Automatic episode summary
In episode 29 of Still Strong, host Keith Vance welcomes Sumer Morenz for the caregiver's side of a story listeners heard the week before from her husband, Mike, whose cancer diagnosis frames both episodes. Where Mike's conversation traced the road of the patient, Sumer's traces the road of the one standing beside the bed — carrying the fear, the logistics, the insurance fights and the family's grief while being expected to stay strong for everyone else in the room.
Sumer describes herself now as someone whose calling is helping people find their shine in the middle of turmoil. That language is not decorative; it is the hinge of the whole conversation. She explains that she once would have answered a question about her identity with roles — wife, mother, health coach — and that three years of walking through cancer stripped those answers down to something more honest. She no longer apologizes for her tears, and she names vulnerability, rather than a brave face, as the place her strength actually comes from.
The narrative begins with a diagnosis that arrived out of left field, and with a lesson she returns to repeatedly: be your own advocate. She recalls the internal check she felt before a biopsy, the doctor who told the family he would stop treating them if they refused surgery, and her regret at not asking harder questions sooner. She connects that reluctance to a childhood in which she was told to be quiet — too bold, too loud, too much — and reframes the same instincts she was taught to suppress as the voice of God flagging danger.
She then recounts the storms as they compounded. Months before any of it, her mother called with a vivid dream of four tornadoes, three small and one large. The first was Mike's cancer, confirmed for Sumer the moment she watched a doctor swallow hard at a scan. The second came when God woke her three nights running with the same instruction to check on her youngest son, True; on the third night he broke and told them he had been cutting and was suicidal. She describes locking up the knives and the guns, calling a family meeting so True could tell his brother Judah himself, and watching Judah's anguished cry become the moment something lifted off her son. The third tornado was her father's Parkinson's diagnosis. The fourth landed on Mother's Day weekend, when scans showed Mike's cancer had spread throughout his body.
That fourth storm is where Sumer says she nearly lost herself — drinking too much wine, sliding back toward a depression she had not felt in a decade — until Mike looked at her and said she was doing anything but shining. She traces her recovery to a gratitude practice a coach had challenged her into ten years earlier, three things written by hand each morning before prayer, and to a small circle of women who listen without coddling and then tell her to get up.
The conversation widens from there. Sumer tells the story of a childhood slumber party that taught her to wear a mask, and how she eventually removed her makeup on a Facebook Live and told that story out loud. She describes the insurance fight — $250,000 paid out of pocket, hospitals turning them away — and the live video that mobilized her followers to write letters until treatment was approved in the United States. Keith brings his own experience as a father of seven into the room, and the two land together on a mother's intuition, the danger of accepting the answer you wanted to hear, and why fathers who apologize give their children a truer picture of God.
Sumer closes with a claim she says she would once have called nonsense: cancer has been a gift. Not because the suffering was good, but because it revealed what she had spent a lifetime hiding, and because the enemy's first move — isolation — did not win.
Speakers
- Intro voiceover other
- Keith Vance host
- Sumer Morenz guest
Chapters
- 0:13 A caregiver's seat, hats, and a book
Keith frames the episode around the person who has to be strong for everyone else in the room, and Sumer describes who she has become through three years of her husband's cancer. Warm banter about her hat collection leads into the reveal of her book, Caregiver's Guide to Sanity, and why this episode follows her husband's.
- 6:18 Be your own advocate
Sumer recounts a diagnosis that came out of left field, the unease she felt about the first doctor's push toward immediate surgery, and the decision to fire him. She and Keith press the point that if you feel you cannot ask your doctor a question, that itself is a red flag — and she traces her own hesitation back to being raised not to question authority.
- 12:55 Check on your son, True
Three nights in a row Sumer is woken with the same instruction to check on her youngest son. When he finally breaks, he tells them he has been cutting and is suicidal. She describes locking up the knives and guns, calling a family meeting so True could tell his brother himself, and the guttural cry from Judah that she believes broke something off him.
- 21:21 Four tornadoes in one season
Sumer recalls her mother's vivid dream of four tornadoes, three small and one large, delivered months before any of this began. The cancer diagnosis, her son's suicidality, her father's Parkinson's, and the Mother's Day weekend scan showing the cancer had spread everywhere line up against it.
- 24:09 Anything but shining
At the low point Sumer is drinking too much and considering giving up, until Mike tells her plainly that she is doing anything but shining. She explains the 'I am' statements she used as an out card for years and how a coach's blunt challenge exposed them.
- 35:43 The mask, and who gets past it
Sumer describes the small circle of women she trusts with the deepest things — people who listen and then challenge her to rise rather than coddle her — and why it took so long to let them in. That leads to the slumber party in Iowa where she was made to look like a clown, the mask she built afterward, and the Facebook Live where she took her makeup off and told the story.
- 48:16 Going live, fighting for treatment
Convinced that God told her to bring people into the journey rather than hide it, Sumer starts telling the truth publicly — including the anger. She recounts $250,000 paid out of pocket, hospitals turning them away, and the live video that mobilized followers to write letters until the insurer covered treatment in the United States.
- 54:48 Relinquishing control, learning trust
With both her husband and her father battling illnesses she cannot fix, Sumer confronts a trust issue she never knew she had. She and Keith connect the dots between refusing to trust God and the exhaustion that had drained her ability to shine.
- 56:54 Relationship over rules and regulations
Keith reflects on years as a provider and protector, and on learning to trust his wife's intuition about their children instead of accepting the answer he wanted to hear. Sumer explains the principle she and Mike built their home on, from giving up the bed-making battle to sitting on her sons' beds at night and making her house the one everyone came to.
- 1:08:25 The gratitude muscle
Sumer describes the atmosphere she once cultivated at home, the three near-losses of her marriage, and the coach who answered her resignation with a single question about gratitude. Writing three things by hand every morning before prayer, she says, ended a long struggle with depression ten years before cancer arrived — and the muscle held when it did.
- 1:15:00 Cancer as a gift
Sumer talks about a season of anger at God, being told her emotions did not frighten him, and how the things she once valued lost their hold. She says plainly that cancer has been a gift — a claim she says she would once have rejected outright — and Keith presses her on what she means.
- 1:20:28 Fathers, vulnerability, and the tribe
Sumer speaks directly to men about representing the heavenly Father, the weight a father's words carry, and how her own dad's habit of apologizing shaped her. The episode closes on her conviction that the enemy's chief tactic is division, and Keith's takeaway that isolation is not healthy — find your tribe and be vulnerable.
Key takeaways
- 6:56 Be your own advocate. Sumer felt a check in her gut before the biopsy and did not act on it; the doctor who threatened to stop treating them if they refused surgery was the one they eventually left. If you feel you cannot ask your doctor a question, treat that as the red flag.
- 15:30 Accountability breaks a stronghold because it ends the isolation the enemy depends on. Sumer had True tell his brothers himself rather than telling them for him, and she applies the same principle to the family's public honesty about their marriage and Mike's struggles.
- 36:08 Sumer describes a small tribe of praying women who listen and then challenge her to rise. She has explicitly asked them not to coddle her, and describes the ebb and flow: sometimes it is come over and watch movies, sometimes it is you have been down three days, stand up.
- 1:01:17 Relationship over rules and regulations. Sumer gave up the daily bed-making fight after sensing the Holy Spirit ask whether she wanted a relationship with her boys or their beds made, then deliberately cultivated a home her sons and their friends wanted to be in. Her grown sons still call every night.
- 1:09:48 The gratitude practice: three things written by hand every morning, before prayer and worship. Sumer took it as a stubborn challenge from her coach Doug, expecting to quit in a month, and says she has not dealt with depression in the ten years since. When depression crept back during the cancer, the muscle held.
Pull quotes
Sumer's thesis for the whole episode: vulnerability is not weakness, and this journey is not meant to be carried in isolation behind a brave face. She says God woke her and told her to tell people what they were walking through instead of hiding it.
She knew the cancer had spread before anyone told her, because she watched the doctor swallow hard while looking at a scan. Alone in the hotel room afterward she searched for prostate cancer life expectancy, and warns listeners plainly not to let Google be their doctor or dictate the future.
Three nights in a row Sumer was woken with the same impression to check on her youngest son. Twice he said he was fine. On the third night the impression was loud and explicit, and the next day he told them he had been cutting and was suicidal.
"You're doing anything but shining, babe." Mike's sentence to Sumer on day three of a shutdown, which she says she received rather than fought — the turning point out of the lowest stretch of the journey.
At a slumber party in Iowa, girls did Sumer's hair and makeup to make her look like a clown. That night she decided she would never be made a fool of again and began building an appearance she later recognized as a mask. Decades later she took her makeup off on a Facebook Live and told the story, and calls it healing.
"Cancer has been a gift." Sumer says she would have called that claim nonsense before living it, and Keith says he did not expect the conversation to land there. She means the ordeal revealed what she had hidden for a lifetime and made her a different person.
Scripture & context
- 21:30 Five to seven months before the diagnosis, Sumer's mother described a dream of four tornadoes — three small, one large — that could take Sumer and Mike out but did not. Sumer says it did not comfort her; it frightened her. But it prepared her, and she is grateful the storms came one at a time.
