a thousand acre house. Oh, I did. So I just want to clarify, a thousand square foot house.

Keri Mitchell: [11:56] The house is a thousand square feet.

Keith Vance: [11:59] Yeah. So describe the house. Yeah. Describe the property. Yeah. Like paint a picture. You're good at that because I still have memories of that place. And I love that place. Yeah. But it wasn't, it was primitive. So describe the house and the place you grew up.

Keri Mitchell: [12:16] Yeah. It was on 3.7 acres. It was a rectangle. So it went lengthwise. So the house was by the road. And then we had a barn and then the property. And we always, when I was young, we had some beef cattle and chickens, ducks, rabbits. We did have edible pets. Um, everything would end up on the table at some point. And dad would sell eggs at work. Wow. And he would, um, collect pop cans, just other little things to do to help with cost. Um, but it was, we had a stream that ran on the property. There was always minnows and things in there. And we'd always go down there. The mosquitoes would run you out sometimes, but it was just fun to go down there and hang out.

Keith Vance: [13:11] Um, I can picture, I can picture the house. I want you to, I want you to paint a picture of when you go open the screen door to go in the house, describe to me the kitchen, describe me the wood stove, like just paint that picture. Cause that's tiny.

Keri Mitchell: [13:23] So, uh, we, there was love.

Keith Vance: [13:26] Listen, it was tiny. Yeah. But I think the reason why I love that place is because you could feel the love. Oh yeah. Your mom, man.

Keri Mitchell: [13:32] Simple. She was simple and she could do so much with so little. Uh, she passed away when I was 31 and I have so much to ask her. How in the world did you do so much with that small kitchen? She could feed everyone and have a warm Thanksgiving meal and grab that kitchen. Okay. So she had an apartment stove size stove.

Keith Vance: [13:58] Um, you would open the screen, tiny fridge, you'd open the screen door. Yeah. And you're in the kitchen.

Keri Mitchell: [14:04] Correct. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [14:05] How many people could, could stand in that kitchen?

Keri Mitchell: [14:09] Six or seven. Maybe if they were like tight, keep their arms down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was tight. And when you first walked in, there was a door to the left that originally took you to the basement, which was, uh, they called a Michigan basement. It was unfinished, just like a dirt floor.

Keith Vance: [14:28] Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [14:29] Uh, eventually mom put, um, closed that off. So that it was a closet. So dad came in from outside, he could hang his coat and his boots and put them on there. It worked really nice to do it that way. We never had a washer and dryer in the house. Every Saturday we would, um, get all the clothes for the, from the week we go a week and then go to the laundromat and she would do all the laundry. So I didn't know how to do laundry till I was much older because. they were kind of high up and she put the quarters in and do the whole thing. And she never showed me how, how she was doing it at the laundromat. Um, but so I was my first, one of my jobs, it wasn't my first job, but I had a job at a, at a farm, a dairy farm where they, um, it's in Ortonville and they make their own ice cream, bottled milk and all that cooks, cooks farm dairy. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [15:25] We like going there when we visit, get ice cream and stuff. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [15:28] That's where Tom and I, my husband and I met working there. And, um, so anyways, when I hired in, they said, now you're going to have to do the farm boys laundry. They're going to come in from milking and they're going to take all that nasty, stinky stuff off and put it in the washer. And then you, and I said, I don't know how to do laundry. I've never done laundry. He's like, what? How could you go this long? Like, Oh, just never did. Never was in the house. But so I learned there how to do laundry.

Keith Vance: [16:02] The other thing about your house. Yeah. That's different than other houses. And again, it was like a staple of the house was that wood burning stove. Talk about that. Talk about that. Talk about your mom. Like talk about that whole thing. Yeah. Like that kept the house warm and that was work. Right. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [16:20] So dad knows his wood types like hardwoods. He just, he's good with that seasoned wood. So he would find someone who had a tree taken down or he would take it down. We would do what, um, you know, do the work of getting the tree and then load it up, bring it home. And I don't remember what anniversary, but dad got mom a log splitter for their anniversary. That's cool. So she, he would put the pile out there, get it ready for, and then she just split wood all day. That's cool. And do face cord after face cord. I would say they had at least a hundred face cord lined up at one point.

Keith Vance: [17:03] I, I can see it. I had forgotten about that, but I can see it now. There was that wood all stacked up along that fence line. And I didn't know your mom was doing all that.

Keri Mitchell: [17:13] Yeah. That was her part.

Keith Vance: [17:15] I wish I had pictures of that. Cause that's, oh wow. That was a lot of wood. And to know that your mom did that. Yeah. Like I have like so much respect for her right now. Yeah. That's great. That was a ton of wood. It had to have been because.

Keri Mitchell: [17:33] Yeah, we were using it and we were selling it. So we always had to have at least 60 face cord on hand at any given time because it was income as well. So, so then we'd split it and stack it and then reload it, deliver it, stack it at someone else's house. So it was, but you know, those were good memories of going out with dad and doing those jobs of getting the wood and bringing it home. And I know one time mom had, when she was splitting, the one piece came back at her and broke her rib. Yeah. When she was doing wood and she probably didn't stop. She probably kept going knowing her. Yeah.

Crosstalk: [18:23] So.

Keith Vance: [18:27] We heat our houses with central, central air and central heat. Yeah. You, that wood burning stove wasn't just an ornament. It wasn't just for fun. Like that thing was for a purpose. That's right. So describe to me the winters. If that, if that wood burning stove wasn't going, how cold would the house get? Well, you and I have told stories about when your mom, you guys would come home from school when your mom, they're in that transition when your mom was working and like, yeah, there was her being up at night, keeping it going.

Keri Mitchell: [18:56] That's right. Yeah. Um, there for a while, she started working at the school at the private school to help with tuition. And, but the problem was we would all be getting home at the same time. So there was no dinner. The house was freezing.

Keith Vance: [19:14] And when you say freezing, that's not an acronym.

Keri Mitchell: [19:18] Yeah. It was cold. Very cold.

Keith Vance: [19:21] Is that the right word? No acronym. I probably use the wrong word, but that's not hyperbole. Yeah. It was cold.

Keri Mitchell: [19:27] It was cold.

Keith Vance: [19:28] Um, acronym is something else. Hyperbole is.

Keri Mitchell: [19:30] Yeah. Yeah. So because it was, the stove was in the middle of the house, they, the outsides, like my room was down the other end. So it was very cold. And there was a time when mom and dad's sheets froze to the wall because it wasn't insulated very well. And I can remember peeling and seeing frost on the inside of the, of the wall. up on the, you know, where their comforter was stuck. And even our shampoo would get frozen on the bottom. And, um, my other, like we had a fireplace in the other end with an insert, so you could get that thing going. And then there was a blower on it, but we didn't, we didn't use it that much. It was kind of overkill when we did, it was almost too much. Um, it's hard to find balance with a wood stove. So like with that on, and then let's say all the siblings came over for pizza night, it could get pretty toasty in there and we'd be opening windows because it would go the other extreme. Um, wood heats different. It's just a different heat than a furnace. Um, but yeah, so mom kept that thing going, you know, through the night.

Keith Vance: [20:52] I remember hearing stories of her like sleeping in a chair next to it to keep it going on particular nights when it was cold.

Keri Mitchell: [20:58] Yeah. She, um, uh, sometimes she'd sit like propped up on the floor. So her bedroom was pretty close to where it was. So she would just sit there and she had her Bible there too. And she would read her Bible and she would do like the Bible in a year. And, um, um, it was, it was sat there where she was. It was kind of a cool thing.

Keith Vance: [21:21] I just remember I told you that, um, there's no format just as we've been kind of talking about your mom, but more or less your home life. But when you brought up the Bible, like continue to paint a picture of your mother, you talked about her Bible. I know that she was the nursery work in the church for like 40 years. Just continue to paint that picture of your mother. Let's honor her. Yeah. Let's just, let's just, just take some time to, uh, yeah.

Crosstalk: [21:56] Let's just take a, let's just take a little bit and remember her. Yeah. One memory that I have of her. Uh, the last memory I have of her.

Crosstalk: [22:22] Karen and I got married.

Crosstalk: [22:28] Karen's family's going through a divorce.

Crosstalk: [22:35] Karen and I are basically doing the wedding on our own. Uh, we got her wedding dress from my yard sale. Um,

Crosstalk: [22:49] invitations are expensive.

Keith Vance: [22:52] I want to invite all my family from Michigan, but I want to be practical about it.

Crosstalk: [23:01] So I didn't send invitations to everybody. I sent one

Crosstalk: [23:11] to grandma Armstrong.

Keith Vance: [23:14] And my thought was there becomes a grandma's house anyway. So as they come to grandma's house, grandma, can you just tell everybody that we're having a wedding? Like, I mean, cause I don't know how much, like, I don't know how much invitations were, but I just remember thinking like practically, if that was like a practical thing, I didn't know them. I come to find out that some people's feelings got hurt that they didn't get an invitation. Yeah. Which is okay. They didn't know my situation. They just, you know, it's okay. But I, uh, Karen and I went at some point after we were married soon after we were married. Well, she was pregnant with Terry. She was probably, Ooh, man, I think she was seven or eight months pregnant with Terry because I wanted her to experience what it was to toboggan. Okay. And, uh, I put grandpa Armstrong's snowsuit on her and you know, that hill behind his house. Yeah. I pushed her down the hill and, uh, she got down there and rolled over and was flopping around in the snow and couldn't get up with a big old seven month pregnant. I had to go down there and help her up. So it was winter time. We went to visit your mom and, uh, your mom, man, she's a generous woman.

Keri Mitchell: [24:31] I'd call it a quiet giver. Definitely.

Keith Vance: [24:34] What's funny is sometimes generosity comes from people who you're looking around and thinking you need to keep this. Sometimes the people have the, the least amount give the most. That's right. I can't remember how much money your mom put in my hand, but I just, she just kind of like gave me a hug. She just kind of like curl in her way that she kind of curled. I'm like stuck this thing in my hand. Yeah. Just kind of like tucked it away. But I remember getting in the car and thinking, I felt like that cost her something. Sorry we didn't come to the wedding, but I wanted to give you something. That's one of the last memories I have of your mom. But I think that capsulizes the kind of person she was. She was quiet, caring, and giving. I knew that woman with love.

Keri Mitchell: [25:26] Yep. Yeah, so she worked in the church nursery for years and years. And recently a young lady was telling her story of getting pregnant before she was married. I don't know if she stayed with the guy or not. But her parents wanted her in church. And she was embarrassed because she now had this little baby and she wasn't married. And she was thinking of the judgment from the church and what that would look like.

Keith Vance: [26:00] And this was probably during a time frame when that would be expected, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [26:05] And it was probably the late 70s, I guess. And she walked in and she said, Pastor Paul Vanneman said, give me that baby. I want to hold that baby. And she said, after he saw me and talked to me a little bit, walked up to the nursery and your mom was there and your mom said, give me that baby. And she said, it wasn't at all what I had in my head, how I was going to be treated. But everyone wrapped their arms around her and that baby and loved on them. And she sent me a message letting me know how my mom made her feel welcome and that her baby was safe in that nursery with my mom. And that was pretty amazing to hear that from her. So that was encouraging. You know, those are the things you wish you could go back and talk to mom about now that you hear them and that kind of thing. So, yeah. And she was very generous with her money. I think she just was really, she knew where we could cut corners and where it was important. Our education was important. So she invested in that. And I'm so grateful for that, that I never had to go to public school. I loved my school and I loved being in that environment. My best friends came out of that school that I'm still close with. And so that was wonderful. My dad was an auctioneer on the side. So he would, he went to auction school and besides working for GM, he would do sales at the school, like sell pies and cakes and things like that and raise money. And that was another thing that he was able to do to kind of help at the school or help raise money for the school was doing the auctioning. So even after his stroke, he was able to auction for a little while. He obviously wasn't as good, but the fact that he was able to get out there and still do it was pretty amazing and stuff.

Keith Vance: [28:19] I remember hearing a story. Your, your husband is a accountant type.

Keri Mitchell: [28:26] Correct. CPA. Yep.

Keith Vance: [28:27] And I think he was helping your mom do her taxes. Do you know where I'm going with this?

Keri Mitchell: [28:32] Yeah. Yeah. Tell the story. Well, he said, Barb, you know, you give so much that you're probably going to red flag the IRS because it doesn't make sense. What you're doing does not make sense to us. So she was amazing.

Keith Vance: [28:50] She was literally giving away more money than they're bringing in.

Keri Mitchell: [28:52] Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [28:55] Can you believe that?

Keri Mitchell: [28:56] No, it's crazy. Crazy. Yeah. But.

Keith Vance: [29:01] But her investment, her investment in you kids, man. Yeah. I think it paid off.

Keri Mitchell: [29:07] Yeah. She was such a quiet person, but her funeral, you know, the church, you know, Dixie, I don't know. I can't even tell you a guess of how many people fit in that church. It was packed. People were standing in the back for her funeral. Amazing. I have, other than Pastor Paul Vanderman's funeral, I have never seen people come out like that. And we actually didn't give people much time. There were people after the fact that said, hey, we didn't even know we would have been there. So she really touched a lot of lives.

Keith Vance: [29:46] That's. That's another good transition. Let's make that transition. You are. Seven years plus or minus younger than me. but you've experienced some things that I haven't. I still have both my parents. Yeah. But you lost this, your mom, this wonderful woman we've been talking about. Let's make that transition. Go back and describe to me the loss of your mom, like your own personal feelings that you felt. How the family felt. How maybe the family dynamic changed with mom gone, because I felt like she was the hub of that place. Correct. Now that she's gone. So just take your time and just start peeling that onion back a little bit. Like when she died, how did things shift? Like the emotions. Just try to relive that and let's just talk through that.

Keri Mitchell: [30:48] Sure. So going back a little further than that, I had my first child in 2012, Hadley. And I was working full time. My husband was in school full time trying to get his master's degree. And so I really wanted to continue to work to help support our family. And so in my mind, mom was going to be a person who said, you're having these kids. They're your responsibility. You need to figure this out. So I never reached out to her to help babysit so that I could go back to work. And so I had set it up with my sister, Sherry, to help me with childcare. And that was kind of the route we were going. And then I believe it was at my baby shower. I was standing outside of the gymnasium there at Dixie. And I believe it was my aunt Hilda and my mom. And the three of us were standing there together. And my aunt said, what's your plan? You know, after the baby's born, are you going to go back to work and all that? And I said, yes, I do plan to go back to work. And it kind of came up like, is your mom or who's going to watch the baby? And mom says, or I think she said, did you ask me? Like, did you ask your mom? And mom's like, she didn't ask me, but I would love to. I would love to watch this new baby. And I said, I didn't think you would. I didn't, I had no idea. And she said, I'd be honored to watch your baby. And so at that point, I switched over and started dropping her off, you know, after she was born and I went back to work. I started dropping her off at mom and dad's. I opened, I was working at HealthQuest Physical Therapy. It was in Oxford, which isn't too far from my parents' house. And I would drop her off at probably about 4.30 in the morning. And I would lay her on their bed and dad would go have gotten McDonald's. And we would sit at the table and we'd visit and we'd hang out. And at five o'clock I'd leave and I'd open up by 5.30. I needed to open the gym up there. And so we, we had some time there that we were able to visit and just have quiet time with me and my parents. And it was really good. And I'm thankful for that time. So I had Hadley in 2013 and then my son came the very next year in August. So she's February and then he was August of 2013 and they're 18 months apart. My mom and my aunt Naomi are 18 months apart. So I kind of think about that. Mom had that same with her sister. So August, August 1st of 2013 was my last day of work. I, my husband had said, you don't have to work anymore. Now he was graduating in August. So he said, I'm all set, you know? So in my mind, I'm thinking, I'm going to have this baby. Mom and I can hang out and we'll visit and the babies will be, you know, playing. And so that was, that was how I had it played out in my brain.

Keith Vance: [34:11] That's how you envisioned it.