- 50:43 The financial reality behind the story: roughly $250,000 paid out of pocket, a home and savings sold, one facility asking $100,000 simply for entry, and rejection from hospital after hospital. The letter-writing campaign Sumer organized on social media is what finally moved the insurer.
- 1:21:14 Matthew 6:9 — Keith reflects that an infinite God who could package himself any way he chose taught us to pray 'our Father,' which means children read God through the lens of their earthly fathers. Sumer adds that the one thing her dad did right was apologize often.
- 1:26:39 2 Corinthians 12:9 — Keith closes with an allusion to God's sufficient grace as he sums up his takeaway: isolation is not healthy, nobody is doing it perfectly, find your tribe and be vulnerable.
Questions answered
- What is Sumer Morenz's book, and when does it come out?
- The book is called Caregiver's Guide to Sanity, and Keith notes it is expected in October. Sumer says she had started a very different book — a memoir of her earlier life — and abandoned it before God gave her this title while she was driving. She describes it as a book she wrote to herself in the middle of the process, and says writing it is part of how she got through. jump · 5:24
- What does Sumer mean by helping people find their shine?
- She means helping people discover who they actually are in the middle of turmoil rather than shrinking back from it. She says she used to answer the identity question with roles — wife, mother, health coach — and that this journey changed her into someone who no longer apologizes for tears. Her point is that shine looks different on everyone, and that it comes through a person rather than from them. jump · 1:26
- Why does Sumer tell patients and caregivers to advocate for themselves?
- She felt an internal check before Mike's biopsy and did not act on it, and she says she wishes they had challenged their first doctor from the start. That doctor eventually told them he would stop treating them if they did not have the surgery, so they left. Her takeaway is that people default to doing whatever a doctor says, and that a doctor you cannot ask questions of is itself the warning sign. Keith says the same thing has come up in his own life several times. jump · 6:56
- How does Sumer say you can tell you are hearing the voice of God?
- She says most people experience it as intuition — a nudge, a weird feeling, a name that keeps surfacing — and that this is often God pointing at something to check on. Being woken in the night was not normal for her; usually he speaks during the day. She also says she asked God early on to speak to her in a way she could only attribute to him. jump · 13:54
- How did Sumer find out her son was suicidal?
- God woke her three nights in a row with her youngest son True on her mind, and each of the first two days he told her he was fine. On the third night the impression was loud and explicit that he was not okay, so she pulled him aside the next day and he broke. He told them he had been cutting and was suicidal, and in counseling it emerged that he had written a goodbye letter. jump · 12:55
- What were the four tornadoes in her mother's dream?
- Roughly five to seven months before the diagnosis, Sumer's mother described a vivid dream of four tornadoes — three smaller ones and a large fourth — that could take Sumer and Mike out but did not. In hindsight they map to Mike's cancer, True's suicidality, her father's Parkinson's diagnosis, and the Mother's Day weekend news that Mike's cancer had spread throughout his body. Sumer says the dream did not comfort her at the time; it frightened her. What she is grateful for is that God gave the storms to her one at a time rather than all at once. jump · 21:30
- What kept Sumer from falling apart as a caregiver?
- She is candid that she nearly did — drinking a bottle of wine instead of a glass, wanting to shut down and run, feeling depression return. Mike's blunt observation that she was doing anything but shining broke the spiral, and she credits a small circle of women who listen without coddling and a gratitude practice she had built years earlier. She also names the thing underneath it: she was not trusting God with an outcome she could not control. jump · 23:15
- How did they finally get Mike's treatment covered by insurance?
- After paying roughly $250,000 out of pocket and being rejected by hospital after hospital, Sumer learned the treatment had been approved in the United States but was being withheld because Mike had not yet failed other options. She went live on social media, showed her anger, wrote a sample letter, and messaged it to hundreds of people who then contacted the insurance company. That campaign is how he got the treatment in the United States. jump · 50:43
- What gratitude practice does Sumer credit with lifting her depression?
- About ten years before the cancer, she called her coach Doug to quit and cited depression and long hours. He asked her instead to write down three things she was grateful for every morning by hand, before prayer or worship, and then revisit quitting in a month. She started with single words like air and house; within a week they became sentences, and she says she has not dealt with depression since. She adds that writing it by hand mattered, and that she had previously been starting her days complaining in prayer. jump · 1:09:36
- Why does Sumer call cancer a gift?
- She is explicit that she would once have called that idea nonsense. She means that the ordeal surfaced things she had hidden for a lifetime — insecurity, depression, a need for control, a mask she did not know she was wearing — and forced her to deal with them. She also says it drew her family together, ended her habit of hiding, and stripped the value out of possessions she used to prize. jump · 1:18:01
Helpful links
product
- Shop Still Strong The Still Strong merchandise shop Keith names on air while giving Sumer one of the Richardson 112 hats.
website
- Still Strong podcast episodes Where to find Mike Morenz's episode, released the week before this one, which Sumer references throughout.
Full transcript
Intro voiceover: I learned the hard way. Nothing's overnight. Some days you lose, some days you survive.
Keith Vance: Still
Keith Vance: Imagine being told that the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with has an aggressive cancer. Now imagine have to be strong for everyone else in the room, all while carrying your own fears, your own questions, and your own exhaustion. Today's guest has firsthand experience of that journey. What started as a battle of cancer with a husband became a a mission for other caregivers. Summer Marines,
Sumer Morenz: welcome to the Still Strong podcast. Thanks for having me. That's quite the introduction. A little bit. Wasn't really prepared for it emotionally. Thank you.
Keith Vance: Summer, can you for people who don't know you, can you describe who you are today and again like your husband, this current chapter of life that you're in?
Sumer Morenz: You know, my passion in life is to help people find out who they are, to find their shine in the midst of turmoil, in the midst of every day. I it's funny. I think if you would've asked me that question a while back, I would've said, well, I'm a wife. I'm a mother. I'm a, you know, health coach. And now I truly believe this has altered every part of me. This journey has changed me dramatically. I used to apologize for my tears, and now I don't. I I feel like I found strength in the vulnerability of this journey journey and living it out. Actually, God woke me up and told me to tell people what we were walking through instead of hiding it. And forever, I would have hid this. You know? Cancer wasn't something that I ever thought would be a part of my story. And now I really wanna empower people that are in the process of this to know that vulnerability is not weakness, that this journey is not meant to be held back in isolation, And you have to cower and do it alone, putting on a brave face. It's one that can actually empower you and change lives around you if you choose to allow it to. You know? It can actually draw people together, and that's what's happened with us. So I am really a strong person. And I want other people to get like, gain from that strength, pull from my strength, and build their own faith and strength, and help them learn how to shine in this process that they're walking because we're all walking through life. So that's who I am now.
Keith Vance: Listen, girl. I've been following you on social media for a little while. I see you in the gym with these awesome hats. I love hats. And I happen to sell some hats on our website called shopstrong.com. Stop shopstillstrong.com, but I got one for you here. This
Sumer Morenz: is my love language. These are Richardson one twelves. I don't know anything about hats, but my kids tell me these are the best. Oh, I know a lot about hats. So you should it out. The best. I can't wait. I would literally put this on right now if my hair wouldn't go flat in a second, but it is. So I have actually wanted to come on this podcast for this hat. So you have, I would say, I would call it an addiction to hats. I do. It's a problem. So much so that you normally travel with a carry on just for your hats. So let's talk about your hats. How many do you have? Like, let's let's talk about it. Okay. So here's the deal. The reason why I have this addiction, I wanna explain it to you. So I worked where I had to dress up every day as a general manager. I worked in television, so as a TV producer. I had to dress up every day. And my goal in life Uh-huh. Was to not have to do my hair I hear it. Not have to dress up to wear well, party on the bottom and business on top because I can do it in Zoom. And if I'm working for myself, I'm wearing a hat. Good for you. So that's my goal. And so I have probably, like, I don't know, 50 hats. It's a lot. But my favorites, you know, I can see that one being right up there. I've never heard of someone traveling with it sounded like luggage for your own hats. Did I hear that wrong? Like No. Explain that to me. Okay. They make luggage for hats? Yeah. It's a little hat carrying case that I actually put in the overhead compartment of a flight. And the reason is because I've ruined hats by shoving them in my luggage and trying to put stuff around them to keep the Got it. Shape. And then all of a sudden, one of my favorite hats is ruined. Got it. So when I go to places for a long time and I know I'm gonna be wearing
Keith Vance: multiple hats. Understood. Yeah. That's my So
Keith Vance: let's get down to it. And let's start with this. You are writing a book that I think comes out in October.
Sumer Morenz: Yeah. What's the name of your book? It's called Caregiver's Guide to Sanity.
Keith Vance: And that's the whole point of you sitting here because we heard this podcast will have will come out the week after your husband's. Oh, yay. Yeah. So we talked about his cancer journey. Yeah. But then there's another perspective and aspect of the the one Yeah. That's caring for their loved one, which is, what we're gonna dive into here. So we heard about his story, what it's like to to be the one to have it. Yeah. But I feel like it's heavier to be to be the one that's caring for the person. Yeah. And you went through that journey and wrote a book to help people navigate through that. So I'm gonna let you pick up which, wherever you wanna start. Okay. And then like I said, we'll do we'll just do the same format. Wherever you and I are resonating back and forth, I'm just gonna hey, stop. We need to talk through this, and then we'll just make our way through it. Okay. Let's get it. You know,
Sumer Morenz: this journey started three years ago, this cancer journey. And, it came out of left field. It really did. It wasn't something we're ever expecting. So much so I know my husband shared this on his podcast, but I didn't even go with him to the doctor. Because the doctor was like, yeah, you're fine. Everybody was like, yo, he's fine. He's too young. He's too healthy. He's fine. So he went and we got the diagnosis. And then we went back together and they were like, we need to do surgery immediately. And there was just something not not something. I know that the Holy Spirit speaks to me. And the little just something's off here. No. Went inside my gut, and it was actually right there that I realized that it's really important that we advocate for ourselves, that we start to challenge what people tell us and not just take it for, you know, face value. We I wish, looking back, we would have challenged some things that this guy said from the get go. And instead, we did what a lot of people do. If that's your doctor says to do it, you do it. And that's what we did with the biopsy. And the more we've gotten knowledge about biopsies, the more we wished you can find out if it's cancerous without having a biopsy. Most people don't know that because you just do what your doctor says. So we end up firing that doctor, and we didn't even really know why except he told us if we didn't go get the surgery, he wouldn't treat us anymore. So we're like, okay. Well, I guess you're not gonna treat us because we don't feel right about it. Went to a place called Hope for Cancer.
Keith Vance: What was Before you get to Hope for Cancer, I'm I'm not gonna get into every detail and every instance. Yeah. But when you said be your own advocate, I'm telling you people out there, be your own advocate. Because what you just talked about has touched my life at least three or four times. Yeah. And there's that small voice inside you that says, hey. Ask the question, but you don't. You resist. You well, they're the professional. They know, but there's something inside you. If something doesn't feel right or what why can't I ask a question? I I let my kids ask me questions. Mhmm. They ask questions because they want to know. How can we feel like we can't ask questions like we're gonna offend somebody or, like, why? Yeah. So if you feel like you can't ask someone a question, I would say that would be a red flag based on my experience. Did you have the same experience? Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting because it does stem down to, like, when we were raised.
Sumer Morenz: I'm turning 49 this year. So when I was a little girl, it was speak until spoken to or speak when spoken to. Be quiet. Don't ask questions. Don't ask questions. That's bad. Question is to question authority. Yeah. And you're too bold. You're too loud. You're too much, Summer. That was what was told over me my whole life. And yet here I was raised with this angst inside of me because I know as a leader, I knew I was a strong female, but I was constantly told to be quiet. Like, knew I heard the voice of God from a little girl. I could tell you when I got weird feelings about someone, and I couldn't quite verbalize it, and I'm scared to share it with people. And yet here the whole time it was God going, red flag here. Something's weird here. You know, side note with you. You are literally one of the kindest,
Keith Vance: biggest hearted people I've met in a really long time. Listen, don't tell me about that because I got this persona that I try to put on. Not at all that persona. Don't listen. Don't blow my cover, girl. You're, like, the most sensitive, kind person.
Sumer Morenz: It's so sweet. Doing to my reputation right now. I'm sorry. I just destroyed it. But it's true. It's so your love for God, your love for people just comes right out of your eyes, and you don't even get the opportunity to hold it back, which is really cool. It's refreshing. It is. But I can sense things, and I've always been that way. But I've always felt like I had to hold back. And that is one thing about this journey that it's done for me is it is uncaged, unleashed an animal in me that's like, no. I'm not holding back anymore. So I'll go real quick into the story of what happened. Mike gets diagnosed with cancer. We go to hope for cancer. While we're there, I see them looking at a scan, and all I see is the doctor make one hard swallow. You picked up on that? Yep. That was it. It had already spread. He he could see it right there in front of me, and I knew it. I knew it was in the bone. And Mike was getting treatments done, and I went back to the hotel room, and I made a stupid mistake. And this is something I will say. Listen to me. Don't do this. Don't let Google be your doctor, and don't let Google dictate what the future holds. But I googled. What is life expectancy
Sumer Morenz: when prostate cancer escapes?
Sumer Morenz: And the fear that hit me in that moment was the most
Sumer Morenz: it's it took me. It shook me. I literally I don't know if I've ever cried like that in my life. I was prostate on the ground, begging for my husband's life because I just knew where it had gone to the next level.
Keith Vance: There's tissues next to you if you need them. Thank you. I
Sumer Morenz: just knew. I knew by watching his that doctor. And, of course, you know, we're taught to not speak death and to not look at it as it could be happening and believing for healing. And in my core, I I wanted that so bad. But yet, it's like this big monsters in front of you, and all you can do is sit there and go, oh my goodness. We're going to have to navigate this.
Sumer Morenz: Real quick grab that.
Sumer Morenz: So in Cancun was when we experienced the first time me realizing this. Of course, I bring it up to Mike, he's like, no. No. No. Everything's fine. I'm sure it's fine. You know? I'm gonna be healed. And I wanted to sit in that with him. We get back from Cancun, and we're at home. And I get waking up in the middle of the night from God, and I felt like check on your son, True. He's our youngest son of three. We have Sage, Judah, and True. True spelled t r u e? T r u e s. That's cool. Isn't that cool? And what's funny is his whole little life, he struggled with lying. And I'm like, no. Your name needs honor, integrity. You can't. Now he's much better. But at the time, God told me to go check on him. I went and checked on him and said, hey, buddy. The next day, was like, hey. Your name kept popping up in my head last night. Could not sleep. Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine, mom. I'm fine. I'm like, okay. Next night. Now I don't I don't get woken up in the middle of the night by God. Like, that's not a normal habit. Normally, he just kinda tells me during the day things to so I if you're listening to this and you're like, how do I know I if I hear the voice of God, a lot of times people think it's your intuition, you know, something inside of you, just a nudge or a weird feeling. But that's actually God giving you like, oh, here's a something to check on or look at. And I even asked God when I was first starting to hear his voice or know it was him, like, speak to me in a way that I can only know it's you. I I would crave to hear his voice. And so the next night, he spoke again to me, check on truth. So the very next day, I'm like, buddy, this is two nights in a row. What's going on? Everything okay? Yeah, mom. I'm fine. Everything's great. I'm like, okay. And I knew then something was off. Third night, God woke me up. This time it was loud. It was like, no. He is not okay. Check on true. So that next day, I pulled him in his side, and I was like, buddy, something's off. What's going on? And he broke in front of me. And he might he told us at that moment he was cutting, and he was suicidal. We didn't know how far it went until we took him to counseling, and he had told the counselor that he wrote a goodbye letter to us. And what was beautiful was I felt incredibly strong that he had to be the one to hold himself accountable to his brothers. So we called the family meeting.
Keith Vance: And Explain that to me.
Sumer Morenz: Accountability, I feel like when you're going through stuff that's really hard and that you wanna keep secret, especially secret sins, the enemy wants to isolate us. He wants us to feel like no one understands what we're going through. But when you're verbal about it and you speak about it, like we talk about in Mike's podcast, he talked about his struggle with pornography, and we talk boldly about our marriage issues. I feel like it almost removes a stronghold from you because it's no longer in isolation. It's accountability. It's out there blatantly for people to see. Now they can judge you. They can not wanna, you know, befriend you, but it's not something that they can hold against you because it's blatant for everyone to see. You know? Does that make sense?
Keith Vance: That makes sense. But you said he wanna be he wanted to be accountable to his brothers. So I felt like he needed to be accountable to his brothers. Oh, you felt like he needed to. Okay. Okay. Because So then you called a family meeting. Okay. I didn't understand that part. Yeah. We had to hide. I thought maybe he was being accountable to them and that they knew about it and you didn't. I I was trying to get a a okay. Yeah. I was confused. So No worries. Well, we had to hide all the knives in the house. We had to lock them up.
Sumer Morenz: And we had guns. We had to lock up guns. We had to lock up knives. We had to lock up anything sharp. And we and I'm like, okay, Mike. If we're gonna have to lock up things, then the other brothers need to know why they have to come asking their parents for a knife for a to cut the salad or steak. You know? So we did a family meeting. One of our our oldest son wasn't there, but our middle son was Judah. And, we're sitting in the living room. And I also believe that True needed to be the one to tell him because it's what he was walking through. So I'm like, buddy, it's your turn. You gotta tell your brothers what's happening. And so he started to tell our middle son, Judah.
Keith Vance: How old was he at this time? So
Sumer Morenz: he was 16. 15 or 16? Because it's been three year oh, so 15. 15.
Sumer Morenz: No. He was 16. So he we sat him down in the living room. He told his brother Judah, and all of a sudden, Judah made this guttural cry. I have never heard anything like it before. We actually thought he was laughing. We thought he maybe he thought we were joking, but it wasn't serious. So I did we were all like, wait. Wait. Judah. And then he started yelling. Why? Why? And he's he's just weeping. And it was the most powerful moment. I watched True watch his brother in anguish, like this pain. Like, why would you even think that way? Why would you not think that you're precious, that you're wonderful? And he even grabbed his brother. Like, he was, like, just so angry and hurt, and something broke over true that day. Something powerful. I mean, know it was so spiritual, but I watched him let it go. And then all of a sudden, he'd never dealt with it ever since. He stopped immediately. Like, immediately stopped cutting, immediately shifted, and then started working out, which again, it felt like he needed an outlet. Right? So a lot of that angst was inside of him. He didn't know how to get it out. And so then we started putting him in the gym. He's letting his angst out there, which is another healthy way to kinda deal with that emotional turmoil. So
Keith Vance: What your son was going through, was it related to what your husband was going through, or was it a separate was it a separate issue?