Keri Mitchell: [34:12] It was going to be like that because that was the first time I didn't have to work. Got it. And so I was looking forward to that, but mom was slowing down that summer. And like we talked about the wood piles, the wood piles weren't stacking up like they should have been. And she wasn't preparing for winter like she normally would.

Keith Vance: [34:31] So just give me for a reference. How old is she at this point in time? More or less.

Keri Mitchell: [34:38] She would be 67 or 68.

Keith Vance: [34:43] At this time she's in her mid-late 60s.

Keri Mitchell: [34:46] She was probably, she was born in 44. So, um, so she definitely was slowing down, but like, honestly, I didn't, I wasn't paying attention or noticing it. Um, like I should have been, I guess. So, we had the family over to our home. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [35:07] I want to interject something. And I'm trying not to interject too much because I don't want you to lose your train of thought. Yeah. Um, but you and I had a conversation earlier today about, hey, looking back, I should have noticed and didn't.

Crosstalk: [35:23] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Keith Vance: [35:25] Sometimes familiarity.

Keith Vance: [35:30] Reads blindness.

Crosstalk: [35:32] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Keith Vance: [35:33] You're used to seeing her. You're used to seeing the woodpile, like this status quo, and like looking back, hey, the woodpile. Yeah. There was something wrong there. Um, I am, um, in a point in my life that I'm trying to actively look at each day as if it's a new day, not a repeat of yesterday. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like a lot of that stuff happens. Yeah. There's changes, incremental changes in life that happen so slowly. Mm-hmm. And it's just our life that you don't see it. And then you look back like, oh, I wish I would have. Right. But it was there all along. Right. So, as we get older, just trying to be more conscious. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to be more intentional, more conscious about those kind of things. Yeah. Kind of picking up on the details.

Crosstalk: [36:27] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Keith Vance: [36:32] And trying to navigate through those and whatever my responsibility is in that regard. Mm-hmm. That makes sense?

Keri Mitchell: [36:38] Mm-hmm. Yep.

Keith Vance: [36:38] Does that just communicate that okay? Yeah. Absolutely. Our lives are busy. We have things to do. That's right. And we're always looking at the next thing. Yeah. But life is changing. Mm-hmm. Things are changing. And to have a pulse on the reality of where I am today.

Crosstalk: [36:55] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Keith Vance: [36:56] And not just say, well, it's just like yesterday. Well, you know, every day we're getting a little older. Every day we're a little close to death. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [37:03] Exactly. Right? Yeah.

Keith Vance: [37:05] So, like what you're saying with the woodpile. Yeah. It resonated with me. Sure. Because that's on the tip of my plate right now. Yeah. Being aware. Mm-hmm. So, go ahead.

Keri Mitchell: [37:16] Yeah. And there was a day where we had to run over to pick something up. And I walked in, the door was unlocked, and I'm like, mom, mom. And she was fully under the covers. Mm-hmm. And it was like the middle of the afternoon. Now, I know people take naps and things, but that wasn't, I was taken off, like I was caught off guard by that for her. Mm-hmm. I was not expecting to see her sleeping. Mm-hmm. So, looking back, these are the little things that I didn't think much of. Mm-hmm. And then, so August 1st, I no longer worked. I was home with the babies. I had Carson on the 28th of August of 13. And mom was there for that. She came to the hospital and held him. And then, in September, on the 27th, that's my dad's birthday, the 27th, our dog got killed out front of the house. The FedEx truck ran into him and killed him. And so, I called my parents and I said, hey, can you guys come get him? I want to bury him at the house. We have all our animals in the backyard. And so, mom made him a nice little stone and put him in the back. And it wasn't soon after that, that we had an event at our house where we just had the family over. And so, in comes dad, no mom. And I was like, where's mom? He's like, you know, she's just not feeling good. So, she stayed home. And I'm like, it doesn't seem right. So, I called her right away. And I'm like, where are you, mom? Why aren't you here? She's like, ah, I'm just not feeling good and kind of tired. And come to find out, she'd been struggling to get to the mailbox. Which, it's a little distance, but she shouldn't have been tired going to the mailbox.

Keith Vance: [39:13] Let me interject something else.

Crosstalk: [39:15] Let me interject something else.

Crosstalk: [39:22] Um, because what you're describing, I've seen happen.

Crosstalk: [39:30] Uh, people, especially people like your mom, people are used to helping others.

Keith Vance: [39:37] Yeah. Sometimes those are the ones that don't ask for help. Mm-hmm. They don't want to be a burden on someone else. That's right. So, your mom. Mm-hmm. Man, she should have just said, hey, somebody help me. Right. Right. But just because they aren't verbally. Yeah. There's those signs where we need to be, even though, and here's the other thing. As a child, how do you... How do you... How do you take the role over your mom? It's like, Mom, you know what I mean? As you're talking, I'm just trying to navigate my way through. I'm trying to put my feet in your shoes. Because like I said, I mean, I could die today. But if life goes the way it typically goes, like with my parents, they're late 60s right now. Okay. You follow me? So you're describing things. And my mom is not one to ask for help. Like that woman's carrying 50-pound bags of chicken feed when she just had hip surgery, when she could just call me up and say, hey, Keith, come carry this for me. But she's got to, you know what I mean? So I'm paying real close attention to your reality because it's on my doorstep. And I want to make sure I get this right. My parents live right over there. And I need to have a tap on where they are. Because they're not going to call me up and say, hey, Keith, I can't do this. Right. Let me tell you one story. Yep. And I want you to pick up yours. Okay. My sister was getting ready for a wedding and she wanted some on my parents' property. She wanted some wedding lights hung up in this oak tree. Okay.

Crosstalk: [41:13] My sister sends me a freaking picture of a tractor with a bucket raised all the way up with a ladder in the bucket.

Keith Vance: [41:26] Oh, boy. Like bungee tied to the bucket with ratchet straps with the ladder going all the way up to this tree. And the goal was for my mom to sit in the tractor and my dad to climb up the ladder and for him to raise him up. And I'm talking it's 40, 50 feet up there.

Keri Mitchell: [41:44] Oh, my word.

Keith Vance: [41:45] And my sister, hey, this doesn't look safe, boys. Can you come help? Like I can rent a lift. I got a few bucks. I got connections. Like I can rent a lift. Call your boy up that's in construction that has connections. Why are you risking life for some lights? Yeah. Right. But that's human nature. That's right. So I'm just as you're talking, I'm really resonating with this because I need to get this one right. Yeah. So I'm sorry.

Keri Mitchell: [42:12] So we had the party and now my wheels are spinning. Like what's going on? Something's not quite right. You feel it. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [42:21] You can feel it.

Keri Mitchell: [42:22] So I called her up and I said, call the doctor and make an appointment. Yeah. And I'll go, whatever. Okay. All right. I'll make an appointment. And I don't know the time between, but she didn't do it.

Keith Vance: [42:36] She didn't. She said she was going to and didn't.

Keri Mitchell: [42:39] So I called.

Keith Vance: [42:40] That sounds like an Armstrong to me.

Keri Mitchell: [42:41] That's right. So I called the doctor and I said, can I make an appointment for someone else? For another adult? Is that a thing? Sure. You can do that. Good for you. I said, okay. So I said, here's what, here's the person. That's what we need. So I called mom, acted kind of dumb. And I said, Hey, did you make that appointment? Nope. I said, okay, good. Cause I did. And we're going to go today and gave her the time. She said, you little stinker. That's what she said to me.

Keith Vance: [43:11] That sounds like her.

Keri Mitchell: [43:12] You know, I'm like, well, we got to find out what's going on. Yeah. So, um, mom and dad came over, we loaded the kids up. Mom and I went in to the office. Dad sat in the car running with the kids in the backseat and they did not have a doctor. They had a PA for her. Right. And she's, we're sitting in the waiting room, filling out this paperwork. She said, it says, when was your last OB appointment? She looks at me and she says, how old are you? Wow. Meaning I haven't been since I had you. Wow. And I'm like 30 years, mom. It's been 30 years since you've seen a doctor. Oh. So, um. Wow. I know. So then, um, we go back, we get this PA. She is amazing, thorough, detailed. She's listening with the stethoscope and she hears something she doesn't like. Yeah. So, um, she had, um, ordered for them to check her lungs and we get back in the car after the appointment and mom says, that was a waste of time. I think we just wasted our time. I don't think they found anything. She probably wasted time.

Keith Vance: [44:25] She probably said, we're wasting money. I could have given this, I could have given this money away to somebody else.

Keri Mitchell: [44:30] Right. Right. So we went home and then it came back that there were some nodules, some spots on her lungs. Okay. And that's what, that was the initial thing that we found out that there was something going on. Um, her stomach was bothering her at this point and it had only been a few days since the visit. Oh. And, um, the PA wanted her to follow up with an act. doctor. So we got set up with a doctor that we were going to be seeing. I don't know the timeframe, but let's say another week or something, we scheduled it. She was not doing well. Like she was declining quite rapidly. So dad took her there for the appointment. And so I, she was waiting in the waiting room or something, but she was there. I called that doctor and he, well, I called and I said, I need to talk to, and I said the doctor's name, he stopped what he was doing. He came and got on the phone with me and asked me, and I said, my mom is there and she is not good. You need to go check her right now. And he said, give me a minute. He went and checked her. He got back on the phone with me and he said, she's very dehydrated. There's something going on and I'm sending her by ambulance to the hospital right now. And we found, yeah.

Keith Vance: [45:57] So they found what?

Keri Mitchell: [45:58] Well, what was going on was she had a tumor with feelers. They're just like roots and they were just grabbing her organs and just twisting them, twisting them all up.

Keith Vance: [46:12] So again, looking back at the timeline, that you're saying, your mom saying, I'd love to watch that baby.

Keri Mitchell: [46:21] Yeah. Yeah. Honored too. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [46:24] And you'd be able to spend some time with her. Yeah. The timing of your husband finished up school, so you don't have to work. That's right. And you've been in a place where you can be cognitive or cognizant of your mom where she's at. Like you can see God's hand and God's, God using people to, to do his work. So you can be there for your mom and be aware. Yeah. You met, not that you wouldn't have been aware, but the process wouldn't probably would have been a slower process if you're working.

Keri Mitchell: [46:54] Right. Right. Right.

Keith Vance: [46:56] As far as like your mom being on your mind, but now that you're not working, like you're, like you're noticing things that, so that's, you know, in time you see how God is gracious. Right.

Keri Mitchell: [47:07] I never really thought of it like that. Like I never really looked at that timeline that way, which is crazy, but yeah.

Keith Vance: [47:14] And it's hard to see that timeline in real time because all the mechanisms of human beings gearing with other human beings, but when enough time goes by, you can kind of see God's timing over all of it. And we get these glimpses of, man, God, you were there. We couldn't see it, but you were there the whole time. And that's one thing I appreciate about what we're doing right now is, um, this podcast, this platform is either there's a God or there's not. Yep. Hard to deny that there's not a God. That's right. That's right. There's things like this we're talking about. Exactly. You know what I mean?

Keri Mitchell: [47:50] Exactly. Absolutely.

Keith Vance: [47:53] So, so she had these tumors with these roots. They're just twisting her organs. Yeah. She's, she's saying, um, that was a waste of money. I'm good, but you're, but you're being tenacious and you're, you're taking care of your mom. You're, she's not making the appointments. You are. Thank God for that. That God gave you the intuition to do so. That God put you a place in your life that you could care for your mom or be aware of her. Yeah. So keep going.

Keri Mitchell: [48:21] So my sister, Kathy lives pretty close to the hospital. So she was there and spent time because again, I've got the two little ones at the time and she was in a place where she could go there and sleep and stay right with mom. And, um, so she would fill me in on what was going on in cases like this, where it's probably cancer. They don't like to open you up for some reason. The air has, they always talk about not letting the air get to the cancer. It like feeds it. It could spread. Correct. But there was nothing else they could do. It was just, she couldn't live without the surgery. So she just had to go through with it. So they did the surgery and her recovery was pretty rough. It was really hard to keep her heart rate down or blood pressure. There was just a lot of things that were all over the board. Um, and so I don't know the timeframe of how long she spent in the hospital, but she did get to come home, but she really struggled to breathe. And my dad's hearing is not real great. So she said she was, um, Sherry then was able to step in and stay at the house. So it's so cool how God, I was able to initiate some things. Kathy was able to stay at the hospital. Sherry was able to stay at the house.

Keith Vance: [49:47] So the family, the family pulled together to take care of mom. Yeah. The family pulled together to take care of mom.

Keri Mitchell: [49:53] Pretty amazing. That's good. That's right. And so, um, the breathing just was terrible. And And I know they had a visiting nurse and I feel like we just got her home and they're like, something's up. We got to go. We got to take her back. She's got to go back. And one thing she said was, I just want to go to church. I just want to go back to church and I just want to, I want things to be normal again. And so I was part of the, uh, taking her to urgent care. Cause they said, just run up to urgent care with her. And we were sitting there and I remember a lady walking in. And you could tell she was a heavy smoker her whole life. Couldn't breathe, you know, just struggling. And mom's just like kind of comparing herself. Like I've never smoked. I've never drank. I've taken care of myself and I'm going through all this. And then you have somebody like that, you know, and she just was like having a moment for a minute.

Keith Vance: [50:50] Yeah. She's trying to make sense of it. Yeah. Yeah. Why am I making sense of it? And that seems to be a natural process. Why is this happening?

Keri Mitchell: [50:57] Right. When you feel like you're doing everything right. And then you get hit with a hard time. Yeah. And, you know, I tried to be encouraging, but it was, it was hard. Cause it may, I was thinking the same thing in my head. And so then we had to take her to the hospital. Her lungs kept filling up with fluid. So they said, it's a very painful process, but we turn you on your side and we have to actually put this big needle in and pull out the fluid to just try to give you some relief from this.

Keith Vance: [51:29] And they did that.

Keri Mitchell: [51:29] Yep. They did that. And that was, Sherry was there for that process. So she got to be with mom and probably one of the last ones to talk with her, you know, when she was, but we went up to the hospital, um, to see mom the day before.

Keith Vance: [51:44] You said Sherry was with her when they did that.

Keri Mitchell: [51:48] Making the decision. Like she was in the room. Yeah. With her.

Keith Vance: [51:51] When they, when they pulled the, the fluid, Sherry was there.

Keri Mitchell: [51:55] I, I mean, she was there when the doctors are saying, here's what we need to do next. So, um, she just knew that was coming and that was like the next step. But again, you can see how God allowed our schedules to always work out. Like someone was there. It was hard on dad. I don't know how much he could even, he was just, it was overwhelming for him. So it was good for one of us to be there for him and just to listen another set of ears to try to comprehend this information that was hard to take in. And so I was up there the night before with the kids. And, uh, like I say, mom spent a lot of time with Hadley teaching her and working with her. And, um, she said, mom sat with Cassidy or Cassidy Hadley on the bed. And she's like, what does the pig say? Mom said, what's the pig saying? She went going and what's the cow say, moo. And she went through the animals with her and she told her she loved her. And then that next day, you know, after that, it just really didn't help her. And she ended up going on the vent and we found out. So they get a PET scan. It just kind of shows you where the cancer is in the body. And she was on that vent. We got the news back. It was absolutely everywhere from head to toe everywhere in her body. And, um, so, you know, it was just kind of quick, you know, I mean, we're talking October and we lost her November 15th. So we had maybe six weeks maybe of all of it.

Keith Vance: [53:41] That's a short timeline. Cause the way you're talking, I'm thinking this is months, but that's a, that's a, that's a short timeline. You're, you're, you're giving a lot of information in six weeks. That's, that's heavy.

Keri Mitchell: [53:52] Very much. Yeah. And so obviously it was going on a long time. They said it probably was originally a blood cancer, like a, um, lymphoma or, um, there's, uh, Hodgkins, there's non Hodgkins and Hodgkins lymphomas. It was probably one of those had they found out early, it could have been curable. It could have been treated, but that wasn't our story. That's not how it went for us. So like I say, how she was, she never really wanted to go down the road of doctors. Kind of like, if I don't know, I don't know.