Sumer Morenz: I think it was an issue that had been there, but then you layer on the most important person
Sumer Morenz: in your life.
Sumer Morenz: I think that layered that just magnified it. So I think a lot of times there's trauma in our lives, then until something else comes to trigger that trauma, it's like been buried for a while. And so the cancer diagnosis was a trigger to reveal this brokenness inside of True that he needed healing from. And a lot of times, when we are going through hard things, it's like what Mike said earlier. You know? It's that revealing, that fire that's burnt up, and it literally brings all the bad to the surface and you can either remove it or you can actually let it bury you. And so you it's a decision factor. When you actually see the trauma, when you see what's going on inside, you get to make a decision. Do I give it to God? Do I try to control it? Do I hide from it? Do I shrink back? Or do I let it to actually make me refined?
Keith Vance: So So let me ask you a question. Yeah. Your husband was diagnosed with cancer. That's heavy enough in itself.
Keith Vance: And then your son is having suicidal thoughts and actions, which is a whole another thing by itself. Yep. And you have these two things overlaid. Yeah. So how did you feel as a mother and a caregiver? Did you feel like a failure? Like, what were the emotions that you went through going through both those heavy times at the same time? Do you remember how you felt?
Sumer Morenz: Well, it's interesting because God did prepare me for the season. So about seven months prior to all of this. So that happened. So about three months after the diagnosis, right, was when we found out true. About seven months maybe five to seven months prior, my mom calls me, and she had a dream. And she said, Summer, I had the weirdest dream, and it was so vivid. I have to share it with you. I'm like, okay. She's like, I saw four tornadoes, three smaller tornadoes and one really big tornado. And she goes, and it was you and Mike. And these tornadoes could could take you out, but they didn't. And the big the biggest tornado was the fourth one at the end. And I was like, Interesting. And I didn't just, you know, poop her away. I've never really had somebody have a dream like that. It was kind of alarming.
Sumer Morenz: But it prepared my mind and my heart for the season. And I knew I could either lose my mind or lean into it. And I lost almost lost my mind. So I'll keep going on the story, and then you'll I'll answer your question better in detail. Three months after true, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. So it went from my husband, cancer, son, suicidal, father, Parkinson's disease. And about three months after my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, we found out that right at Mother's Day's weekend that Mike's cancer had spread all the way through his body. And it wasn't just like a little bit. It was like everywhere.
Sumer Morenz: That's when I lost myself. I actually came to a pivotal moment. I was drinking way too much wine. I it was like, okay. Instead of a glass, I'm gonna drink a bottle tonight cause I need to sleep or whatever excuse I was giving myself. I I used to struggle with depression. I don't deal with that anymore. But I came to a place where it was like, okay. Who are you now? Are you the woman that you speak about, or are you in this? Are you gonna just give up? I kinda felt like giving up. And Mike was in the room one day, and I had three days where I was feeling just incredibly negative, like, wanting to shut down from life and run away. And back in the day, I would just go to bed, and I'd get a migraine or whatever because I did get migraines often. And I would just lock myself in the room and kinda shut out of the world and say I was depressed. Well, I didn't I don't use that as an excuse anymore because that's what it was for a really long time, was my out card. Right? Well, he looked at me, and it was, like, day three of me being in this funk. And he goes, you're doing anything but shining, babe. And it's funny because I looked at him and instead of me going getting angry at him, which before I would have been like, oh, really? You wanna see shine? I would have, like, wanted to fight because I am a fighter. I'm a little ghetto. But I looked at him, and I'm like, you're right. You are so right. I am. That's not who I am. So I've developed in me, I am statements about myself. Like, who am I? For the longest time, I would have said, I am blonde, which meant I'm not that smart. I can get away with things.
Sumer Morenz: If someone said, hey, you wanna do this? I'm like, I'm blonde. I don't really get a bad. Like, it was my out. My coach challenged me on that. My coach, Doug, we're on a Zoom. He said something to me. I'm like, I'm blonde. And he goes, are you stupid? I got so mad. Like, anger. Because you tell me I'm stupid, like, that's like fighting words. So I got really mad, and he knew it. He did it on purpose. And I'm like, what are you saying? And he started listing, like, things that I've done with my life, like running, you know, large organizations and businesses and things. And he's like, some are anything but that. But you say these I am statements about yourself as your out card to not deal with something. And I was like, wow. I've never seen that. My whole life, I've been doing it. So I am a person that shines in the middle of hard situations because I can, and we all can. It might look different. I mean, not everybody's like, look at the trees. I can't help but we're in Florida. And so the moss on the trees brings me home. I'm actually born in born in Florida, but not everybody's like me. But that doesn't mean their shine is any less, you know, shining. So
Keith Vance: I gotta ask you a question that goes back a little bit. Yeah. Your mom said, hey. There's these four tornadoes. How long did it take before you connected what you were going through to what your mom had talked about? Was it the first thing? Was it the second thing? Like, when did you make that connection, and did that connection bring you a certain amount of comfort and peace in the moment? Or did it did it soften the blow? Like, I wanna talk about the two connections and importance of it. Yeah. And then what if your mom hadn't called you? What if she what if like, where what do you think if she hadn't shared that with you, do you think the outcome would have been different? Did you ever cling to that? So just Yeah. I hit you up with three or four things right there. So just
Sumer Morenz: Well, one, I will tell you there's power in having really strong godly people in your life. There's power in that. My mom noticed the first tornado right away. She did? She did. Soon as he was diagnosed with cancer, she goes, remember that dream, son? I'm like, oh, I didn't think about it. You know? So she brought it back up to me.
Sumer Morenz: And I will tell you, I didn't bring it didn't bring me comfort. It scared the bejeebus out of me because I was like, oh, crap. If this is tornado number one and there are three small ones, like, I kinda wanna go, mom. That was did you eat pizza before you went to bed at night? Like, that's my first initial reaction, but I also know my mom is the reason why I'm like, my mom and dad, they're the most amazing people. My dad was a really, really strong military man. And when God got ahold of him, Keith, he's so much like you. His eyes tell the story. He cries. He just loves people so deep. He would give you the shirt off his back. He's the sweetest. And he wasn't that way all the time. Before God, he was not the nicest person. He was very strong. And then he kept bringing people into our home. So, like, growing up, I had random strangers living in my home because my dad would move them in. I had a girl that was a ex gang member out of Oakland, California living in my house. I mean, this wasn't, like, little stories. These are, like, big stories. I actually when I first started writing my book, it was like a memoir of the things that have happened in my life because this girl has lived a life. I've had a gun put to my head. I mean, we've had some crazy situations in the past, and it's a whole another story. God actually when I was driving down the road, I was done writing that book because I was bored of my own life. And God gave me the title Caregiver's Guide to Sanity. I wasn't even thinking about writing a book about what we were walking through at all. And actually didn't really want to. And didn't really realize that I was going to have to struggle with keeping my wits about me in this process. So this book is me writing to myself. Like, I'm literally writing a book on how I'm getting through this process in the process, which helped me through the process. It's so odd. And if my English teacher would have ever found out that I wrote a book, she would be she wouldn't believe it. So it's been a fun journey. It's been hard. I didn't know. Are you gonna write a book?
Keith Vance: Don't say that to me.
Sumer Morenz: Don't you drop you don't like to read because I I was thinking about bringing you a book.
Keith Vance: Don't you drop that on me. I got enough on my plate. We write no books. You
Sumer Morenz: have a book in you. I can tell.
Keith Vance: Listen. Don't be interviewing me. Let's get back let's get back to work here. I'm interviewing you. So back to your mom. Yeah. I asked you when those storms started hitting, did you make those connections? Yep. She did. Did it help give you stability? And if she hadn't have given you that in the moment, do you think the outcome would have been different?
Sumer Morenz: You know, I honestly don't know. I know that having people that I could lean on, she knew that the storms were coming. We didn't know what they were gonna look like. We we knew that
Sumer Morenz: we knew a little glimpse, and I honestly don't think I could have handled it all at one time. So I'm very grateful that God gave me them
Keith Vance: individually. You know? Yeah. Because the reason why I'm asking
Keith Vance: is because me personally, if you tell me, hey, Keith, we're gonna do five workouts a day, and they're gonna suck. And we start doing them, I can count them off, and my brain can digest it and say, okay. There's three more, two more. Right?
Keith Vance: But when there's no end in sight Yeah. When how many more are there? Yeah. When we get bewildered and, like, another like, when's the other one coming? Like, that's a whole another I mean, your book was talking about sanity. Yeah. I think I would lose my sanity. Yeah. I mean, that's how they break down people in the military. Yeah. They're alright. We're going for a run. Well, how long are we going for?
Keith Vance: Well, it's done. For a run. Yeah. And it breaks people when there's no end in sight, Yeah. There's no light at the end of tunnel. When there's no how many sets? How many reps? I just want if I know how many sets, how many reps we're gonna do Yeah. I can figure it out. Yeah.
Sumer Morenz: So I just thought I was curious. Your mom was saying there's four. Yeah. There's one. Oh, that sucks, but there's like, that's how maybe a a man breaks things down. It makes it make sense. I don't I don't No. I completely agree with you. I have actually quit coaches that, like, throw in the two last ones. I'm like, forget it. You told me five. I'm holding you to to that. So when they say, oh, here, do two more. I'm like, no. He said five. So I feel that. I totally relate to that. You know, it's interesting looking back in this journey.
Sumer Morenz: Even though there was four main ones, there was a lots of little ones along the way. Lots of things that we had to navigate, like our business. My husband talked about in the podcast our business going backwards. It didn't just go backwards. I had one of my best friends a year into our cancer journey when Mike was in the thick of radiation sabotage our business, steal coaches from our team and our organization, some people that I thought were my closest friends. It was the most heart wrenching thing because I loved her like a sister. And I I still believe in restoration. I believe that God could restore what the enemy has tried to steal from us in regards to relationship. I know he's gonna restore our business. I I know that without a doubt. But in regards to relationship, I've cling on to hope there because there's there's still people, and people can shift in. They can repent. Right? But in the midst of the time when you are grasping for air Mhmm. It was like a knife. Mhmm. You know? And it happened to be the weekend when we found out of my birthday. So it was one of the worst birthdays I've ever had. I've had two really bad birthdays. My last two birthdays were two of the hardest birthdays of my life. That one, because one of my closest friends was deciding that she was going to sabotage our business and then talk publicly about us, which broke my heart. And then the next birthday was after Mike's treatments when we had he shared in the podcast before us going to Canada and getting some treatments up there and how hard it was on his body. It was so hard on me. I've never had to do anything like challenge my husband in the midst of his pain. That was hard. I am a challenger. I know that about me. Like, I I call, things out of people like your book. But I also know that when someone's in the thick of it, it's really hard for me to say, rise up. Come on. You can do it. And that birthday, he was a shell of a he was a shell of a man. He went from my strong protector to a fragile, fragile person. And it wasn't until my day of my birthday, I walked in and saw how fragile he was Mhmm. That it hit that he might not be there for my next birthday. And I had to really navigate that.
Keith Vance: So hold on a minute. As you're having those feelings, is there anyone in your life that you're sharing those feelings with? Yeah. And that's what's huge. Who are you sharing it with? Well,
Sumer Morenz: I decided to go because you can't tell him. No. Mm-mm. I have a tribe that I share those deep, feelings with, and it's a very small tribe. Well, I I can tell you that the the tribe of women that I have in my life, it's like my, go to. They're they're prayer warriors, but here's something that I find so interesting about this group of women. When I come to them and I'm sharing what I'm going through, they listen, but then they challenge me to rise. There you go. And they don't patty cake me. They don't coddle me. And I've asked for it. I don't want that. I don't want to have someone just constantly saying, oh, poor you, Summer. This is so hard because it is hard. They'll say, Summer, this is the hardest thing I've ever seen anybody have to go through. But girl, if anyone can do it, it's you. And they they know the balance. Right? When you have people in your life and you've given them permission to go there with you, there's a little bit of an ebb and a flow. Sometimes it's a girl, I'm coming over, we're just gonna watch movies and hang out together. And sometimes it's a if you've done this for three days, you need to stand up and move along. So there's a little bit of a dance. But it took a while for me to actually share the deep, deep, deep things
Keith Vance: about Why?
Sumer Morenz: Because of my own
Sumer Morenz: protecting of Mike.
Keith Vance: I wanted to protect him. Was it protecting him, or was it protecting your own image? Both. A 100%. Women I feel like women want everybody to see after the makeup, after the hair like this. Oh, yeah. Feel like that's in women to put on the best the best. Oh, yeah. And it's kinda hard. Like, when we go out to eat, last minute behavior, let's go to eat. She's gotta take twenty minutes to get her hair. I said, you're already beautiful. What's wrong? No. I can't go out like this. So there's that thing where in women to make sure everything looks good and it plays the part Uh-huh. And to not let people see behind the scene. Is that a is that a real thing? Oh, a 100%. So So it takes a while to trust somebody to be able to share the intimate things?
Sumer Morenz: Well, there's the intimate things that I'm willing to share with everyone. Mhmm. And then there's the really
Keith Vance: The ones that matter. The ones that
Sumer Morenz: is is me not understanding how to say things sometimes. Yes. Because I don't wanna make him feel bad or look bad. Understood. So I can understand it now. I'm getting a visual. Yeah. You know what's interesting about what you just shared? So when I was a little girl, I I was always the new girl, military brat, and then pastor's daughter. So we moved.
Keith Vance: Your dad's a pastor? Yeah. Did you know my dad's a pastor? Oh,
Sumer Morenz: PK. Alright. Well Okay. That's why I like you so much. I should've known it all. Trouble. Work well, good. Good trouble.
Keith Vance: That's the I was in good trouble. I had bad trouble.
Sumer Morenz: Me too. So needless to say, we moved around a ton. Well, one of the stops was in Iowa because that's where my mom's family's from, is Iowa. And I was the new girl at school and finally got invited to a slumber party and go to the slumber party. And the girls wanna do my makeup and hair. At the time, I was a tomboy. Like, didn't do hair and makeup. It was all football. And, you know, I was always out there with the guys playing because my brother's a year older than me, so I always wanted to be like him. Needless to say, I got invited to the slumber party, so excited to go, and they wanted to do my makeup. So they did my makeup and hair. They covered the mirror, and it was around 03:00 in the morning. They revealed to me my makeup and hair, and they had made me look like a clown. So I was the joke of the slumber party. And I called my mom and said, pick me up. I'm in tears, you know, crying, and she came right away. And something in that day marked me. And I was like, I will never be made full a full of again. I will look the part. So I started that day doing my hair. I actually had college girls from the youth group. Mom brought them over to our house, taught me how to do my hair and my makeup and dress and do the part. It literally became a mask, a mask that I held so dear. I modeled. I was like, forget this. You're gonna make fun of me. I'm gonna make you all look bad. And I didn't even know that was there. I had no idea that I had built that wallet from that one incidence until someone challenged me on it. Don't go anywhere. Okay.
Keith Vance: Don't go anywhere.
Keith Vance: I got a five daughters.
Sumer Morenz: Mhmm.
Keith Vance: And this is her story to tell, I'm not gonna say her name.
Keith Vance: But one of my daughters that once was
Keith Vance: joyful and outgoing
Keith Vance: began to turn into herself.
Keith Vance: Begin to be self conscious.
Keith Vance: And I didn't find out till years later that
Keith Vance: girls in school were making her the the the clown. She was the odd one out. Mhmm.
Keith Vance: And she's a beautiful girl. And did they invited her over to spend the night.
Keith Vance: And she spent the night and she was ridiculed,
Keith Vance: but she didn't call us. Yeah. Didn't call mom, dad. You called your mom, dad. Get me get me out of here. Yeah.
Keith Vance: So she endured it. And then, the next day, they went out riding horses or doing their thing together and left her at their house.
Sumer Morenz: And She's she's still she's still deals with insecurities.
Keith Vance: You know I mean? She still deals with insecurities. So I feel like we came across this. I feel like there's a reason why Yeah. If there's anything here Yeah. Don't have daughters, but you were a daughter and you're a woman. Yeah. If there's anything here that you could speak to that I can't because I'm a man and I don't understand all of that Yeah. If there's something here, can we stay here for minute and speak to those Yeah. Speak to you you as a daughter Yeah. Back then, speak to my daughter back then because there's other girls. I feel like it's worse Oh, it is. With this whole freaking social media thing. Like, you don't even have to listen. You don't even have to spend the night at a girl's house to be made fun of. It's just all over social media, and it's you can't get away from it. Yeah. Yeah. And then you talked about suicidal thoughts that your son was having. Like, there this is a thing. Right? It is. Is there anything here that you can speak to before we move on? Yeah.