Keith Vance: [54:35] And I'm not judging her. Yeah. Um, I want to take a break, but, uh, when we come back from the break, I want to talk about after she passed, what was that dynamic like for the family? Okay. I also want to, at some point talk about, um, because I recently did this, you get a certain age. and you feel like things, like you talk to your mom's health, you feel like you get a certain age, you feel like things can potentially go downhill rapidly. So I proactively got myself all checked out. I just want to know where I'm at 100%. If I got something I want to know now so I can at least know where I'm at for the people that I love. You follow me? Everybody's different, but hearing your mom's story, man, I wish that she would have not waited 30 years to go to the doctor. That's right. God's plan is God's plan, but we can learn from other people's stories. And just watching my parents in their late 60s, I see them slowing, and we're all going towards the grave. Right. And just watching them navigate it and seeing how they maybe could do better or just kind of watching and then trying to make my path with what I'm supposed to be with the information that I have. So I'm glad you're sharing that with me. I think this is a – people need to hear this kind of thing because life, you get old quick. Yeah. Yep. You get old quick. We talked about those incremental changes, the wood incrementally, and before you know it, there's no woodpile left. That's right. And then now it's too late. Right. So let's do that. Let's talk about that transition after the death with the family, and we can just move on to the next.

Keith Vance: [56:36] This part of the podcast is brought to you by Boots and Bubbles. This is a special one for me, man. This is my two girls, 15 and 17. Boots and Bubbles specialize in Southern-style dirty sodas, an alternative to your regular boring soda. So if you're in the Lee County area and you want to book them for an event, find the link in the bio. In the meantime, let's get back to the show.

Crosstalk: [57:00] All right, girl, we're back from the break.

Keith Vance: [57:05] Thank you for taking that time to reminisce about your mom. Yeah. I think even though we were talking about your mom, I think a lot of people can, I think that resonates. I think a lot of moms are that way. Yeah. Absolutely. So even though we're talking about your mama, I think it crosses over to other mamas, make them think about their mama. Yeah. So she passed apart from Dr. Paul's funeral.

Keri Mitchell: [57:36] Yeah. Great turnout.

Keith Vance: [57:39] The biggest one ever.

Keri Mitchell: [57:41] Great turnout. It was.

Keith Vance: [57:43] Her investment on the baby's lives, that nursery. Like, man, what an honor it was to her. Absolutely. Absolutely. Again, thankful to be able to, you and I, connecting God's hand and all of that. Yeah. Orchestrating, moving parts around so that your mom is taken care of. Yeah.

Crosstalk: [58:04] And so she passed that grieving process. And I'm sure you still grieve today. I don't think it ever, I could just, I'm, ooh.

Keri Mitchell: [58:27] Seasons really hit you because when we made the decision that we were going to say goodbye, we were up there, I don't know what floor we were on, but it was six floor higher of the hospital. And I looked out and there wasn't a leaf on the tree. You know, this is Michigan. So, like I say, this whole process started early October. We were just starting, the leaves were just starting to change in October. So going to doctors or going to the hospital to go see her, we would see that transition of the leaves. And that last day when we said goodbye on November 15th, there was not a leaf left on that tree, on any trees outside. And I remember looking out and seeing it like that. And just the process of life and growth and death and new life in the spring. And it just really hit me like that whole process. And so that is one thing that every fall when I see the leaves changing, I think about when she first got sick. And then I'll say, okay, I'll be done raking by November 15th. Because by November 15th, they should be just, all the leaves should be down by then. And so it's hard not to go back to that season of her life and think of that.

Keith Vance: [59:56] Even that, even, you know, when God designed... nature. Yeah. That there are seasons of life and that you can draw that connection. And that when that time, when that those seasons come around, that you're in a state of remembrance to remember your mom and to honor your mom, that's, that's, that's good because people can be forgotten. We just move on to the next thing. So God has a way of these cycles of life, bringing things back around. You know what I mean? It's that's, that's, that's a powerful thought to have. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:00:33] So recently my son was sitting on my floor propped up to the mattress on the floor in my room. And he was sitting there with his legs out, crossed ankle and the way he had his arm on his other side. My mom sat like that when she would sit by the fire, same, same pose. And it was emotional to see. And I took a picture of him. I said, don't move. I have to take a picture of you like this. And, um, just little things like that, that bring back memories of, you know, I didn't think about how she sat forever. And then he just naturally sat like that. And I said, that's how your grandma dockeries to sit just like that. And he, you know, was happy to have done something that reminded me of my mom. So that was really cool.

Keith Vance: [1:01:28] How did the, uh, I want to get back to when your mom passed, did the, the grieving process, the, how did the fam, did the family shift at all? Did they pull together? Did they pull apart? Like, just walk me through that because again, um, you can learn from other people's stories. You can learn from other people's, um, experiences and, um, walk me through that process.

Keri Mitchell: [1:01:57] Well, we now had a dad who had been with his wife for almost 50 years. They were just shy of 50. Wow. We were going to have a party at the church for their 50th that following August. Um, that never happened.

Keith Vance: [1:02:12] So dad, so your dad is a lost puppy.

Keri Mitchell: [1:02:16] He's bad.

Keith Vance: [1:02:17] I can feel that right now, man.

Keri Mitchell: [1:02:19] Bad lost because he went from being at home, living with his parents to going right into marriage. They got married right out of high school. So he didn't know how to do laundry. He didn't know how to cook. He anything domestic at all.

Keith Vance: [1:02:37] Let me, let me interject something here because like, like I tell you, I have all these thoughts. So I do these little, these little studies and I don't even know if you can call it a study, but these, these little researches, because I do wonder which one of us is going to go first. My wife or I, she was 14. I was 16 when we met.

Crosstalk: [1:03:01] So what you're describing, what you're describing, what you're describing, who, um, I want her to go before me, um, because I don't want her to have the pain, but according to the studies, a man clings to his wife, it's, that's even biblical.

Keri Mitchell: [1:03:29] Yeah, that's right.

Keith Vance: [1:03:30] A man clings to his wife. How come it doesn't say a wife clings to her husband, but it says a man clings to his wife. Men cling to their wife and they find it hard to make other connections. Like that's my person. Yeah. Right. A woman and you can, you know, my wife, absolutely. A woman can make a friend anywhere, anytime. Mm-hmm. So statistically speaking, it's better for me to go first because my wife will be just fine without me. She can make these connections. A man wanders around like a freaking lost puppy. Yeah. Yeah. And that's hard.

Keri Mitchell: [1:04:07] Yeah. It's hard to watch because they don't.

Keith Vance: [1:04:10] And I don't want my wife having any other friends. I want to be her friend. Like even when I'm dead, I was like, I don't want you making no friends. Like, so even that, just thinking about my wife, having another friend, man, I want to find out who his friends are. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to harass them. So anyway, go ahead. I can identify with your dad, your lost puppy, because I can feel it already. I don't even their dad.

Keri Mitchell: [1:04:32] And we would have him over Sunday afternoons or whatever, let him hang out with us. And part of him felt like he was intruding on our space, which he didn't need to feel that way, but he just, he didn't know when to leave. He struggled with that. And, uh, um, dad was in the hospital just a few years ago and, uh, he had had another little episode and. And Pastor Vanneman, Todd Vanneman came to the hospital. I was there at the time visiting dad. And Pastor Vanneman said, you remember what we talked about that one time when you were leaving church after Sunday morning? And dad kind of nodded his head. And he said, he said, Corky, I said, well, you know, have a good day. And what are you doing? He's like, you know, going home or whatever. And dad said, this is the hardest part. And he said, what do you mean? And he said, going home to an empty house without Barb there. And when Pastor lost Vanessa, he said, I totally get it. Walking in, empty house, nobody there to greet you, nobody there. And dad had a really, really hard time with that because mom made that house a home.

Keith Vance: [1:05:52] Yeah, she did.

Keri Mitchell: [1:05:53] And it just wasn't the same without her there for him. And so that was hard. That was hard for him.

Keith Vance: [1:06:01] So when your dad felt he lost his place and he's wanting to be around you guys, but feel like he's intruding. Yeah. How come, and I'm guilty of this, how come family can't just communicate and be honest with the way it is? Yeah. How come your dad can't just say, hey, this is new for me. Mm-hmm. I feel like I'm intruding on you guys, but I love being around you guys. Like, can you just, can you just, can we just figure this out together? Yeah. How come, how come we just can't be like that with family?

Keri Mitchell: [1:06:34] Yeah. I don't know. It's, it's. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:06:37] And I mean, it would make it so much easier just to be. Here's how I'm feeling. Mm-hmm. If you guys are tired of me, can you just tell me? Right. And you, you'd be like, I mean, let's just. Hmm. I think because we're so concerned about the other person. Mm-hmm. And then we, we make our own interjections or these are our own ideas of how, what they rationalize, how they probably think of it. And we list that own voice in our head and instead of just listen to the voice. Right. Yeah. Just ask me, dad, just ask me. I'll tell you. I'll tell you, dad.

Keri Mitchell: [1:07:15] It takes you right back to when I didn't want mom to watch my child. Because I felt like she wanted me to be a parent and raise the kid. And so I didn't yet. She was willing and wanted to do that for me. And so it's just, you know, so he just, it was everybody trying to learn a new in our lives without mom, what that looked like and how to help dad and not overstep, not to make him think he can't handle it. So given him some independence and space, but yet always being there for him when he needed.

Keith Vance: [1:07:55] Did you guys have any family meetings about?

Keri Mitchell: [1:07:58] Not that I can remember. I know he wanted to get out there and I don't know if you want to call it dating, but he wasn't, we really didn't think that would be him, but he did want to find people kind of in the same position as him. Like, okay, I lost, I lost my husband and you lost your wife and now we have something in common and maybe we can hang out versus me over here with my own kids who already have a family. And so he did kind of go that route a little bit.

Keith Vance: [1:08:34] So your dad is, and I get it, your dad kind of like lost his identity. He's trying to figure that out. So I understand that as a man that's been married a long time, I can understand that. What about your siblings? Did, did, did one particular sibling take it harder than another? Like, how did you guys, how do you guys deal with that individually or collectively?

Keri Mitchell: [1:09:02] I don't remember really a lot of everyone else. I had a one-year-old and Carson was about eight to 10 weeks old at the time. Um, I was dealing with emotions from having babies and not sleeping good. Yeah. Um, I would just cry a lot and Hadley would say, mommy, why are you sad? Are you missing grandma? And it would be that, um, I would just feel overwhelmed with life and responsibility. And I really struggled. I really struggled with, with that because like I had said before, I had this beautiful picture of, I get up and maybe make something to eat and then, Hey mom, you want to come over? Right. And, um, that kind of thing.

Keith Vance: [1:09:56] You just spoke to something that I want to talk. about.

Keith Vance: [1:10:04] My wife's dad died. He would have been, his birthday was like a week after mine. I forget how old he would have been. But when he died, my wife didn't get to fully grieve him because on the heels of his death, I had an employee on a commercial job site that wasn't tied off.

Crosstalk: [1:10:30] And fell.

Crosstalk: [1:10:34] And I just happened to be on the job site when it happened.

Keith Vance: [1:10:43] And to see a young kid, I knew he was in his 20s. He had like two little babies. And to see him laying there bleeding out his ears, he had urinated. He had defecated.

Crosstalk: [1:10:56] He was making these...

Crosstalk: [1:11:03] Making these death groans. That I'll never forget. And I took my shirt off and wrapped it around his head. And just held him. And he's just looking at me. He met a flight of them. And he was on life support for a while.

Keith Vance: [1:11:30] But that took a lot of my time. And my wife was trying to be there for me during all that. But she had just lost her dad. And so we... Listening to you talk about, hey, where I was in life, I had these babies. To not be able to just hit the pause button on life. Life is hard sometimes. Life almost seems unfair. Sometimes you just want to hit the freaking pause button on life. And just give me a minute. Give me a minute to greet my mom for a little bit. Like life, can you just stop? Like the bills don't stop. Life doesn't stop. Life keeps going. And sometimes it feels like it's not fair. Right. But we had Marcus, my boxing coach on the podcast last week. When things aren't fair, you got two choices. You keep fighting or you quit. You complain about it. Yeah. You got to keep going. Yeah. You got to keep going. Sometimes I wish that we could just certain stages in life, we could just hit pause. Just be in this moment for a minute. Let me digest this.

Keri Mitchell: [1:12:35] Yeah. So I don't really remember what everyone else was going through because I felt overwhelmed in my own mind and life. So my husband changed jobs about two weeks before I delivered Carson. Carson. So like he had a new job and that was going. And, you know, Carson was just a little guy and Hadley was small. And I remember, I don't know why everyone does this, but you have a baby and they're like, when are you going to have another one? Or are you guys going to plan on more kids? And I was like, I can't have a baby without my mom around. Like in my head, I felt like I couldn't do it. But she gave my babies their first baths. Wow. And I was like, I can't do any of this without her. And so I was done with two. Um, but God wasn't. So we had Cassidy and, uh, she was healing for us, for our family. Like when she came, um, it didn't feel like I thought it would feel like it was actually very positive, very, very good to get her in our lives. Um, so she's five years. Yeah. Carson was five when she came.

Keith Vance: [1:14:07] Also, there's a five year gap.

Keri Mitchell: [1:14:09] Yeah. Yeah. Which my family knew gaps. So I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but it is kind of a big gap.

Keith Vance: [1:14:18] It's funny you say that because Karen and I had five babies, like a year apart. The first five. Okay. Then we had a five year gap. Okay. And we got M and Ella. Yeah. And trying to, uh, imagine what our life would be right now without them.

Keri Mitchell: [1:14:39] Yeah. I don't even want to. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:14:41] Like those girls are like gifts to us, boy. Yep. So I can, I can appreciate what you're saying about Cassidy. Yeah. And then to hear my, the oldest five talk about how the two youngest ones are spoiled. Like, you don't have the dad we dad, we had our dad. Like, you know what I mean? And so it was. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to have them and to be able to not spoil them, but to have them around. And I missed out a lot on the first five just because where I was at in life. Correct. And where I was at in life, those kids felt a lot of my struggle. I didn't mean to put it on, but it was just there. Yeah. And then I was young. I was 20-something years old trying to be a dad and working all this kind of stuff. And I did the best I could. But having learned what I learned in those first five, it's nice to be able to have the opportunity to adapt. That's right. And to do better with the next two. It just feels... Yeah. Anyway, just... Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:15:34] And that's where I was when I had Hadley and Carson so close together. And I can remember things like, if you could just tie your own shoes, or if you could just buckle yourself in that, you could save me so much time. And those little things that I was like, you could just get to the next step and just pushing life, like trying to fast forward through their little lives. When we found out we were pregnant with Cassidy, I was like, I am going to soak every second of this baby up. I am not going to wish any of it away. Good. And I want to enjoy it. And for her, my husband ended up having major back surgery and was out for 12 weeks. So she was born March of 18. And his surgery was that fall, October. And so he couldn't hold her and things like that from the surgery. You couldn't pick up more than five pounds. He couldn't twist, bend, all that. But eventually he could. But he was around for her because of that surgery. And then we went into COVID not long after that. And so then he was home all the time working. And so she got a lot more of him versus the older two as well. And I remember thinking, I'm going to soak that in and appreciate this one a little bit more. And I did bring something I wanted to show you. It's in the other room. So if that comes a moment, I can grab something. It's got a story too.

Keith Vance: [1:17:09] We'll catch you in the next break. But I don't want to reprimand you. But we did just have a break.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:14] Yeah. And I forgot about it.

Keith Vance: [1:17:16] And you could have used that as an opportunity. I know. But you know, you just can't. You women sometimes.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:23] I brought it at least. It made its way to Florida.

Keith Vance: [1:17:26] Oh my goodness.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:27] I know.

Keith Vance: [1:17:27] So now we've got to take another break. I've got to figure that out. Sorry. You know, luckily I've got a good son-in-law right here. Yeah. Michael. Behind the scenes. Go get it, brother.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:39] Where is it at? It's in my purse.

Keith Vance: [1:17:42] Bring her her purse.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:42] You're just on your purse? Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:17:44] Okay. Bring her purse. And we don't edit anything. So this is. Raw. This was meant to be.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:50] That's right.