Sumer Morenz: I had to heal that little girl. I had to go back into the room. I had to take and this might sound a little odd, but I had to take Jesus by the hand and walk him in the room and see her
Sumer Morenz: and ally her and let her know, like,
Sumer Morenz: that was done to you. You didn't deserve it. You didn't ask for it. And that was one of many times that bullying happened in my life. And, you know, there is something inside each and every one of us that causes us to either wanna shrink back from those times of pain or to use them as a place to stand on. And I believe that the platform that God has given me is to help women find out what you're called to be, that you're not called to be sitting back anymore. You're not called to shrink back. That's actually what my hat says that I it says shrink, and then on the top, there's a line that you draw a line in the sand and then you shine. Because we're not called to shrink back anymore. We're called to shine. And the only way we can really shine bright is when we are not personally trying to shine ourselves, when God and the Holy Spirit is literally shining through us. It's almost like coming through your pores because you have nothing left, but you're just a skeleton of him. And after that happened, when I realized the connection of why I wore my makeup every day, makeup first thing, makeup, even before I go to gym, why I do my hair all the time. Now I do love makeup and hair and nails and all the things I kinda back curl now. My girl will fine. Yeah. But when I connected the two, I actually live on Facebook Live took my makeup off and told the story, and it was healing for me. And I feel like when you look at those stories as not something to hide from anymore, to keep secret. I lived a secret life for a really long time, Keith, a really long time. No one knew I dealt with depression. No one knew I was so insecure. No one knew I would hide, you know, who I was. I I tried to be so perfect for a really long time, and that's exhausting. It's exhausting trying to live that life, especially when you gain 85 pounds and you can no longer look the part. It's humbling to kinda get to a place of, okay. Who are you? Who do you really wanna be? And what's beautiful about this cancer journey with Mike is that it revealed something in me, and that was all of this pain that I have tried to hide from. Being a pastor's kid, you have to show up every Sunday with a smile on your face acting like everything's okay. I used to tell my parents, you're liars. We're hypocrites. Everything's not okay. We'd be in the car fighting, like, literally just fighting before a Sunday service. We pull up to church, put the smiles on, get out the car. Now I get. You can't, like, show up at church being like, you know. I totally get it. So it's not that they were being hypocritical. They were like, shift shift your energy. Shift and show up for people. It's not about you, Summer, which I heard my whole life. It's not just about you, Summer.
Sumer Morenz: But when I started learning the difference, like the difference about vulnerability, the difference about embracing your pain, I actually did get woken up by God to go live about our health this whole journey, this whole cancer journey. I I thought, we're not gonna tell anybody about it. We're just gonna navigate it. That's my that's kind of my MO. Just hide. Hide it. Nobody needs to know. We're just gonna, you know, power through this thing. It's that, you know, Midwest Mhmm. In me. I think that just gritty nature. I'm like, nobody needs to know. We're just gonna go through it. And I felt like God said, no. Bring everybody on this journey. Tell them. And it was so hard for me. That was really hard for me to tell the whole world what we were walking through. The good times, the bad times, the hard times, all the times, and not try to make it something it wasn't now. Mike, on the other hand, he spends everything in this positive light. He's always been that way. Well, it irritated the crap out of me. Good. Because it does me too.
Keith Vance: I was waiting for someone else to say it. He's too positive for me, man. Oh my gosh. It drove me nuts. Positive for I'm like I gotta give me some of that again.
Sumer Morenz: It's true. I was like, what in the world? Well and what was interesting is here he is in this excruciating pain, can barely move, and then he's on Facebook Live, like, in an hour. Hey, guys. Pray for me. I'm in some pain with a smile on his face, and I'm like, that's not the person who was laying on the couch a minute ago on social media. And now he wasn't trying to put on a persona because he really what he really does think that way, feel that way, operate that way. But it also didn't really let people into our world to see what was truly happening behind closed doors. So him and I had to come to a place where, babe, people need to actually see that you're in pain. Like, not just posting the pictures of us smiling and happy. And that is something that I have fought with social media about. It is people's highlight reel. It's all the good moments of their life. It's not all the hard. Now then you have the opposite that can be true is the complainers of social media Sure. Where it's just the constant complaining platform. But there has to be a balance. There has to be a truth there, a realness there, a rawness there. And that's why I just decided, okay. Well, God, if you want me to go live, then I'm gonna go live about good, bad, ugly, all the things. And what's beautiful is that tribe has rallied us. Mhmm. Like with the whole insurance thing we had on Mike's podcast he talked about, We weren't getting our stuff covered. We paid $250,000 out of our pocket for treatments. $250,000. It's ridiculous to have to pay that kind of money just to get treatments that you need. Glad we had it. Glad we had a home to sell. Glad we had savings, but we shouldn't have had to to get treatments that were necessary. You know? So when I found out the FDA had finally approved them in The United States, but we couldn't get them because he hadn't failed certain things yet that we knew weren't gonna work, which is weird. Yeah.
Sumer Morenz: And I was like, no. We need to fight. And that was another thing I felt like God said, go live on social media about it. And I was like, okay. Well, this time, I was like, Mike, I'm going live my way. And I'm gonna let people see the anger. I'm gonna let them see the rage. I'm so mad. And I got we got on live. He sat next to me, and of course, he was, like, struggling with pain just even sitting next to me. And I said, babe, I'm gonna I really wanna lead this one. Something you might not know about me. I'm a spitfire. So I was like, listen. We have tried. We have asked. I have sent letters. I have emailed. I have called. I have fought. These are the things you don't hear about that people have to do just to get treatment. So stupid. We got rejected from hospital after hospital after facility after facility because our insurance didn't cover. And even with, like, one of the places we went to, they were like, well, in order just to come see us, you have to pay a $100,000 just to come in the door. I'm like, we just pay $250,000. We don't have another $100,000 to do anything else. We need this to be covered. So I asked, hey, guys. Would you write letters for us? Here's the email address. I'll give you a sample letter. I wrote it out for everybody, gave it to them. I go, just message me. I was messaging hundreds of people, if not thousands, this letter. Put it on our Facebook wall, and they bombarded our insurance company. And that's how he got the treatments in The United States. But that's another thing I feel like we're not taught to do. We're not taught to fight. And you have got to fight. You have got to fight when it's that when there's something building inside of you. It's building for a reason, and we can either ignore it or we can fight through it. And we can see why it's there. And I'm not I don't think that fight was just for me that day. I fought for the other lady who didn't know she could ask some people to write a letter to her insurance company to fight for the treatment that her husband needs. I'm not just fighting for me. My book is not just for me. It's for the caregivers that are at home
Sumer Morenz: grabbing the next bottle of wine, feeling like they just can't do it. They can't look at the one that they love, but feels like they're dying in front of their eyes and that you have no power. I remember looking at God like this, and I do know that the fight wasn't mine alone to fight. So there was moments where I remember he was like, fight summer. And then other moments, it was like, let go of control summer. And that's the hardest part of this cancer journey is literally relinquishing control, giving it to God and trust. I never knew I had a trust issue.
Keith Vance: You never knew you did? Mm-mm.
Sumer Morenz: Not until this.
Keith Vance: Can we talk about that?
Sumer Morenz: To most
Sumer Morenz: two of the most incredible men in my life, my husband and my daddy.
Keith Vance: They're weak now.
Sumer Morenz: Battling something I can't fix. Mhmm. No matter how hard I fight, I can't fix it.
Sumer Morenz: Only one person and one only Jesus, only God can actually control the outcome, and I had to relinquish control and trust him. He loves them more than I do. He knows what tomorrow holds, and you know there is freedom in that. There's freedom in trust. There's freedom in just going, okay, God. Tomorrow is yours. I've worried and thought and tried to figure out what next steps and how we can do it. How can I get him from a to b to treatment to and after a while, that eats you alive? It's exhausting. It is exhausting. But that day that Mike said you're doing anything but shining, it was because I wasn't trusting.
Keith Vance: You made that connection? Yeah. Man, there's a lot you're you're you're hitting a lot of good things and that you're I don't wanna stop you. You're doing you're doing a good job navigating through this. But that connection between the shining and the trusting, it's a good connection.
Sumer Morenz: Yeah.
Keith Vance: Because when we're not trusting, we're wearing ourselves out.
Sumer Morenz: It's exhausting. It is exhausting.
Keith Vance: Can I backtrack to one more thing? Of course.
Keith Vance: When you talked about the intuition you had with your son and a check on truth, like, three times three or four times in a row.
Keith Vance: Again, I go back to my wife and I raising seven children.
Keith Vance: My role was provider protector. And, like I said, we started early. My wife and I started early, and I hit the ground running just trying to stay ahead of our bills. K? So that was I wasn't really present when it came to actual pouring into my kids' lives practically or, like, the actual raising them that fell on my wife. And, so while I'm out working dark to dark, she's with the kids and, you know, raising them, pouring into them. I think there's a connection that a mother has with her children that just from a physical point of view I mean, they actually came out of your body. There's an attachment there that we will never experience. Even though I love my kids, I die for each one of them. They weren't inside me. Yeah.
Keith Vance: And then mothers being the primary caregiver in the home. So when babies are scared or hurt, they call for mama. Like, nobody can take care of a baby. Like, they want mama. Like, daddy can't comfort, but mama can. K? So when it comes to because this has happened to me several times. My wife, hey, Keith, sums up a so and so. Nah. They're fine. Nah. They're good. I go check on them. Hey. Everything good, buddy? Like, you did everything good, buddy? I get the response that I want. Yeah, dad. Roger that. We're good. Because that's the that's the response that I want because I'm busy with other stuff. Mhmm. And to dig deeper might mean there's work here Yeah. That if I'm being honest, and I didn't realize this until recently that if I'm being honest, I don't I don't want there to be a problem there because that's something else that falls on my plate. Yeah. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. So I am learning to appreciate and lean on the intuition that my wife has that I don't have when it comes to her children, grandchildren, and relationships. Women and I would yeah. Mothers and I would say females have an intuition about people and things that I think men are a little more oblivious to. Yeah. So the gift that God gave you women to pick up on things, body language, behaviors. You're talking about my face, whatever I'm trying to tell you, hey. Don't blow my cover. You know? Yeah. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. So when my wife is one of my kids or is on my wife's radar, I pay attention. And the older I'm getting, I'm asking secondary questions. Yeah. Not the one that I wanna hear, but, I mean, our kids are and here's the other thing I can speak to.
Keith Vance: It it it makes sense that your son was going through what he was going through along the time frame that he's sick. Yeah. Because that's how the enemy works. Mhmm. That's how the enemy works. Distract you with something else, and there's always something else going on. There's always something else going on. Yeah.
Sumer Morenz: Man, it's hard work being a parent, isn't it? It is. You know, one of the things Mike and I
Sumer Morenz: we have cultivated in our home is relationship over rules and regulations.
Keith Vance: Let's hear it because I already like it.
Sumer Morenz: So when I when my boys were little, I had someone tell me that they should make their beds every day. And my my dad was militaristic. Right? So we had, like, rules in our home that we had to stand by. Our beds were made, you know, like and they were made where the corners were folded perfectly. You know? And there's just things that we had to do. We had to keep up with. And when my boys were little, it was, you're gonna make your bed every day, whether you like it or not, because that's what successful people do. And I was losing relationship with my boys because I became this. You will do it. Make your bed. And I was like, on a just, you know, rules kick. And I felt like the Holy Spirit said to me, do you want a relationship with your boys, or do you want their bedmate? And I in that moment, I had to kinda ask myself, do I want their bedmate? You know? And I decided, you know, after, of course, Mike and I talked about it, that there are just such little things that aren't worth the relationship. And so we cultivated a space where at night, I would go sit on their bed after a long day, and I would just sit there. Sometimes nothing would happen. Sometimes they would divulge the whole world to me. And it was they're tired. They had a long day, whatever it is. And during the day, you know, we're all doing our own little things. But then at night, when I would sit on their bed, just it would all come out. And do you know what's funny? All their friends will come over to my house, and they will all divulge their everything to me. I will know everything about their life, their friend's life, the girl they like, all the things. I made my house the house where the party happens. I provided the food. I had not alcohol or anything like that, but I had, you know, their favorite sodas. I had pizza. I had whatever so they would wanna come over. We had a pool, you know, that they would wanna come over. We had the movie room so that they wanna come over. We provide movie nights, you know. And then I would just sit where they're at. I wouldn't go away from them and hide. I would literally stay in their presence, provide whatever they needed. Then all of a sudden, became that mom that they'd be like, hey, Summer. Did you hear? You know? And it was just me allowing them to share. And it's actually interesting because in the season, now that they're all men, you know, I got 24, 22, and now 18. They still do it every night. It's annoying.
Keith Vance: Summer, it's annoying. I know it's annoying for your husband because listen. I'm sitting on the couch watching TV with my wife, wanting to I'm wanna tell her my day. I'm wanting to tell her what's going on with me, but I gotta wait in line because all these other ones are texting texting mama, the adult ones. Yes. They're texting mama everything that's going on. Was like, hey. Who are talking to? Oh, Thomas got who he man, who are talking to now? Oh, Lily. They're like, she's telling all of us. I just felt like, oh, let me know when you get done. It's true. It's that's that's healthy. It is. It's healthy because you want them coming to you. You want them they're gonna tell somebody something. And you wanna be the one to be able to navigate and direct and help them and listen.
Sumer Morenz: And that is the thing. They're gonna tell someone someone's going to give them advice. Yeah. Who's gonna be the someone to give them advice? My son-in-law here, Michael. I gotta wait in line for him sometimes. He's texting Karen crap. I'm thinking, Michael too?
Keith Vance: It was good. It's true. Thankful. I'm thankful for my wife, and I'm thankful for, like, that that environment that she created and that environment that you created wasn't by accident. No. It was an investment. Yeah. Yeah. You want decisions made. Yes. And if you're a mom watching this and your kids are younger,
Sumer Morenz: you cultivate atmosphere in your home. You cultivate it. And God convicted me on that. I Mike would come home from work. And actually, what's interesting about our kind of dynamic is, if you haven't noticed, I'm a little bit of a bulldog. So I usually get the job where I'm working a lot of hours making a lot of money. Mhmm. That's my typical MO. I I get a job and I take over the job. So I run. I've run almost all of the companies I've ever worked for, but I started as, like, a receptionist. Mhmm. So I started as just like, hi. Welcome. And then all of a sudden, I took over. They just didn't even know I was doing it. Sounds like someone else I know do that, Michael. So needless to say, I was working a lot of hours. And Mike would work jobs, but he just didn't get the kind of pay or income that I would get. So we would have to, like, flip flop schedules where he actually was home with the boys more. But in the seasons where I was at the house, as soon as he would come home, I would just unload on him because it wasn't my nature to stay home with children. That for for me, that was like putting a caged animal. Like, I felt so caged being I wasn't just this Susie homemaker. And I didn't know you could have opposite callings or different callings. I thought every woman stays home with the kids, so I tried, and it almost killed me. And he would come home, and I'm like, like, just not nice. And it was awful. And again, that little nudge of the Holy Spirit, is this what you wanna create? Our home was felt like a negative place, just a very hard place to be in. And I cultivated that environment. Creating it. Yeah. I was creating it. And him and I, we almost lost our marriage three times in this process. Like, I didn't like him. I know he didn't like me because I was that nagging mom wife, Mike. And then, of course, with and he shared this in the other podcast, his struggles with pornography, I took as a personal attack. Of course. You know, I'm not doing enough. I don't look good enough. You don't like me enough. It was all about me. It was so selfish. I was so self absorbed. I didn't turn my heart to his pain. I didn't turn my eyes to what he was walking through. You know, I just thought he didn't like me or something was wrong with me. But also, I was cultivating a home that no man would wanna live in. I didn't even wanna live in it. Mhmm. That's sad. Yeah. I was trying to run away myself. So why wouldn't he run away? You know? And I feel like if you're sitting there and you're feeling like there's this negative space and environment in your home, turn it. Turn it around. So we just started a practice. When boys would get home, what was your favorite thing today? That was how we started it. And it was super small. Feels like the littlest thing. But that little thing changed our environment of our home because we wouldn't let them tell us a bad thing until they told us some good ones. And then with me and depression, my coach so Doug and Tia Wood are my coaches. Tia is like Mike. So positive. Little, like, oh, everything is beautiful. Doug is like me. Boom. You know, he comes in with the hammer. And I was calling him to quit coaching. I was like, I'm done. I'm out. I'm working a lot of hours coaching and then dealing with depression that no one knew about. So we pulled them together to quit. And, when I was there, I said, hey. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done. It's too many hours. And, you know, I deal with depression, and I just can't handle it anymore. And he goes, oh, okay. Can I challenge you and just ask you to do one thing? And I was like, what? I was so mad. He goes, what are you grateful for? And I could have smacked him across the face, literally. I was so like, how dare you? Ask me that right now. I just told you my life is hell, and you're asking me what I'm grateful for. He goes, let me challenge you to write down three things every morning. First thing, before you pray, before you worship, before you do anything else, write them down. Three things you're grateful for. And he goes, and then, you know, in a month or so, let's see if you still wanna quit. And I was like, okay. I can take a challenge. I'm like, I'm gonna quit in a month. I'm taking your challenge because I'm that stubborn. So I started the next morning, and at first, was like air, house. You know, I was just literally Wake up. Yeah. I was so literal. My nails. You know? Like, those are the three things. And then by the end of the week, it became like sentences. Like, I'm so grateful that I have a husband that loves his children and plays with them. So grateful that I can work a job and also build a career that will get me free from that job. Like, it became this
Sumer Morenz: beautiful thing to the point of I have not dealt with depression since that day.
Keith Vance: How long ago was that?
Sumer Morenz: That was ten years ago.
Keith Vance: So that's before cancer.
Sumer Morenz: Mhmm. And in can in the cancer journey, I could sense the feeling of depression sneaking up on me, and that muscle of gratitude
Keith Vance: Kicked in. Kicked right in. So that you could be what you're supposed to be for the one you love the most. Yeah. It's crazy. And I had no idea I was building that muscle
Sumer Morenz: ten years ago.
Keith Vance: That's
Sumer Morenz: a good story. Isn't that crazy? It's really powerful, and I feel like maybe it's not an end all be all for everybody's depression or anxiety or whatever you're walking through, But it's a step in shifting the actual pathways of your brain. The reason why he had me write it down is because when you put pen to paper, it actually helps reroute your brain to fire differently, to think differently. You can't type it out. You can't voice it out. And you know what I found? That when I was doing gratitude before, because I tried to practice like that before. I was doing it after prayer and after worship because as a Christian, we're taught to start your day off that way. Right? I was complaining in prayer. I was complaining in worship. And then I would get into some kind of gratitude, which was not usually consistent or much. But I started my day every day complaining to God. Where now, I start my day every day telling God how great he is, how faithful
Sumer Morenz: Faithful. He has been so good. So good.
Sumer Morenz: And what is so beautiful,
Sumer Morenz: I knew God my whole life. I don't know if I'm not that one that had, like, a falling away. I've known God my whole life, but I know him.