Keith Vance: [1:17:51] Hurry up, Michael. Like he's never had to go get a purse before. And I want it strapped over your shoulder when you bring it in here.

Keri Mitchell: [1:17:58] It is a crossbody. It'll look good. Okay.

Crosstalk: [1:18:02] There you go. Thank you. This, this takes us back to mom.

Keri Mitchell: [1:18:17] This was in my garden after I had my, had my son, Carson. Take a look at that.

Crosstalk: [1:18:27] What is it? Can you tell? This is Dr.

Keith Vance: [1:18:32] So say Dr. Shoal's?

Keri Mitchell: [1:18:34] Shoals. It's a shoe. Dr. Shoals. Shoe brand.

Keith Vance: [1:18:36] Oh, your mom wore those.

Keri Mitchell: [1:18:38] Yes. She wore those. And.

Keith Vance: [1:18:41] Oh, yeah. I remember as a kid thinking like they were like real. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:18:44] And she always had shoe like foot problems. So she always had to have.

Keith Vance: [1:18:49] Did grandma Armstrong wear those same type shoes? Yeah. I remember looking at her shoes and thinking, man, those are some big old boxy shoes. Yeah. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:18:56] So I had Carson, like I say, the end of August and sometime that summer, fall time, whatever, I was in my garden and I found that rubber piece of Dr. Shoals. She was in my flower beds pulling weeds at some point when I was either at the hospital or something and she, that fell off of her shoe and I found her shoe and it was missing off her shoe and I found that in my garden or in my flower bed and I have held onto it ever since because it showed again, her personality. She probably didn't feel good, but she wanted to help and she knew that was one way she could help me out while I was.

Keith Vance: [1:19:44] Remember what I said, beginning this podcast, there are no coincidences. I'm beginning to understand there are no coincidences. We just don't see it. Like God has his perfect timing, everything. The problem is we're blind to it and don't see it. That's right. That wasn't by accident. No. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:20:02] So, Carrie, let's make another transition. We talked about your dad being a lost puppy. We talked about that transition, what you went through in life. You went through another hard thing. You didn't lose your dad, but in a way you did. So, let's talk about the next major weight that you carried in regard to your father. You buried your mom. How many years later? Let's talk about the process. What's the next big one?

Keri Mitchell: [1:20:29] So, dad wasn't taking care of himself. Mom wasn't in the picture anymore. He was pretty much on his own, and fast food was his thing. It was just he wanted fast and quick and whatever was there. He wasn't going to make food at home. And he was diabetic, type 2 diabetic, and he wasn't taking his insulin. He wasn't taking his meds. He wasn't watching his diet. Right. So, his, and he had some heart failure stuff going on. So, he had really cut back on the lawns, cutting grass. Because, again, he worked at GM. He retired from GM in 99, 2000. And then on the side, he would do auctioning, and he would do the yard work. Yep.

Keith Vance: [1:21:21] Yeah. Was he not taking care of himself because your mom just took good care of him? Or was he, like, the fat, like, did he not know how to cook? Like, did your, like me? I mean, luckily I got those two little girls we talked about. Yeah. I feel like they could take pretty good care of me. Sure. But there's a lot of stuff just, like, listen to you talk that my wife, I don't know how to do laundry.

Keri Mitchell: [1:21:43] Yeah. Like, exactly.

Keith Vance: [1:21:44] When we were in Michigan this last time, Kimmy was laughing because I didn't know how to do, like, Keith, you don't know how to do laundry? He's like, no, I never had to. These five girls take care of me. So, is that, was that, did your mom make sure he had his insulin? Like, did your mom, like, Corky? Right. Did you take your insulin? Was that, was that the relationship or no?

Keri Mitchell: [1:22:05] Yeah. I mean, she would try to make him a really nice meal and then he'd run, get a Diet Coke or go get McDonald's on top. Oh, okay. So, it's different. He was a bad, he was bad patient.

Keith Vance: [1:22:16] It's different. Got it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:22:17] So, she was trying and he's kind of, you know.

Keith Vance: [1:22:20] So, the enforcer's not here anymore so I can do what I want. Yeah, pretty much. Okay, so it's different. Okay. Got it. Pretty much. Okay.

Keri Mitchell: [1:22:28] So, he stopped doing the activities. Like, he still had the farm animals, but he didn't have the yardworms. So, he wasn't walking and pushing that lawnmower all the time. Yeah. Because he only had walkbehinds. He didn't have a rider. So, he was getting that exercise. So, that went way down. Junk food went up. And it was just the perfect recipe for health failure and a stroke. So, in 2018, so we had Cassidy March 2018. My husband had his back surgery that October. We then, that next April, we, I don't know if we want to talk about the next thing that happened, but, and my husband found out he had cancer, melanoma.

Crosstalk: [1:23:20] Okay, let's talk about it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:23:22] On his ear. So, he got through the back surgery great, but even before that, he had a spot on his ear on the backside. So, something he never would have seen. And I said, what's that red spot? Is that sore? Is that hurt or whatever? And he's like, where? You know, and I'm like, right here. And I touch it and I give him his hand, like, feel this spot. You know, he's like, nothing. I don't know. He's like, I have a physical coming up. I'll ask the doctor about it. So, he asked and she said, nothing. Don't worry about it. Really? Nothing to worry about. So, let it go. You know, then he has his back surgery. Heals up from that. And he was going to Great Clips, just a cheaper place to go get your hair cut. And the same person kept cutting his hair. And she says, what is that spot on your ear? And he's like, you know what? My wife said something about it. You're saying something about it. I'm going to go to the dermatologist. Just get it checked out. So, he went and the dermatologist said, we're going to take a biopsy of it. But I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Okay, cool. So, now it's Easter time. It's April of 2019. And we're actually in line to meet the Easter bunny with the kids. And he met us from work. And he said, I got the results back from that biopsy. Okay, what is it? It's melanoma. It's like the worst skin cancer you can get. So, standing there in that line, just trying to take that in. Okay, good. Thank you. Um, dad's stroke was the end of 2018. So we had that happen prior to the skin cancer. Um, it was December 2nd or 3rd, but I believe it was the 2nd of December. It was a Sunday. Um, dad would religiously bring my children McDonald's Sunday morning before church. It sometimes slowed us down and it sometimes was not convenient, but he loved to do it. And we let him do it. And the kids will always remember, they call them circle sandwiches from McDonald's and parfaits. Hadley got parfaits and the other two got, or it, Cassie was tiny. So it was just the two older ones. Remember it. And he would drop that off. And then sometimes one of the kids would jump in the car with him because we're going to the same, same spot. So we go to church. Um, that Sunday morning, he had been to a garage sale and he got me a cement dog. He put it on my front porch. He brought us the food, got in his truck. We went to church. I was in the nursery and, um, one of the guys does security and stuff. He's like, your dad's not acting right. He's kind of leaning, acting nauseous. Not sure what's going on. So go down there. I'm like, dad, would you have to eat today? He's like, I've just had some coffee. Um, and that was typical for him. He really didn't eat breakfast good. And, um, so I said, let's take you up here to the urgent care. So went up there and I was the only child there. So I kind of had to help make this decision for him and, um, decided to take the ambulance to the hospital. And he ended up having the major full blown stroke sometime in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. And, um, my sister and brother-in-law, I think my only, my brother-in-law was there at the time, but there was family there waiting at the hospital. Um, it was hard to judge that timing because there is a shot they can give to try to reverse the effects of a stroke, right? But it was really hard to make that judgment. And it was a lot of pressure on the person there to have to do that. And so we opted out of that. You know, it was one of those things you asked the doctor, what would you do if it was your dad? And he was like, you know, I don't think you should. And so we went with that or they made that decision.

Keith Vance: [1:27:39] You had to make the call. Somebody had to make the call.

Keri Mitchell: [1:27:42] That's right. And so, um, he had that full blown stroke and, um, it affected his entire right side. He's, he is right-handed. Um, so full right side wasn't usable. We could see, you know, the face changing and that kind of thing. We really felt like they weren't doing a lot for him and we felt frustrated by the hospital, but now knowing the stroke and what that looks like, there's really not a whole lot you can do. The body's just processing through it. It's a blood clot somewhere in the brain. It's trying to land itself and figure it out. And there's just, it's really a waiting game and there's really nothing you can do.

Keith Vance: [1:28:27] I don't, I don't do well on waiting games.

Keri Mitchell: [1:28:29] Oh, it was bad for us.

Keith Vance: [1:28:31] That's frustrating, especially when you're talking about the kind of stakes that you're talking about and someone you love and like that, that's hard.

Keri Mitchell: [1:28:38] It is hard. It's really hard to watch. And, um, so that was December second or third on a Sunday and he stayed in the hospital from the hospital to rehab in the lower level of that same hospital the entire month of December. So that Christmas he was there and just hard to, we all went there to the hospital on Christmas, but you're taking a man who was independent, right? He lost his wife. He's trying to navigate life without her. Now he can't even stand up. He's lost his truck. He can't drive his truck. He can't live on his own. His independence is completely gone.

Keith Vance: [1:29:22] And so he's, he's slowly having things stripped away from him. Correct. And slowly being crippled. Correct. And as a man, like I can feel that because my identity is a provider caretaker, the strongest one in the room, like what needs to get done? Like, Hey, let me take care of somebody. That's right. And for me to be in that position, I, I would not take it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:29:48] Well, no, no, no, no.

Keith Vance: [1:29:51] That, that hits deep with me. Yeah. I can feel that. Yeah. Especially knowing your dad.

Keri Mitchell: [1:29:57] Yeah. It was tough. It was really tough. to watch. Um, so you're given an, you're given an option where are you going to put him? He's got to go. He's done with therapy. Now what? And now this is a big, let me help you understand.

Keith Vance: [1:30:12] So he's in the hospital for it. You said a month, a month.

Keri Mitchell: [1:30:15] Yeah. From getting there to, you know, finish with therapy. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:30:20] Right. Okay. Got it. Yeah. So now he finished therapy. Um, he's, what would you say percentage wise from what he was before the stroke? If you were to, if you're put on, is he, if he's 50%? He's not walking. He's not even walking.

Keri Mitchell: [1:30:36] He's in a wheelchair. He's in a wheelchair. Can't feed himself.

Keith Vance: [1:30:39] Wow. Okay. Can't feed himself. Yeah. And along with some, can he bathe himself? Can he, so he's, he's helpless. He's helpless.

Keri Mitchell: [1:30:49] On everyone else. Yep.

Keith Vance: [1:30:50] Okay. I got, I got the picture now.

Keri Mitchell: [1:30:52] Yeah. So his speech was bad. He was slurring. He was hard to understand. So he had to do speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy for now. This is where my sister, Kathy comes in better than me for the beginning stages, but that was her life. Cause so when they say he needs to go, like he's done insurance, can't pay anymore. Where do we, where does he go from here? My sister, Kathy, um, she does what's called respite care. So she works with special needs and elderly. She has the heart for people with special needs and the elderly. They just come to her. They find her because she has the sweet spirit about her and it's just her thing. And she's been that way forever. When she went to Bob Jones university, she wanted to get into special needs, but they didn't offer that at the time. Um, but that's just where she's gifted. And it was so cool after dad's stroke to see everyone's background and how everybody could come together. So dad still had his house and his animals. Sherry's got the animals. That's her thing.

Keith Vance: [1:32:14] She's right around the corner.

Keri Mitchell: [1:32:15] Yeah. So she's like, I got the house and the animals. I can take care there. I worked in physical therapy for seven years and I wasn't doing it obviously. Cause I had quit work after having the babies, but physical therapy was my thing. So I was like, I'll come work with dad. I'll help dad get better and stronger. And then Craig is a pastor. His schedule was a little more flexible. So he teamed up with Kathy because Kathy's like, I'll take dad. This is a no brainer. I love this. So Kathy took dad in after the stroke and teamed up with my brother Craig because his schedule was flexible and they got him to therapy because it was, it was a full-time job.

Keith Vance: [1:33:02] I remember this. I remember this because remember I said six years ago when I didn't know I had a cousin and I was up there for uncle Ron. He ended up passing. Yeah. We went back up for the funeral. And I remember your sister and her husband bringing your dad to the funeral. And it was during that, right after that COVID area that they were worried if they're going to come or not because of his health. Sure. They brought them. And I remember your brother-in-law having your dad. That belt. By the belt loop. Mm-hmm. Supporting him by the belt loop. Yep. And I just, I remember, I remember feeling sad because not what I remember your dad being like. Yeah. I remember being thankful that the family was taking care of him. Yeah. Yeah. So I remember, I remember a portion of that. Yeah. So go ahead.

Keri Mitchell: [1:33:56] Yeah. So they stepped up and, um, took care of dad and.

Keith Vance: [1:34:01] How long did they take care of him for?

Keri Mitchell: [1:34:03] Um, around two years. Wow. About two years. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [1:34:08] So your sister's bathing him. Yeah. Just.

Keri Mitchell: [1:34:13] And he's, and he's got an attitude like he's not loving life. And she got him at the worst, um, time because he was, she helped get him from wheelchair to walking with a walker.

Keith Vance: [1:34:28] She did that.

Keri Mitchell: [1:34:29] Yeah. With all the therapy and all the dedication to his health. Um, and it took the two of them, like Kathy was still working. So she would, she was off for some time, but she, she's so good at what she does. They just kept asking, begging for her to come back. So she went back. Um, and so it was kind of, she could tag team with my brother. Like I'll meet you at the, I'll meet you at physical therapy. And she would drop him off. Kathy'd go to work. Craig could stay there and wait for him to finish and take him home. And they made a great team for those crucial time where it was important to get him in therapy. They did different therapies with his eyes and with his hand, because after the stroke, it's just squeezed tight and it won't open. And then there's different things you can put on the hand to stretch it open and try to get it moving again.

Keith Vance: [1:35:27] So you mentioned some of the physical things. What about some of the behavioral things or emotional things or like his personality wise? Did the stroke affect his personality? It did.

Keri Mitchell: [1:35:41] Yeah, he was emotional, cried all the time. And then he was just kind of defiant in some ways to Kathy. It's really challenging to be a caregiver and a family member when it's your dad, because you have to treat them a little differently to try to get them better and help them. And now he's not treating you like a daughter. He's treating you like you're the nurse or whatever. And that's hard to get through, you know, when you're treated differently.

Keith Vance: [1:36:15] I want to take as much time as we need here. And I want to dissect it as close as we need to. Because I think this is a reality for a lot of people nowadays. People are living longer. Strokes are a thing. I mean, I mean, my dad had a mini stroke a few years ago. He has to take a baby aspirin right now. Health care is expensive. Insurance doesn't cover a lot of things. A lot of times this responsibility falls on family members. Yeah. And I want to make sure that we do this justice for me, again, looking forward to if this is in my future, how do I take care of my parents? Like I have some time. Like what are some things I maybe need to put in place to make sure that they get the best care possible? Or for someone that's in the middle of it that just feels like, man, I just need a break. So I just want to make sure we do this justice. And just as we're talking through it, just as memories come up, just process them. I also know that, and I don't know everything, but I also know that this period of time in your sibling's life was a strain. Yeah. I think that everybody has an idea of what the best pathway is, but nobody really knows what the best pathway is. You guys have never been in this position before. So everybody's trying to do their best. And sometimes someone has a different view than you, and that can be contentious. I don't want to, you have an opportunity here to speak that your siblings don't. And I don't, they can't speak for themselves. And we're not, I don't want anybody to feel like they're being judged unfairly. Right. But just speak to the reality of it. Yeah. The way from your perspective. And then they love it. You love your, you love your siblings. Yeah. Absolutely. In a loving, compassionate way. And this is not to cause hurt, but this is to, to help someone who may, who may this, may be their reality.

Keri Mitchell: [1:38:12] Yeah, for sure.

Keith Vance: [1:38:13] So let's navigate through it. Just, just walk us through it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:38:17] So it became challenging for Kathy juggling. I can imagine.

Keith Vance: [1:38:21] You know, I can imagine. And for two years.

Keri Mitchell: [1:38:24] Yeah. Yeah. And so it became hard. Her kids are grown, but she has grandbabies. And so she's working. She's wanting time with her kids, her grandkids. And dad was full-time as well. I mean, it was just asking a lot and taking on an in-law. You know what? My brother-in-law having to take on my dad too. I mean, living with them and it's, it's something you don't realize till you live it. And so I didn't see the full, I didn't understand fully until I was in their shoes.

Keith Vance: [1:39:00] Even your brother-in-law's perspective. Yeah. That's his wife.

Keri Mitchell: [1:39:04] That's right. That's right.

Keith Vance: [1:39:06] His primary is her. He needs to protect her, take care of her. And when he sees her being diminished, there's that side of it. There's hurt there. Like, okay, my wife, I can see my wife is being diminished here. That's right. There's too much for her.

Keri Mitchell: [1:39:17] That's right.

Keith Vance: [1:39:17] And him wanting to do right by your dad, but also his wife. Help her. So there's all these dynamics that come into place when there's pressure on the family. That's right. Yeah. I can see that. So let's go. So they.

Keri Mitchell: [1:39:30] So it was, it was time to change things up. They had had a full plate for a long time and dad needed somewhere to go. And we had moved into our current home in the summer of 2019. 2019. That home was built by a friend of my dad's. Dad had been in that home. Um, and, um, when we moved there, Um, dad had already had his stroke, but we didn't tell anybody. We just moved in. We sold the other house or we started renting the other house and moved. And I got dad in the car with me. And I said, we're going to drive to this place. Okay. We pull in. I said, you know where you are, dad? He's like, yeah, I'm at Jerry's house. I said, dad, we bought this house. He's like, no kidding.

Keith Vance: [1:40:24] Well, Hey, that's a nice house, by the way. Thank you. I love that. You did a good job. I love that house.

Keri Mitchell: [1:40:30] That was my dream house. Actually. Um, when I was younger, we would drive by there and I was like, I've always wanted that house. And then we got it. It was just like crazy. But the basement is fully, it has a full kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, walkout. Um, it wasn't why we got it. But in my mind, I thought to myself, dad could stay here. He could live here if he wanted. And I asked him when we moved there, would you ever like to stay here? And he said, no, I would not want to be here. And I was kind of taken back by his answer, but it was okay. And then with circumstances and Kathy, it was the end of 2020, she had to face COVID, um, head on with dad, living with her and trying to make the right decisions for dad. And that was hard. Um, and so it was time to, to change things up. And I decided I would take dad. Um, I am afraid of, I have a big phobia of shots and I would have to give him a shot twice a day and I don't do shots. Um, I was going to have to do help in the bathroom. Phobia can't handle that stuff. I was going to have to do that. Um, I was going to have to face a lot of fears and a lot of things that never wanted to do, never wanted to do.

Keith Vance: [1:42:12] But you had the space for them. I did. And you felt like this is what you're supposed to do. So you didn't let those phobias or fears stop you from doing what you thought you're supposed to do. Right. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:42:25] And I just said, I can do today. And every day it was, I can do today. That's all I can do. And that's how I had to look at it.

Keith Vance: [1:42:34] Can I ask you a question? You said, um, you had a phobia of giving shots or receiving them.

Keri Mitchell: [1:42:43] I hate needles.

Keith Vance: [1:42:44] Um, describe to me the first time you had to give him a shot.

Keri Mitchell: [1:42:48] Um, he's a little bit of a jokester and I put it in his stomach and he went like that. And so of course I'm already freaking out that I'm going to hurt him. And then he did that just to be funny. So I was like, thanks dad. Just trying to break the ice, I guess.

Keith Vance: [1:43:06] Did you ever get used to it or was every time?

Keri Mitchell: [1:43:09] Was it like, um, life with him was always like shots.

Keith Vance: [1:43:15] Did you ever used to give him the shots?

Keri Mitchell: [1:43:17] Everything always kind of kept me edgy, like a little tense. Um, but I got used to it and it was not that bad. It was not that bad.

Keith Vance: [1:43:25] Um, thinking about giving my parents, taking my parents to the restroom. You've had to do that.

Crosstalk: [1:43:34] Yeah. Can you tell me what that's like? Um, the first time you're dead.

Keri Mitchell: [1:43:43] Yeah. You go into like a survive survivor mode, like survival mode. Uh, you kind of are like, again, it's not about you. It's about them and like helping them and making that process as smooth as you can without awkwardness or them feeling. Um, he had said, I never thought my daughter would be helping me in this way. That was what he would say.

Keith Vance: [1:44:16] That had to be again for a man, just one, one, put myself in the shoes of the caregiver for my dad or my mom trying to appreciate what you did. And then to put myself in his shoes and my daughter.

Keri Mitchell: [1:44:32] Yeah. Hard, super hard.

Keith Vance: [1:44:34] The one that I, I, I work for and like, I'm supposed to be doing this for you. So I can put myself on both sides. That's right. So let's hear it. Yeah. Your side to him, then his side to you. Let's hear it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:44:47] You know, it was like he sacrificed so much for us, you know, back going back to him working so hard and to get us through school and, uh, what he viewed as important. in our lives. And so I felt I owed it to him. And so that was the only way I could do any of it because again, it was so hard, so hard. Um, but you know, like I love old country music. Dad loves old country music and I would turn it on and get the shower ready, get it warm in the bathroom, you know, and, um, help him in there and just blast the music and try to set a different tone that, you know, kind of took us away from where we were and what we were actually doing. And thinking back to like mowing lawns and driving down the road with the windows down, he never used the air. We always had to have the windows down. So your hair's blowing and everything, but the music going, the country going and the windows down. And it's just, I was trying to, go to a better place that we were because him and I, we spent a lot of time together. We, we watched wrestling. We grew up watching wrestling, which mom, mom hated that I loved it.

Keith Vance: [1:46:10] Because going back to your 1000 square foot house, now 1000 acre square foot house or whatever it was. So sorry. The kitchen, the bedrooms all on one side and then the living room and the way the couch was set up. Yeah. Nine times out of 10, it was either baseball or it was WWF big time. Your dad was a big time wrestler, but back when wrestling was good, Jake, the snake, Hulk Hogan, the Andre, the giant, like that's back when it was good. Yeah. So that's right. Let's hear it.

Keri Mitchell: [1:46:39] Yeah. So I was quite the fan and if they ever were in town or had signings, um, I'd find out and I'd be like, dad, we gotta go, we gotta go meet them. And so we've met quite a few wrestlers over the years. And my favorite, favorite, favorite was Hulk Hogan was just a little, like just over a year ago, Hulk Hogan was coming to town and I found out and I called dad up at his home and I said, dad, you want to go meet Hulk Hogan? And he said, yeah, I do. I said, all right, I'm going to pick you up tomorrow and we're going to go. And, uh, thankfully my husband worked it out so he could drive us. Hmm. And so we all three went and it was a beautiful drive. It wasn't like expressway driving. It was kind of back road driving. And we ended up at this party store. Uh, Hulk Hogan came out with his own real American beer. So never had beer in my life. I want nothing to do with that stuff. Um, so we pull up, we get a spot and, um, they said, well, if you want to meet him, you got to buy a case of beer and you get a receipt, you go get a receipt, one case per person. And then you get in this long line. And then when you show your receipt, he'll sign the case and hand you the case. So, um, there's three of us. So I was like, my word, I cannot believe we're doing this. And, um, we left dad in the car because it was a long line. So just let him, so we got a nice parking spot up front. So the plan was we come around the building. Once we get close, get him out, stand in line. He's only got to wait 15 minutes. Maybe he can sit on his walker at that point. No big deal. So that's what we did. So I said, dad, it's time to get out. Well, he, I needed to take him to the restroom. So we went and did that, came back. And one of the guys running, running the whole thing, he was kind of keeping an eye on the crowds and they were selling t-shirts and hats and stuff like that. He said, um, you guys here come with me, come with me. Dad says, man, if I'd known that I haven't, I'd have got out of the car a long time ago. It was cute. So we go right up to the front and, uh, met Hogan and talk to him. And dad talked about how much he loved wrestling and watching him and Hogan was real personable and genuine and had a good conversation. I said, all right, Hogan, do it all over again. Would you do it all the same? He said, yeah, but I'd change one thing. That leg drop just killed my knee and my back. He's like, I'd have done a sleeper hold.

Keith Vance: [1:49:24] Yeah. So he's in the body.

Keri Mitchell: [1:49:26] Pretty cool. Yeah. And then he ended up passing away. Um, not that long after he had some complications with some surgeries, but, um, wrestling was dad and I's thing. We loved it. We loved that connection. We would get tickets to the palace of Auburn Hills. Um, we'd go to the Joe Lewis arena, Cobo hall, different places.

Keith Vance: [1:49:49] I see Michael Mendes heading over here. He knows all these places. Yeah. He's reliving it with us. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:49:55] So we'd go, I'd get tickets. We'd go get as close to the front as I could. It was amazing. It was my favorite.

Keith Vance: [1:50:05] So when you were doing things that you didn't want to do. Yeah. You mentally went to a better place. Yeah. You went to those. You went to rest. You went there. Yep. And it's funny how the mind can disassociate to get stuff done. You think about, listen, you women. Yeah. Listen, you women getting ready to have a baby. Mm-hmm. But you get it done. Like your mind, like God made us in a way where, whew, this is going to be hard, but our mind is able to adapt and figure it out when you don't think you could. Mm-hmm. In that moment. Mm-hmm. If I don't get this done, it's not going to get done. And God gives us those tools to be able to disassociate, compartmentalize, or, you know, whatever to figure it out. Yeah. And then do those hard things. Because if I don't do it, who will? Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Good stuff. So your dad's living with you. Mm-hmm. You jumped forward to Hogan. He said he had a home. So how long was your dad with you, and what was that time like when he was with you?

Keri Mitchell: [1:51:03] He moved in around January of 21.

Keri Mitchell: [1:51:09] And he stayed until April of 24. So I had just over three years with him.

Keith Vance: [1:51:15] So your sister had just over three.

Keri Mitchell: [1:51:18] Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I felt that weight. My kids, when he moved in, I had a two-year-old, a seven-year-old, and an eight-year-old. Wow. And if we go back to when I was telling you how Cassidy was this surprise that I just wanted to soak in, I was being a little selfish. And the reason I didn't, one of the other reasons I didn't want dad to live with me was because I just wanted to keep soaking in that baby. Mm-hmm. And I didn't want to share her. And so that was hard for me. I really just wanted to focus on her. I was still fully at home. Mm-hmm. And they had gone off to school. And it was just her and I. And I was loving that. And so now I had to give that up so I could give dad time. And so that was really hard for me. But the two of them napped together. She would go in his chair and lay on his armrest and rest her head on his. And I would find them sleeping, napping together. And, you know, it was good for her. She has an appreciation for elderly because even the older two do too. But she spent a lot of time with him because she was home all day with me.

Keith Vance: [1:52:38] We talked about Cassidy kind of like being a healing process for you.

Keri Mitchell: [1:52:45] Yeah, she was.

Keith Vance: [1:52:46] And then for your dad too. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Again, when enough time goes by. Yeah. God's plan, that wheel of God's plan sometimes goes so slow that we can't see it. And it's just got to take a few revolutions for us to see what God did. But even giving you the gift of Cassidy. Yeah. To be there for your dad, to minister to your dad, to bring some healing to your dad. Right. Even though it never really got easier, just those little respites. If she wasn't around, it probably could have been a lot harder. Yeah. Right. In a way.

Keri Mitchell: [1:53:18] Yeah. And when I had her.

Keith Vance: [1:53:21] It gave him something to focus on. That's right. It gave him something to focus on. I can't sit here and be a pity party all the time. I've got this girl that needs me. That's right. I can just see the dynamic as I kind of visualize it. I can kind of see the dynamic.

Keri Mitchell: [1:53:33] Yeah. And it was exactly like you have an old dog and a puppy. Have you ever had an old dog and you get a puppy and it brings this life back into the old dog? And that's kind of what they did for each other. It brought life back to him. Like, where's my girl? Where's that Cassidy? When we were with our first two, we did not find out what we were having. And with her, we're like, she's a surprise. Let's just go for it and find out what we're having. And we talked about names and we were scheduled to go to Disney. We found out we were pregnant and we were scheduled for Disney and a hurricane hit, whatever that 2017 year was. So trip was canceled. But my husband's like, I mean, we literally told the kids days before we were going to leave and they canceled it just like down to the wire. So we're like, hey, guess what? We're not going now. Terrible. So we were like, let's go to a water park. So we pick a water park in Ohio. We spend the day there. We get ready to leave. Let's go to Bob Evans, have breakfast, and then we'll get on the road and go home. We go to Bob Evans and the waitress walks up and her name's Cassidy. I'm like, what do you think of that? It's like, I kind of like it. So I took one of the kids' menus, paper menus, and I wrote Cassidy and I folded it up and I put it in my purse. So then it always, that was it. Like we just loved the name. And then, um, after that we were like, okay, middle name, what are we going to do? So we were like, my middle name, Sue, my mom, her middle name was Sue. So maybe we could go Cassidy Sue. Some people had used Sue in the family. So I'm like, I don't know. So I thought Cassidy Coy, dad's first name is Coy. Nobody had used it. Not one of the grandkids has his, his name.

Keith Vance: [1:55:33] Plus it kind of rolls off the tongue. Nice. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [1:55:35] So I said to my husband, I said, what do you think of Cassidy Coy? And he's like, I don't know. Not really sold on it. It's okay. That's all right. You know, whatever. Well, one night we're just, just getting into bed. It's quiet. He says, you want Cassidy Coy? You can do Cassidy Coy. And I just lost it. I was just like, thank you. So, um, I think it's pretty cool. Another awesome story of how she's named after him. And when he came to see her at the hospital, I got to hand, and that was the other thing I wanted. I wanted a person here that I could actually say, she's named after you, dad. And I said, her middle name's Coy. And he thought that was pretty cool. And then, um, him then forward, moving forward, him having that stroke that same year, the end of that year, and then being with us and them having a bond, like none other, a special bond is just pretty cool to see that whole thing.

Keith Vance: [1:56:38] Yeah, it really is a gift in the midst of something that feels the opposite of a gift.

Keri Mitchell: [1:56:45] Correct. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it was such a heavy, hard time in my life, uh, having to care for him in that way. Like I say, it was not something natural for me. Like I, I didn't want to have to do that side of my, with my dad. Um, and so we've, I drive my kids to school every day and we're always talking, you know, on the ride and it's a 20, about a 20 minute drive. And one day I just said, tell me what you guys thought about grandpa living with us. And Cassie said, I wish he still lived with us. Like what seemed like a bad time, a negative dark time for me was good for her. She, and I'm grateful that my hard time didn't rub off on them and that they didn't feel that heaviness that I felt the side of it. I had to do.

Keith Vance: [1:57:46] And that's, that's, I'm glad you said that because that's one thing that I wanted, I wanted to circle back to you're dealt these cards, you're doing the best you can. Your sister, your sister took the lead and then it worked out where, Hey, now it's my turn. Now it's your turn, but different people's perspective on the same situation here. It's crushing you, but your daughter is, Hey man, there was some good times for me loving it. So that makes it, that makes life complicated because we see things at different angles and some people are seeing a blessing in it. Some people are thinking, man, why am I dealt this? Like, yeah. And trying to figure out which is the right one and which is the wrong one. What's the right reaction? What's the wrong reaction? I, I had Morgan Wright on the podcast a while ago and he said something that I think about often. He talked about kids nowadays don't know how to swing on a swing. And I said, well, that's terrible. He said, no, it simply is. Some things are, it's just what it is. It's not right or wrong. It's not wrong. That kid doesn't know how to swing on a swing. Not right or wrong. It's just what it is. He said, but I teach them how to swing on a swing. Because when you go come to a place where, well, this is just what it is. It gives you like the ability to have a positive mindset and okay, okay, how are we going to navigate through this? That has helped me. And that's one thing I appreciate about having this podcast is getting different people's life stories. And it just kind of helps me broaden how I view life. Yeah. But it's interesting here you are being crushed and your daughters, man, I love being around my grandpa. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the same situation. Sure. It's the same person in the same house doing the same things. And it's just the perspective. And obviously you had a different role in the matter than her, obviously.