Keith Vance: Mhmm.
Sumer Morenz: I know him.
Keith Vance: So in your husband's podcast, there was as he was talking, there was something that I didn't get an opportunity to say that I wanted to.
Keith Vance: But at the end of the day, every man wants to know what he's made of. Mhmm. And you don't truly know what you're made of until you gotta go through some fire.
Keith Vance: And what you just said kinda builds off to what I want to ask him was there's things that we hope we know about God. There's things that I think I love him. There's these there's these emotions that we hope we have, but you really don't know if you have it or not until you're you're walking through what we're talking about Yeah. Where he sustained us in, god god, I do love you. God, I do want you know, these are these things where because he sustained us and he's walked with us through these hard times, you don't get to know for sure until you've walked through it. Right? Yeah. Now you can say it. Yeah. And you can also share the haven't been through it. You can also share the character of God in Christ that he is faithful because of this, this, and this. He is trustworthy because of this, this, and this. Yeah. He is worthy because of this, this, and this. Yeah. And our testimony bears witness to God's goodness. Right? Yes. And it's not just on paper. It's on the paper of our heart. It's in our life. Yeah. And it makes a difference. A 100%. Yeah. Yeah.
Sumer Morenz: I don't want people to have to walk through what I've walked through to experience how good God is. You know? I I really want I want them to hear the our story
Sumer Morenz: and have it draw them to God first. Like,
Sumer Morenz: if you're listening to this podcast and you are wondering who God is for you, just ask. He shows up. He shows up, and and I believe he can fill your room. Like, there's been times where I felt so close. Now there's been times in this journey I felt so far, so far away from God. Like, are you even listening? And do you know I went through a season I was angry, God. And that was the season Mike said you're doing anything but shining. It's because I was so angry at him. And I've never been angry at God. Like, I literally can say that my whole life. Never been angry, and I was so angry. Like, why? Why us? Why Mike? Why this?
Sumer Morenz: And he told me it was okay. God told me it was okay to be angry with him. That he gave me those emotions, and he's not afraid of them. Like, literal literally not afraid of my emotions. And I didn't even wanna admit I was having them.
Sumer Morenz: And yet God knows those things, and he loves you anyways. Like, the worst part of you that you try to hide, that you think you're hiding really well. And I thought I I had very great in my whole life. I thought, oh, the perfect hider. And yet he saw it all, and he loved me anyways. And he has been trying to call me out of it this whole time. And now, you know what? All the things I thought hold value don't. That house, yeah, it was gorgeous. No value. My red jaguar, no value at all. It was fun. But what I find value in?
Sumer Morenz: This. The moment. The experiences. My husband. Like, wow. What a man.
Keith Vance: So
Keith Vance: I wanna make sure I hear you correctly. God used cancer in your husband to refine you in ways that you're oblivious to without the cancer.
Sumer Morenz: Yep. It's Is that what you're saying? What I'm saying is cancer has been a gift Mhmm. To you. To me.
Keith Vance: I didn't expect that. I thought this was gonna go somewhere else. I would have never said that.
Sumer Morenz: I would have never thought that. If you would have told me that we would have been in this journey, I would have verbalized to you that cancer is a gift. I would have called BS on it. I would have said there's no way you're wrong.
Sumer Morenz: It has been such a great gift. It really has. Wow. So revealing, so humbling.
Sumer Morenz: And I'm a different person because of it. And God's gonna use this for his glory. I know it.
Keith Vance: How many years have you guys been married? Twenty seven. You said there was three times that your marriage was on the rocks. Was that during cancer, or was it all prior to? All prior to. All prior to. Mhmm. Cancer pulled you guys closer together. Oh, yeah. Tightened you up. Oh, yeah.
Keith Vance: Are we almost done? Yeah. Are we? Yeah. Well, we got to hear your husband's side. We got to hear your viewpoint. What do your boys say? Your three boys, have you had family conversations about their takeaway through all this?
Sumer Morenz: You know, not recently. I know that it pulled them closer to God. I'm I've asked them, like, where they are with God. I know it's caused them to think about their future a lot more clearly. Even just now they're all in HVAC, in air conditioning in Arizona.
Keith Vance: And it's caused That sounds like a good business to me, girl.
Sumer Morenz: It's a great business to be in Yeah. We've actually talked about making a family HVAC company because they're all learning the ins and outs of it. But I know that it's it's made value in areas that they might not have held value in in our relationships and people, in their relationship with their father. You know? Men, one thing that I'd like to speak to you about is you are the representation of the heavenly father on earth. Those moments where it's easy to check out and unplug when your kids need you are the moments that you get the opportunity to show who you are to them. You know, you're talking about moms and how we hear things differently. We sense things differently.
Sumer Morenz: You as men, though,
Sumer Morenz: when when my daddy would say something to me, it held held a weight that my mother couldn't Yeah. I know. Bold. I know. There's a power there. Yeah. I know. It's scary, isn't it? It is. Because it can speak life or death. That's scary. It's so valuable. It really is.
Sumer Morenz: Yeah. Yeah.
Keith Vance: My pastor, where I'm at now, that was amazing. He helped me, when you talked about men are the representation of God. And it's true because how does an infinite being package himself up in a way that's relatable to us? We pray our father. Mhmm. This infinite being who could package himself up in any way he sees fit relates to us as a father. Yeah.
Keith Vance: And then we view him through the lens of our earthly fathers
Sumer Morenz: Mhmm.
Keith Vance: That hopefully if we're doing it right,
Keith Vance: is a good image. Yeah. But if we're not doing it right, it's a distortion. Yeah. And your kids could be viewing God the wrong way because you're doing it wrong. Man, that's heavy. You just put a heavy weight on me, girl. We know That is a heavy weight. One thing I would say,
Sumer Morenz: my dad did something that was so right, was he would apologize often. It's important. It is. Get yourself out of the way. Yeah. Because you're not gonna do it right all the time. And it's important that they see humility and and vulnerability from men because that shows power. I mean, it really does. I feel like, you know, sitting across the chair from you and watching the tears come out of your eyes shows strength, not weakness. And if men can understand that more often, like, there's you don't have to hide what you're feeling. You don't have to hide what you're going through. They need to hear you navigate it. One thing we would talk about, we would talk about our arguments with our children. Like, not argue in front of them, but talk about how we resolve Mhmm. Things when we disagree. And we would come and apologize if we did do something like argue with each other in front of our children. And we didn't always hide that fully either. Right. Because they need to know good and healthy relationships and boundaries and all those things, but they don't know it if we don't show them that and model that and goodness or anything but perfect. So why do people why do parents think that they have to be perfect for their children? I'll tell you why. Because we're afraid we're gonna mess them up.
Keith Vance: And we're afraid listen. We're afraid we're gonna mess them up. So we're afraid if they see our imperfections Mhmm. That they're gonna follow us, but that's a lie. Yes. So when you mess up, be humble enough and and love enough to say, daddy was wrong. Like, for will you forgive me? There's such it's such it's such liberate it's liberating to be able to do that. It really is. Have you ever been wrong? Daddy, if you've never been wrong, you're not doing it right. That's right. So is there anything else you wanna talk about before we wrap this up? Did you feel like you got it all out? I do. I mean, you did fly all the way from Arizona, and I don't wanna cut you short.
Sumer Morenz: No. I feel like I got it all out. I will say one last thing. Let's hear it. Everyone's going through a lot of life right now. Yes. I mean, man, you can't get on Facebook without seeing life. And I feel like the enemy's number one thing in this world is to divide. If we can be divided from each other, if we can take this role of my pain is bigger than your pain and you don't understand my pain, that's division. It's isolation. It makes you feel like you're all alone and no one understands.
Sumer Morenz: You're not meant to isolate.
Sumer Morenz: When you can bring people in, like you said about fathers being vulnerable and honest brings liberation. When you're vulnerable and honest with your feelings and what you're walking through, that brings liberation. And, man, one thing we have done right in this journey, this cancer journey the last three years, is bring people in to the journey with us. Good, ugly, bad, all the things. I look back on this, and I'm so grateful that God challenged me to do that. Good. And I would challenge other people to do it too. Because people need to know that they have a tribe around them. Even if we're not all local or in the same room, I actually developed a Facebook group called Caregiver's Guide to Sanity. For all the caregivers, they're sitting there. I mean, you're a caregiver when you're a husband. Sure. You're a caregiver if you're a wife. People think you have to be a professional caregiver to have that title. But yet, at all times, we carry it. We carry a burden or a load that we sometimes don't know how to handle. And until you are vulnerable enough to ask for help, you won't get any. That was hard for me to hear too.
Keith Vance: Alright. Well, I got my takeaway. My takeaway is ice isolationism. It's not healthy. Find your tribe. Be vulnerable. Nobody's doing it right. We're all trying to figure it out, and it's okay. Yeah. It's okay. Yeah. Find your tribe. And if you're Christian, his grace is more sufficient. His grace is more sufficient. Well, thank you both. Thank you for coming, Mike. Thank you for being here. You have been again, this has been timely for me personally. Just the timing, everything that I'm that's in my life right now, you've been an encouragement to me personally. So thank you. Look forward to having a making friendship with you guys.
Intro voiceover: Faith, still strong.