Keri Mitchell: [1:59:47] But sometimes we try to protect our kids from things when reality is it's going to build character for them. And that's kind of how I was. I didn't want them to see him failing and hurting and, you know, at his low. I really didn't want them to see that.

Keith Vance: [2:00:09] And this is new territory for you. It was. You're trying to do the best you can and you're trying to do the best for everybody. It's new territory. So it's not right or wrong. Right. It just is what it is. And you're trying to do the best with the situation that you're dealt with.

Keri Mitchell: [2:00:21] And it brings another thing to know when you're put in this position as a caregiver for a loved one. And there's heavy guilt. Like I'm now losing time with my babies who are growing up so fast. And I'm trying to give dad enough time and them enough time. And I feel like I'm losing it both. You're stretched. And my husband and my housework. You're stretched. I was so stretched. And I just felt like I had an elephant on my chest. I just had this like heavy heaviness of overwhelmed. And I some days didn't even feel like I don't even know where to begin. But then it became almost like a zombie. Like I could get down to the basement to care for dad. And I don't even remember the steps. How I got there. Because it was just became, you know, at the beginning it was like one day at a time. And then I was like, I just want to be, I just want this to hurry up.

Keith Vance: [2:01:23] In the beginning it was one day at a time. But now it sounds like there is, like time is one continual duration. Correct. It's not one day at a time. It's just one long day. I can feel it as you're talking about that. Yeah, it was. So you've already started this process of, you said, you've already started this conversation. I want to stay here for a minute. Let's talk about this segment of time that you're in where, hey, I wanted one day at a time. But now I just want the days to get over with. I'm stretched. Now I feel like a zombie. Let's just live here for a minute.

Keith Vance: [2:02:04] Tell me that story. And where did it, where, where was the breaking point? Was there a breaking point?

Keri Mitchell: [2:02:10] So anytime you see someone, the only thing they ever said to me was, how's your dad? How's your dad? How's your dad? So things became no more about my kids or me or anything else. And I get it. I do the same thing with people. Like if your loved one's not well, that's on your mind. That's what you're going to ask.

Keith Vance: [2:02:34] I want to hit a pause button here.

Crosstalk: [2:02:37] I have a daughter that had a baby. And I have daughter-in-laws that had babies.

Keith Vance: [2:02:49] And I can't remember which one said it, but they're carrying this child and everybody's asking about how's the baby doing. Yeah. And them feeling like that same feeling you have. What am I? Just a carrier? What am I? Just the mechanism, the carriers that they like having those real feelings. Correct. So again, as we share these stories, they're not too slander to hurt, but they're too, hey, when you talk to a mother that's having a baby, just in the back of your head, hey, mama, how you doing? Yeah. Hey, mama, how you doing? Like just these things that we don't think about. So thank you for sharing that. And as we digest this, we'll just like, it's helpful to how we help us navigate in our relationships to love one another and just to be aware. So that was powerful. So they're all asking about your dad. Yeah. And meanwhile, you're feeling like, I'm not doing that great.

Keri Mitchell: [2:03:40] Right. So they do a, I think it was for insurance, but they have someone call and they ask like, okay, this is for the patient. So are they depressed? So he's asking me all this stuff. We need to go through this. Are they, is your dad depressed? Nope. Um, how's he sleeping? Good. Uh, is he getting taken care of? Well, yeah, he's good. And he's going through all this. And I said, at the end, I said, I'm really glad you didn't ask me those same questions because I would have probably, I would have, I would have answered them different. Like I was the one depressed. I was the one forgetting to brush my teeth. I was the one that was struggling.

Keith Vance: [2:04:26] And, and in a way you saying, I wish if you would ask me, that would have been different in a way that was a call for help.

Keri Mitchell: [2:04:32] Yeah. But then does that look selfish? And I was struggling with, am I being selfish? And am I a quitter? If I say, I can't do this anymore. And that was heavy too, because everyone says, that's your dad. Like, that's what you do. You, you give everything for a parent. You have to be honoring of a parent. Like you have to do that. Like you have to do that. And I thought, but what about my husband that I made a promise to? I left my parents to go make a family with him, and now he's suffering, and I'm not giving him what he needs. And so, I had to, my reality was, he is my rock, and he is the one, you know, he let my dad come live with us, and he allowed that, and he supported me. But I wasn't giving him what he needed as a husband.

Keith Vance: [2:05:35] Not because you didn't want to, because you're spread thin. I just couldn't get it all together. There's nothing left.

Keri Mitchell: [2:05:40] And I had a short fuse. I couldn't, you know, kids are always like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, all the time in your ear. And instead of the person who used to be fine with that, I can't handle it anymore. I can't, I don't have anything left in me for what they are asking me to do or what they need. I didn't want to cook anymore. I didn't want to, I was, I just felt so overwhelmed. I didn't even know where to begin. But, um, dad had had that stroke, and part of his problem was his eating habits. And so, I made sure he had good meals. I kept his sugar down. Um, I was able to get him off some of his medication. And, um, his insulin, he didn't have to take insulin anymore. I kept his sugar down so well that he was just taking a long lasting, it's called. And it's just one shot you get in the morning, and it helps just regulate your sugar levels. So, his sugar wasn't going and spiking up, which then would need the insulin shot. He didn't need that anymore. So, um, I was recording. Now, Kathy did all that too. And when he came to live with me, I just followed right what she did. She just said, this is how I do it. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to follow exactly because what you're doing is working. And, um, so, you know, he was forced to eat right because that's all I put in front of him. I let him go to McDonald's every Saturday, and I would take him to his friend's house every Saturday morning. Without fail, we drove him to her house and would pick him up late Saturday night. And then every Sunday, we'd take him to church for both services. And then Wednesday night, we'd take him to church.

Keith Vance: [2:07:31] Let me interject something. Don't lose your thought. Yeah. But you said, I was short-tempered.

Keith Vance: [2:07:40] I'm learning to be patient with people. Let me just give an example. Um, the other day, a few months ago, I was helping my daughter move to her new apartment and somebody was using my truck. So I was using my wife's truck. Not as heavy as my truck. And the trailer had a lot of weight on it. So when I would go down 75, if I hit a certain speed, the trailer started moving. So, um, there's a car in the middle lane that was going too slow for me. So I went to pass and the trailer started going like this. Okay. So now I'm like, I can't go any fast. I'm bypassing them, but not as fast as I want to. And a guy come flying up behind me and he wants to go around me, but there's me here, this car here. Like he can't get around. Yeah. And I'm feeling the pressure because I'm trying to get over. If I go any faster, I'm like, it's, it's, it's not good. So, um, he's like real close on me and I understand what he's feeling, but he doesn't know what's going on on my side. I finally get over. He takes the time to make sure he gives me the bird the whole time he's driving past me and the turnaround and stick out the back window too. Just to, and then he's not just holding it up. He's shoving it at me. So he just to make sure like, um, I don't think that person is a bad person. Yeah. I think there's something going on in that life. Yeah. In his life where he's, he's losing it somehow. Something is crushing him. And I was, it doesn't feel good getting the finger. Sure. But I'm, I'm, I'm good in my own self. Yeah. Like I don't feel a reason to lash out at him. Yeah. And dude's going through something. He doesn't understand that I can't go any faster. Right. It's not right or wrong. It just is what it is. Yeah. And to give him some grace because you never know what's really going on with somebody. Right. Because even if you ask somebody, they might not even tell you.

Keri Mitchell: [2:09:44] That's right. Right.

Keith Vance: [2:09:45] So just have a little grace, a little, and to be a little intuitive with maybe not what people are saying. Yeah. But body language. Because body language tells a lot. So when you said I was losing my temper. Yeah. You're not an angry person and you're not a bad person. You're a person that's being crushed.

Keri Mitchell: [2:10:05] And that takes me back. One Saturday, we were dropping dad off. I had the two kids in the back and dad was sitting up front with me and I was going to drop him off. But we were stopping at McDonald's first. And McDonald's has this two order spots and then you kind of like go to one lane again. So not knowing that who was for who's next, all that, you know.

Keith Vance: [2:10:32] OK, yeah, no, I get it.

Keri Mitchell: [2:10:34] So I went, but the guy clearly behind me felt it was his turn. So window down, cuss words, finger bad. I got two babies in the back seat. Well, three. Cassie was in her car seat. And they're hearing all this. And they said, Mom, is he talking to you? And I said, yeah, he was next. Obviously. And I took the next one and I shouldn't have. So I got up to the window and I said, I'm buying his breakfast. Whatever he ordered, I'm paying for that, guys. And my kid said, Mom, no, he was so mean to you. You can't do that. And I said, I can't. I'm going to do it. Right. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:11:15] Good for you.

Keri Mitchell: [2:11:16] And he kind of apologized out the window. Wow, that's cool. Yeah. He was like, you know, gave me the thank you for the breakfast. That's cool. But it was, you know.

Keith Vance: [2:11:27] What happens, Carrie, what happens when two people lose perspective and you get a stressed out person? Yeah. And another stressed out person that's pulling a trailer. Correct. You get two stressed out people. Damage. That's a recipe for damage. That's right. And then you got babies and stuff. So I'm just trying to be more careful, more aware. Like I said, there are no, there's nothing by accident. There's these things that happen in life that are ordained as a Christian. And then to make sure, man, I get it right. Yeah. And a lot of the way I see things from my human eyes at the angle I'm looking at it, probably most of the time I don't see it right. Yeah. I can only do the best I can do with what I can see. Right. And I don't think you can go wrong by giving somebody some grace and some love and some compassion. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:12:20] Right. Because my, back to the McDonald's, I never meant to hurt that person. Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't.

Keith Vance: [2:12:28] It's ridiculous.

Keri Mitchell: [2:12:29] And so even in dad's situation, there's times where people get upset with you for the way you handle things and you didn't mean it that way. Right. Or, you know, and it hurts really bad because you're like, I was doing this for the good of everyone, or I thought this was a good decision, or I don't know what else to do. I've never done this before. And I'm just trying to put into perspective, I have kids, I have this, I have all this other, these other things. Sometimes people just think all I have is dad and he's the main thing. And so why can't you do all this for him or whatever? And it's like, if it was just him, it would probably look different, but I'm still raising these kids. And what was happening in our lives was they weren't, they started school and now they have after school things. And now I'm leaving dad more and more by himself trying to, you know, because I need to be with the kids and I need to do things with them. And that was where I was being more and more pulled.

Keith Vance: [2:13:34] We're all, we all have the ability because we're creating the image of God. We all have the ability to make judgments. That's right. But there's only one that judges perfectly. And even that's good. Yeah. We all have the ability to make judgments. The way I see it, you should just do it this way. Okay. But you're not God. Only he judged perfectly. That's right. Oh man, just, this is, thank you for sharing this stuff because it's helping me with my perspective in life. Mm-hmm. Helping me a lot. Yeah. How much longer do you want to stay in this, this pocket here?

Keri Mitchell: [2:14:11] Um, we're like when he leaves my house or pathway that we're on.

Keith Vance: [2:14:15] Yeah. It doesn't sound like it's leading to a good spot. Yeah. Is there a breaking point? Have we talked about the breaking point yet? Mm-mm. Let's do it. What was the breaking point?

Keri Mitchell: [2:14:26] Um, I don't know exactly what it was, but I just know my husband had said he can stay as long as he needs to stay and I said, I can't do another day. I, I just can't. Um, I finished up my thirties with dad living with us and I just, we were really strapped for doing a lot of things. Um, yes, we had the family and yes, they could help out. Um, yeah. But when someone lives with you, you know them really well. And so it really was, I mean, I just knew his, I knew when he would have like a mini stroke. I knew how to handle him. I didn't get stressed out. I knew how to just let him do his thing because strokes, they just, they run their course. And so I just.

Keith Vance: [2:15:21] So I didn't understand this. He's having mini strokes at your house that you're dealing with on top of everything else. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, he would have. So you're not just feeding him and other stuff. There's medical issues that you're going through that you're navigating through.

Keri Mitchell: [2:15:34] Yeah. So he would have, he would get sweats. He would get dizzy. The room would spin. His head would tilt. And he would have to be in the bathroom and bucket on his lap. And after an episode, he would go back to a wheelchair and he could not walk. And he struggled with the bathroom. So I would have to lift him up into the wheelchair and then take him to his chair and put him in his chair. And he would fall from time to time, but I could get him up. He's, he was 195 pounds when he left my house. And with his left side and some of my knowledge of working in PT, I knew how to get him up. And he always fell when it was only me home and we just made it work. I always could get him up. And it was always like, let's just take a minute, you know, just sit up a second and then we'll get through this. And we'd find something stable that he could hold on to. And then one, two, three, and we'd be up. And he's still a very strong man. So with what he had left and what I had, we made a good team to get him up off the floor. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:16:47] So not just the physical work that's taxing, but also the emotional that this is your dad. You're watching your dad have many strokes. Like just that is, can be taxing.

Keri Mitchell: [2:16:57] Sure. Yeah. Because it would set him back quite a bit for maybe five days to a week. Sometimes it didn't at all.

Keith Vance: [2:17:05] So every setback is more work for you. It was like another restart. It was. Okay, here we go again. It was. It's a constant restart. So I can understand why you're saying one day at a time. You're like, what difference does it make one day at a time? He has an episode. I'm back to be square one again.

Keri Mitchell: [2:17:19] That's right. And it was working on his attitude again, because think about that. I mean, you take five steps forward and three steps back, you know, and it's like all that work.

Crosstalk: [2:17:30] Um, so just, that was, that was hard, really hard. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:17:39] But, um, it was once Cassidy started kindergarten. So when she turned five, I started attending the gym down the street from me, which was within walking distance. My neighbor had kept pushing me. You should come. You should come. And I said, you know what? I need, I need to make sure Cassidy, I don't want to take her there. There was no daycare. Right. So she would be sitting, you know, on the bench and kids interact with you when you're trying to focus and stuff. So I said, right now I'm going to focus on the kids and dad and that, and then I'll get to that. Eventually I was using the elliptical. I was running outside. I was doing things at the home. I'm pretty independent. Like I actually didn't think I needed a gym. Um, cause I was self-motivated. And so it just worked for me to work out in my own time and what worked best for me. But, um, when she went to school and I walked into that gym and I had never done any of that kind of workout before. And I had never picked up a kettlebell. Um, I had never done a burpee, none of that. And, um, it was, you know, I picked up on it and the people in there were, there's no judgment.

Keith Vance: [2:18:57] It's just, don't tell me you're going to planet fitness. No, don't tell me that. No. Planet fitness is the judgment free zone. Oh, sorry. I used my view. Planet fitness isn't even a gym. So if you go to planets fitness, you can be offended. What I said, because I want you to be offended. No, because, oh man, no, not planet. Don't do it. Come on guys. This is a circuit.

Keri Mitchell: [2:19:23] This is good. Let's get after it. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:19:25] This is good cupcakes after you leave the gym because you deserved it. Come on now. No, you know, we don't edit this stuff. So I probably just made a lot of enemies just now. Man, what a way, what a way, what a way not to build your brand. No. Um, I want to, here's what I want to do. Okay. I'm going to take another bathroom break. I'm sorry. I am 50.

Keri Mitchell: [2:19:47] Okay. I'm sorry. No problem.

Keith Vance: [2:19:49] I want to wrap up the little bit of story left with your dad and that transition where you left your house to the, to the homelands right now is button that up. Yeah. And then the next, The thing I want to talk about is two things. And you already hit one, your fitness. You needed an outlet. Sounds like we're talking about your fitness was your outlet. I want to talk about that. Okay. And then I want to talk about where did your faith come into play? Because as you're talking about your dad and all this stuff, I'm thinking to myself, what's your Bible reading like? Where's God in all this? Are you being ministered to all at all by God? Or are you just in the dark? Those last two things I want to hit hard. Yeah. And I don't want to rush it. Yeah. So let me hit the bathroom. Okay. Michael, this Planet Fitness thing. Remember I told you don't edit anything? I'm just digging myself in a deeper hole. But you know what? It's all right. I'm comfortable with who I am.

Keri Mitchell: [2:20:40] This podcast brought to you by Planet Fitness. Planet Fitness.

Keith Vance: [2:20:43] Yeah. Judgment-free zone. Monk alarm. All right. Let me hit that bathroom. This part of the podcast is brought to you by Vance Ranch. Vance Ranch is our family 100-acre ranch in Henry County. We have a 6,000-square-foot barn where we host wedding venues, corporate events, anniversary parties, and whatever else you want to use it for. Find the link in the bio. Now let's get back to the show.

Keith Vance: [2:21:37] All right. So let's just speak to that a little bit. Yeah. I want to hear about your fitness.

Keri Mitchell: [2:21:44] I would have said prior to, like when Dad had the stroke, my words were he will never go in a home. I would never put my dad in a home. I just couldn't see that being the route. But God allowed that for whatever reason. We ran out of options, and that was the next option. And we've met some amazing people there, like other residents. And my kids have so many good people in there that they love and look forward to seeing besides my dad. And I can say my siblings feel the same way. Good. I can tell you names of people in there that we all go to see and hug and check on because they're special too. And one thing that Dad wouldn't do at my house is like I wanted to take him to a senior center. And he's like, no, I don't want to do bingo. I don't want to do euchre. I don't want to do all that stuff. And when he moved, he looks forward to euchre and bingo. He can't miss euchre and bingo. So he gained a social life with people kind of in the same boat as him for the first time. And there is a lot going on there. You know, there's always activity. And so his health has declined, but his mental health, like he does have stuff going on. And he is, you know, meeting people and that side of it too.

Keith Vance: [2:23:12] Michael said pull that mic closer. Michael, is that good enough? All right. Yeah. I know, listen, these homes, thank God for them. Right. I'm sure like anything else, there's good ones and bad ones. Just like schools, just like anything else. That's right. You need to vet them. You need to make sure it's the right fit for your loved one. Yeah. Thank God for them. Just like hospitals. I mean, I'm glad there's these institutions in place to take care of people. I think in our culture, you know, other cultures, people take care of their elderly in home. And that's, we have these facilities as a part of our culture. And I'm thinking that they're there because it gave you a break. Yeah. Not that you don't love your dad. You still go see him and just create this and he's being taken care of. Right. Just because he's in a place, you need to still do your job and make sure your dad's getting the right care. Yeah. Right. So there's that. But the other thing as you're talking is I know that these facilities, elderly care facilities aren't cheap. Correct. I know they're not cheap. That's right. So for me, watching my, my grandfather had Alzheimer's.

Keri Mitchell: [2:24:33] Yeah. I remember.

Keith Vance: [2:24:35] My dad and my sister took turns taking care of them. I saw my, like what you're describing, I saw my parents age exponentially when they're taking care of my grandfather. When that sundowners comes on, you know, the sun, the sun goes down and he forgets where he's at and he's trying to escape. He's trying to, they had to screw the windows closed because he's trying to open. in the window and cut the screen out and escaped to go home. We had a guy here locally. We just, it's here in Florida. We had to freeze. We got some farmers covering crops. Alzheimer, a guy with Alzheimer's got out of his home somehow. His caregivers got out of his home. It's 30-something degrees, and they found him down by, in the woods, down by some river. So with dementia, Alzheimer's, we're living longer. There's need for these care facilities, but they're expensive, right? So for me, I'm in a financial position right now where I can kind of lock that down. So I watched how my parents tried to take care of their dad and ended up putting him in a home and how he had a pension through the military that covered some of it, but it was also an expense to them. So I would say, hey, as we share these stories, if you're listening to this, and there's a hole that's not filled and you're able to fill that hole, think about your parents so that you can give them the best care possible and that finances aren't the strain. You want to be able to give them all the emotional, physical, all the support, the financial is a whole other level of responsibility. When that's just locked in and taken care of. So there are life insurance policies that cover care. Like my kids won't have to worry about my wife and I. It's taken care of. Not everybody has that option. And again, leave enough room for God to be God. That's right. Right? But also be prudent and discerning. And don't be blowing your money on things that don't matter if you can take care of the future a little bit to make life easier on others. So just these things as we navigate. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm glad Uncle Corky's in a good spot. Yeah. And I'm glad I hear there's reports that he's, you know.

Keri Mitchell: [2:27:07] He's still there. He knows who everyone is and he's got names down and all that. So that's good. Yeah. Before I moved him there, I had a caregiver coming to the home to help me with him a few days a week. And that was another, that was one option that I tried before. But it's hard to allow someone into your home. And I did get very close with her and we did have some connections. Her granddaughter was going to the same school as my children. She was a Christian and we became good friends. So even that route was a blessing and I really appreciate her. But when she decided to leave the caregiving and pursue another career choice, I felt like God was closing that door. And, you know, I gave it one more option, like one more caregiver coming into my home. And it wasn't, I couldn't find, there was two or three before her didn't work out. And when she walked in my door, I said, you're going to raise your right hand and say, I solemnly swear to stay more than three days because everybody would just like come a couple days and then they didn't show up anymore. I'm like, what did we, what are we doing wrong here? And she stuck around and she was amazing. And I appreciated her. And then when she left, I tried one more and another fail. And I said, you know what, it's time to pursue. And then they have a company out there where you call and it's called A Place for Moms. And you call that number and then there is a person that will help you. You tell them your story and they will find the place for you. And they'll say, okay, here's 12 places. Oh, good. And then those places call you and you can go visit. You can, and that's how we found the place he's at. Good. Yeah. So, yep.

Keith Vance: [2:29:01] You started talking about some fitness stuff. Mm-hmm. So you're wearing a tank top over here. I wish I would. What? You're pretty fit there, girl. I don't like people showing me up. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't like people showing me up on my own show. I wish this shirt was like a little tighter. Just so, hey, you can see I got some stuff too. But you talked about your fitness. Yeah. And it sounded like it was a release for you during a stressful time. It was. So we talked about some heavy, hard stuff. Yeah. We talked about some painful stuff. So let's talk about something. Positive. Something positive. Some light. Some light. Let's get it. Let's get it. You and I live in this world. Yeah. I think this is how you and I connected a lot. It was. It was. It was. So let's hear it. Let's go.

Keri Mitchell: [2:29:53] I, back when I was, well, I got, we got married in 2009. And probably about 2000. 2000. 2000. 2000. 2000. Thank you. mates, a friend of mine said, Hey, you like to run? You want to do a marathon? Well, I mean, I jogged with the dog. I mean, it wasn't anything too crazy and I had never done a race of any kind. And I was like, I didn't even know what a marathon was, what it meant. And I was like, sure, we'll sign up. I'll sign up. So I signed up and then I, it's Chicago. So I did the Chicago and I put the beginner's guide. I printed it off and I checked off every day and I just followed it to a T. Um, in the meantime, we got engaged. So then I was like, okay, we're going to have a wedding. We got married and like, we got back from the honeymoon and then it was the race. I had to leave for Chicago. Um, so I tried running in Hawaii, but it was just a lot different there. And, uh, so I didn't do great running, but I finished in under five hours, um, which was 26.2, 26.2 miles in five hours.

Keith Vance: [2:31:00] Michael do the math for me. I want to know what that pace per mile is. 26.2 miles in five hours.

Keri Mitchell: [2:31:06] Yeah. It was just, just under five. Um, so that was kind of my first thing that I did that pushed me that I had never done before.

Keith Vance: [2:31:17] And you never prepped, you didn't prep for it.

Keri Mitchell: [2:31:19] No, all I did was the, the basic guide. It said beginners. Got you.

Keith Vance: [2:31:23] You did. There's a guy. So I, I was increasing my miles. Got it. Understood. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:31:27] So I was doing that. Um, so that was kind of my first one. And then I didn't want to do that again, but I did do a, a half, a half one. Um, there's a, the crim and then the Brooksy. I ran those two after. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:31:44] We're going to find out what your pace per mile was. You say it was five hours. Yeah. So it's just, just about 11 minutes. Okay. 11 mile. Yeah. That's pretty good for 26.2. That's really good. That's really good.

Keri Mitchell: [2:31:56] And my husband was, you were moving, I guess it's pretty flat, but I'll tell you at the end of that race, there's just a, I mean, this is like a hump, like it even came, came called a hill and I tell you, it looked like Mount Everest and I'm just like, Oh my word, I got to go up that hill. And if I drove there right now, I'd probably laugh because it's like a speed bump. It was nothing. But, um, my husband said, I look pretty rough coming into the end.

Keith Vance: [2:32:24] And even that, listen, even that, even a bump in the road when you're diminished, when you're wore out a little bump is, it's all about mindset. And here we talked about all this stuff you went through your dad and you're being diminished. Like any little bump is like, Oh man, another mountain, but it's all comes back to, if you're feeling good and you get, and you get your perspective, right? You'll go back to it. Oh, that was just a little bump. But when you diminish, when life is heavy on you, I can't even, like, I can't even do this. So the fitness thing translate to me, the fitness thing translates over to real life. And I make those connections in real life. I think it makes me a better person, makes me more well, well-rounded and helps my perspective. So keep going. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:33:05] So I did a marathon. I did a half marathon and a 10 mile. Um, and then I did five Ks from there and I never went, I never had any desire to do any more than that. Um, so I've been running ever, I had been running ever since then. And then just in the last few years, the body started hurting, like the hips hurt. Like I just was not doing well. And I kept pushing to hopefully like get over that hump and running. Maybe it's like, okay, maybe it's that first mile and then I'll be good. And, um, I went to physical therapy. I went to the chiropractor. Then it just hit me. Why don't I just stop running? Like just stop running. And that's about the time that my life had gotten to the point where Cassidy was in kindergarten. I had just dad at home. I had some time going to go try out this gym. Um, so then I went to the gym and now it's got, we're doing cardio, we're doing weights, we're, we're mixing it up.

Keith Vance: [2:34:08] We got CrossFit style muscle confusion. Yeah. Yeah. CrossFit style stuff. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:34:13] Absolutely.

Keith Vance: [2:34:14] Um, we're hit moms. Yeah. Hit stuff. Correct.

Keri Mitchell: [2:34:18] Uh, so it, again, I had never done that before, but I was like, this is good. And it was 30 minutes. Like I can do this for 30 minutes.

Keith Vance: [2:34:29] And you need it. You need it. You didn't have a lot of time on your hands because you're taking your dad and the baby. So 30 minutes just down the road, jumping in there and getting my heart rate up. So I can, I can, I can feel this. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:34:39] It was perfect timing.

Keith Vance: [2:34:41] And 30 minutes to yourself. Yeah. Sometimes it's all it takes.

Keri Mitchell: [2:34:45] It was great.

Keith Vance: [2:34:46] Sometimes it's all it takes just to stay in one more day. Yeah. That's good. Keep going.

Keri Mitchell: [2:34:49] So, um, that's pretty much it. Like I just worked out there. Um, um, I told him that I had, so my degree is an exercise science. I took that and worked in physical therapy as a technician or an aid for seven years. And then, but I always liked the fitness side of things. So sometimes I'll help out at the gym.

Keith Vance: [2:35:15] So a couple things. You sent me a message through Facebook a while ago. Okay. Of you carrying some dumbbells. You did some farmer carries with some dumbbells. 200 pounds. 200 pounds. All right, bros. You guys, you can't see those traps underneath their hair. But 200 freaking pound farmer carry. Listen, women are built for carrying babies. All right. That's what it is. God gave you that. Yeah. That strength to carry babies. 200 pounds. That's awesome.

Keri Mitchell: [2:35:42] Yeah. For, so. So explain to me this. For one minute. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:35:46] 200 pounds for a minute.

Keri Mitchell: [2:35:47] Yeah. Carrying it for a minute.

Keith Vance: [2:35:49] When you, when you went to do that, what was your mindset like? Did it look too heavy? Like walk me through this.

Keri Mitchell: [2:35:56] Yeah. So he had a stack of dumbbells. The last ones were 85s. And I looked at them a hundred times and I was like, can I pick them up? Like they're huge. So I picked them up and I walked across the room with them and I kind of threw them down cause I thought I was going to break my toe. And I was like, that wasn't too bad. What else you got? And then, uh, he's like, I got these straps and they, you put the plates on them and then you hold the handles and you got plates. So I'm like, okay, let me try a hundred. And I just kept going and going and going. And then I got to like 200 and it was just physically falling out of my hand. And I said, what do you got to strap to me? Can you Velcro this to my wrist? And he's like, yeah, we could strap it on. And I'm like, do that. And then I stopped at 200 and I held it for the full minute because if you've heard grip strength is very important in aging process. Very important. Like if you want to open a jar, a pickle jar at 90, be independent at 90 years old. Yeah. Have your grip strength.

Keith Vance: [2:37:13] Flexibility is important. Yep. Squatting is important. Lateral move is important. Grip strength is. Grip strength is tied to longevity. If you can retain that grip strength as long as possible, the odds are you're better off. Yeah. That, um, and maybe, maybe this doesn't, maybe you don't have this mindset.

Crosstalk: [2:37:36] I know you got five girls and a wife. Mm-hmm.

Keith Vance: [2:37:43] Um, I feel like men are more, maybe more structured. Secure and trying new things than women. I feel like, I feel like women carry more self-doubt than men. Mm-hmm. I don't know where that comes from. Do you, do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Can you identify? Yeah. So, you're going to a gym. This is new for you. Mm-hmm. You're looking at this weight. I want to talk to, from a woman's perspective, it's Still Strong. And I want to speak to another demographic that I, I can't speak to. I know women, they look at other women and say, man, she's pretty. Mm-hmm. And I'm looking at her and you, I'm thinking, I think you're just as prettier, prettier. I think there's, there's, there's this, this mechanism where the way women see other women or other things that they diminish themselves or see or elevate others. Can you speak to that at all? Because I think there's something here. Yeah. And in regard to so much so that's paralyzing that I think some women struggle with even putting themselves out there because what if I fail? Mm-hmm. Well, what if you fail? So what? Like in my mind, so what? So what if I can't do it? I don't, I'm confident in who I am. Sure. Yeah. There's something different in a woman.

Keri Mitchell: [2:38:55] Mm-hmm. Um, I don't know how I feel about all of that, but, um, like when people compare themselves to me in the gym, because I am a little, um, over the top when I work out, um, and they comment on that, I just say, do you and don't worry about me. Like I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to outdo myself.

Keith Vance: [2:39:24] So what I know my goals. So what I spoke to is true. It's just, you're the pretty girl in the room that everybody's comparing themselves to. You're the strong one in the room that everybody's comparing themselves to. So what I just said is true. Oh boy. So you're telling them, Hey, just do you. Yeah. Don't worry about me. Yeah. Okay.

Keri Mitchell: [2:39:41] I don't know if, I mean, I've never, no one's ever said that, but I mean, it could be the case, but I'm, and I don't even know if it's, well, okay. So we're doing ropes. What do you call the battle ropes, battle ropes? So.

Keith Vance: [2:39:59] you, you, you, there You don't even know what this stuff is called and you're crushing it. And that's why I love it. What are those rope things called? Those things that go like this and everybody else trying to keep up with me. Everybody else mad at me, comparing themselves to me. And I'm saying, hey, just do you. So, all right, let's go.

Keri Mitchell: [2:40:12] So, we were instructed on what we're doing. So, we stand there and we listen to the instructor and they tell us when you get to the station, that's what you do. So, she says, when you get to the ropes, why don't you try taking two handles in this hand and two handles in this? And doing big circles, get the shoulders going. Well, I guess I was the only one that heard that because when I got to the ropes, I did exactly that. I grabbed two here and two here and I did it and they're like, show off. I said, did you not listen to her? She said, push yourself. I'm just pushing myself. So, I just, I'm just pushing myself. Like, when I get in there, I know what I'm capable of and I try to go a little bit more than that. A little more than that. And I do have some issues with my shoulder and I know that. And so, there are some things that I'll grab five pounds, but I can't go heavier or I'll be hurting all night long and I won't be able to sleep.

Keith Vance: [2:41:16] So, you had the mindset that I have. It's you versus you. It is. It's you versus you yesterday. Correct. There's no one else in the room. No. I'm not thinking about anyone else. I'm not comparing against anybody else. It's just you versus you. So, maybe that's the thing to unlock, whatever it is in some women. Yeah. Like, it's you versus you. Don't worry about anybody else.

Keri Mitchell: [2:41:37] That's right. And I guess you're...

Keith Vance: [2:41:38] They're not thinking about you. Why are you thinking about them? Right. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:41:41] Yeah. So, maybe you're correct on that because I'm not, I don't compare myself to anyone in there. Good for you. I just push what I, I just do it for me. And I see everything we do in there, I can use at home, in life. Like, there's just, I just always, after what my dad has been through, I want to be independent, you know, to some extent. Where I don't have someone who has to help me through life. So, I want to be as independent as possible, physically, as long as I can. So, yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:42:19] I know another thing you did. I saw a video. Did you climb a freaking rope? Yeah. 15, 16 feet up there? Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:42:29] Like, you either do it or you don't. Yeah. It's not something you can really practice. I guess you can practice doing pull-ups or whatever. Sure. But anyway, when you first did the rope, what was your mindset? Was it like, it sounds like everything is like you. Like, oh, okay, well, let me just try it. That's right. It sounds like that's your... That's right. What goes on in your mind. Yeah.

Keri Mitchell: [2:42:45] So, the owner of the gym, Josh, I had been... I wanted a rope in the gym. And so, one day he's like, guess what? We got a rope. I'm like, sweet. I'm going home and I'm going to get the tallest ladder I have. And we're going to put it up. So, I went and got my ladder and we put the rope up. I don't know what it is, but it's small, it's skinny, and it's waxy. It's brand new and it's, you know, it's slick.

Keith Vance: [2:43:16] It's not the right kind of rope to be using. You just, you told me what the rope is. It's the rope they use in these Spartan races. That's right. It's supposed to make it extra hard. It's not the one that I have that's made out of like a burlap type of material. Yeah. And it's gritty and it's like bigger around. Yeah. You got the hard one.

Keri Mitchell: [2:43:30] We got, we started with the hard one. So, he taught me how to loop it around your feet to use your legs to push up, grab, re, you know, fix your feet and then go again. So, I couldn't really do it the first couple of times and I just kept working on it and working on it. And then finally it just, everything connected and I went right up it and I did a workout and then I like, okay, I did it before a workout and then I did a workout for 30 minutes and then I'm like, now I'm going to climb it. So, then I climbed it worn out and that was fine. The last time I climbed it though, I lost my feet and I slid, like I just burned down with my hands, which was pretty rough.

Keith Vance: [2:44:21] Let go. But then I let go eventually.

Keri Mitchell: [2:44:24] Yeah. Let go, girl.

Keith Vance: [2:44:25] Sometimes you just got to let go.

Keri Mitchell: [2:44:26] Yeah. Yeah. So, relationships.

Keith Vance: [2:44:30] Sometimes relationships can be like a rope that just burns your hands. Sometimes you got to learn that. Yeah. Lego.

Keri Mitchell: [2:44:35] That's right. That's right. So, yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:44:37] I can feel it right now.

Keri Mitchell: [2:44:38] Yeah. But, so those are some things and the kettlebells, like that's really fun. Never did that before. I enjoy the kettlebells quite a bit.

Keith Vance: [2:44:48] Kettlebells are kind of like burpees to me. Yeah. They'll get your heart going. Yeah. They'll get your heart going. It'll, it'll make you second guess all your life choices. Sure. So things like that. that are good for you. That's right. It's good for you. Yeah. Good cardio. Yeah, it's good to still. Good overall strength, good stuff.

Keri Mitchell: [2:45:06] Yeah, push yourself. Yeah, I think that's about it with the fitness. It's always trying new stuff, always pushing yourself.

Keith Vance: [2:45:17] Love it. So it feels good to work out. It feels good to be strong. It feels good to see some of the fruits of your labor. It just feels good. Self-confidence, all that good stuff. But for you and me, it's not about that. It's about being everything I'm supposed to be as a mother, a wife. For you, obviously, I'm not a mother. But for me, a husband, a father, a caretaker, it translates over to that. And that's what it's all about. No one has ever said, after working out, man, I wish I hadn't done that. Correct. Every time I haven't felt like doing it. And sometimes you just, not every day you're 100%. Yeah. Some days you're 70%. Mm-hmm. But do your 70%. Yeah. Be consistent. Yeah. You don't have to go hard all the time. Right. Just move. Right. Let's tie this together. And how did your fitness help you with your caretaking for your dad? Did it help with, did it just feel good just to clear your head?

Keri Mitchell: [2:46:24] Mental release, for sure. It was, it was just time for me for a little bit where you just push, knock it out and forget about what's waiting for you at home or whatever, you know, the responsibilities, the heavy responsibilities. It was really a release. And I will say my youngest is so much like me. Like she has the same body. It's so funny. Like she's built like me and she'll go to the gym and she'll do all the circuits with me. Wow. And she does the ropes and, and all of it. So you started, you started an example for her. That's right.

Keith Vance: [2:47:04] That she's going to need in life because she's going to have her own challenges.

Keri Mitchell: [2:47:07] That's right. That's good. But the older ones see it too. And, um, you know.

Crosstalk: [2:47:14] Um, Carrie, I don't, I don't think I've ever told anybody this. I don't think I've ever told anybody this.

Keith Vance: [2:47:25] But, um, I've had, um, you can't go through life. Nobody goes through life without experiencing some weight, some heaviness. We all do. Some, you know, just life just pulls you down. I've had my share. Um, a lot of things I take to God and through prayer, you know, through his word. But, um, when it comes to fitness, when you got a bunch of weight on a freaking barbell, and you correlate that to this weight that I'm feeling emotionally and like all this responsibility, and you just grab that freaking thing with everything you got. Yeah. And you're giving it everything you got. There's been this release, kind of like a pressure cooker. Sure. Yep. That that release diminishes, that emotional and all that hardship. Something about the two has been therapeutic for me and kept me, kept me in a good spot. You know how many times I've been over there working out by myself, just bawling like a baby, because it's just, I'm just getting all this stuff out, all this emotion out that I really didn't know was crammed, packed in there so tight. Mm-hmm. And just something about grabbing a heavy barbell and just giving everything I got releases something else inside me. So that's why I want to correlate to your hardship that you went through in the fitness. Anyone that's going through a hard time, Mm-hmm. Take 30 minutes. Yeah. Go for a walk. Redirect. Go for a walk. Catch your breath. That's right. Just get something. Get your sanity back. You know, think on things that are positive of a good report, things that are good. And your situation might not change. Yeah. But at least you get a breath. Mm-hmm. At least you get a breath. Everybody needs a breath.

Keri Mitchell: [2:49:19] That's right. That's right. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:49:21] Man is created to work. God made us to work. And there's something therapeutic about exerting the body.

Crosstalk: [2:49:29] Yeah. Exerting the body. That's right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I went to visit you.

Keith Vance: [2:49:38] I went up there. I don't know when. Took my family up there. Showed my kids around. Yeah. And you're trying to get me to work out. I said, hey, girl, I'm only here for three days.

Keri Mitchell: [2:49:46] Yeah. That's right.

Keith Vance: [2:49:47] I got to spend time with my kids. Sorry. Yep. But I can't work out with you. That's right. But I did fly up the next month.

Keri Mitchell: [2:49:54] That's right.

Keith Vance: [2:49:54] I did come see you.

Keri Mitchell: [2:49:55] I'm glad you did.

Keith Vance: [2:49:56] Flew all the way up there.

Keri Mitchell: [2:49:58] And then the gym was closed. I don't know.

Keith Vance: [2:50:00] And your freaking gym was closed.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:01] That's right. Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:50:03] So I went to the local store. I bought some kettlebells and some dumbbells. I said, hey, let's just do like a Murph workout. Let's just do like a, we didn't even have a pull-up bar. Let's just do a Murph style workout.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:15] Push-ups, sit-ups, run.

Keith Vance: [2:50:16] We did some push-ups, sit-ups, and we ran.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:18] Yeah.

Keith Vance: [2:50:18] It was a good time.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:19] A couple of racks for keeping count.

Keith Vance: [2:50:21] Keeping count of our rounds. It was a good time. It was good. I think on the run, I think you were slowing me down. I think I could have ran faster.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:32] Probably. My cardio isn't what it used to be.

Keith Vance: [2:50:34] I was trying to stay with you, trying to make you feel not too bad. But I was trying to keep pace with you. Like, man, this young girl here, you know, I can't be showing her up too bad.

Keri Mitchell: [2:50:42] Well, my legs are a lot shorter, too.

Keith Vance: [2:50:44] Actually, I think it was the other way around. I think you were sandbagging it for me. But even that, even like a communal thing as far as fitness. Fitness, you can do it. Sometimes it's good for me to do it alone. I learn a lot about myself doing alone, me versus me. But it also can be a communal thing. Yeah. Hey, let's get together and do something. I just, I really enjoy fitness. Yeah, that's good. It's a bond that you and I have. It is. Yeah, something we can connect on and speak the same language that maybe other people can't speak to. Sure. Yeah. It's been a good relationship builder for you and me. Yeah. Yeah. Are you ready to make another transition yet or you want to talk about some more fitness stuff? You want me, we already talked about your farmer's carries that you can climb a rope. Is there any other awesome stuff that you can do that you want me to tell everybody? Uh-uh. You want to tell me what your bench press is, what your squat is?

Keri Mitchell: [2:51:38] No, we skip it.

Keith Vance: [2:51:39] You just keep it on the down low. Right, right. All right. Faith. Faith. Yeah. We've talked about some heavy stuff. Yeah. I know you're a Christian. Yep. I know your parents raised you in all the ways of God's word and accepting Christ as your personal savior in that. Um, we talked about a lot of transitions in life and trying to navigate through those transitions and what's right and what's wrong. Mm-hmm. The only sure thing that we have in life is the word of God. Mm-hmm. That's the only thing we have. Mm-hmm. That's the only thing at the end of the day that is a solid foundation that we can cling to in a dark place and in uncertainty. We just, by faith, cling to it. And can you speak to that at all? Your faith. Yeah. Whatever that looks like for you. I don't want to put words in your mouth. Yeah. But your faith, God's word, all that stuff. Yep. Through the ups and downs. Sure. What you got.

Keri Mitchell: [2:52:39] He always has a way of when you open your, open the Bible, it speaks to you. That happened a lot where I would be reading and it just was what I needed that day. Like, I can't give you a specific right now, but it always was applicable at that time. And there were times where I was getting into my own head and then it would just kind of set me focused back and say, okay, no, you need to think this through again. And then trying to say, okay, Lord, you did this for a reason and I need to make the best of it. And I need to see the positive. Thank you that I was able to take my dad. Thank you that I get more time with him. Thank you that my children get time with their grandpa. Thank you that I'm able to be here for him and help him. And, uh, again, seeing how God used my siblings and the way that they were able to help where I couldn't. And I felt like the five of us made a team for mom and then for dad in ways that I'm not comfortable with this, but you are in this and that. And then again, some things I wasn't comfortable with, I learned to be comfortable with or to figure out. And it stretched us and taught us in that way. Um, it wasn't easy, but nothing, I think the hardest stuff makes us stronger. So, um, I'm thankful for that. And, you know, just, we stayed faithful in the church and, um, Can I ask you a question?

Keith Vance: [2:54:24] You just said you stayed faithful in the church. That's right. When life gets hard. Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes there's another thing that comes into play, which would be a demonic or satanic assault where the devil sees opportunities. Like, oh, they're under fire here. Let me get in there. Yeah. And, and to cast some doubt and things in our head. Sure. You said you stayed faithful to the church. Right. And if there wasn't, there wasn't. I don't. Yeah. Was there a time that you thought about quitting?

Keri Mitchell: [2:54:55] No, no, not at all. Um, because what I'm saying.

Keith Vance: [2:55:00] Well, do you think about quitting?

Keri Mitchell: [2:55:01] Yeah, well, because what I'm saying is I could have said, I'm going to stay home and take care of dad, or I need to not do these jobs in the ministry because I have my dad. You know what I'm like? I could have stepped away for the sake of dad, and that wouldn't maybe have looked bad, but church was important to dad. Dad was a deacon there, and he wanted to be there too, and I wanted to make sure he got there if that's what he wanted because he looked forward to seeing those people, and they looked forward to seeing him, and even though it was hard to get him there, I think it was good for him to be there, and so we just kept doing, and if I had to be in Sunday school doing the class or in the nursery, somebody could sit with him in the service and keep an eye on him, and I would just let someone else take him for that time, and then I would go do the nursery or help Tom with the Sunday school class. So we never had to. There might have been some things I had to say no to, but to me that's giving someone else an opportunity to step up when I can't do it. We don't have to do everything. Right. So we can say no, and like I say, a no to me from me might be a yes to someone that wouldn't have done it because I'm trying to do everything, and then the next thing you know I'm burnt out again. Understood. So, yeah, I mean, we were able to continue to be involved in all that through that, so it was good.

Keith Vance: [2:56:39] We're going to wrap this up, but a verse comes to mind. God's grace is sufficient in all things. I think your testimony is a testimony of his grace being sufficient. It is more than enough. God's word said he doesn't put on his children more than they can bear, although a lot of times it feels like it is, but he doesn't just dump it on you and say figure it out. Right. He supports with us, man, and you can feel his presence in those times that he's with us, and that strengthens that bond to him. Like he loves me. Yeah. You don't learn those things when life is easy. You learn them when all my days are running together.

Keri Mitchell: [2:57:23] Yeah, and I feel like when we feel like it's more than we can bear, it's because we're trying to do it without him. Good point. And we're carrying it, and he's up there saying, I can do this. Why are you trying to hold all this stuff? Just hand it to me. It's like a father and a son. You know, dad's strong. Dad, you know, if you're carrying 10 bags into the house, dad's like, just hand them to me. I'm strong. I got this. And so I think that's when we do feel overwhelmed and we say, God's given me more than I can handle. Well, maybe we're just handling the situation wrong, and we need to give it to God and redirect our thought process.

Keith Vance: [2:58:08] You know. Carrie, thank you for flying 1,200 miles to here to be with me. Thank you for investing my life. I love you not only as a cousin, but I love you as a friend. Yeah. I'm thankful for our relationship. I'm going to let you close this thing out. Okay. However way you want. Okay. What would you speak to someone else?

Keri Mitchell: [2:58:33] It's okay to feel guilty if you handle things differently than, like if people are telling you things about how you're navigating through a new experience. Keep going to God. Keep going to the word and your personal family. And don't try to not listen to the noise, the outside noise, because it's a distraction and it's not healthy. But when you asked me to do this, I didn't think I had anything worth talking about or a story that really mattered. You proved yourself wrong.

Keith Vance: [2:59:16] But, yeah. Because this has been good.

Keri Mitchell: [2:59:19] It's caregiving is hard, but it can be rewarding. And God will reward those who give of their time for others. And I'm thankful. I wish I could have done it till the end for dad, but I couldn't. And I'm still thankful for the days he gave me. And I hope that if anyone out there finds themselves in the same situation, that they reach out, find you, find me. And I'd love to encourage them. If nothing else, just encourage and let them know it's okay. It doesn't have to look like a certain way. It's good. Yeah, it can. But anyways, thank you for sending me here. We've got things to do today. Yeah, I've got to work out.

Keith Vance: [3:00:08] You've got to work out my barn. We're going to go out to the ranch and show you my cows. And we've got some things to do. We can't be sitting here talking all day. Get out of here.

Intro voiceover: [3:00:16] Still Strong. Watch me rise my way. Slow growth turns into real change. I found joy in the simple days. In honest work and faith.